Compromise?
You're late. The part where BeaArthur and Fnord went on a page long tangent about how I'd never reach second base has been deleted. The "childish" comments were my reaction to that.
But seriously, I don't understand any of this. I offered to split two movie tickets, my movie tickets, to take her to see a movie. Her immediate response was "That's not good enough, I want to choose the movie too, and I don't care if it's one you don't want to see." She's telling me that being given a gift isn't enough for her, I have to relinquish control over the situation entirely in order to make her happy. To me, that's the definition of spoiled entitlement. But everyone here is acting like I'm the entitled one. Like, how dare I not immediately cave to her demands on the first date, when I barely even know her, and give her the impression that I can be bullied into doing whatever she wants with a little pressure? Am I the only one who feels like that's the wrong way to go about starting a relationship?
And what is this talk that you cannot make a sacrifice for a girl unless she agrees to date you or whatever? I almost cannot believe a guy talking like that, unless he is one of those PUA jerks.
Becauss starting a relationship with a sacrifice feels wrong to me. If we haven't even met and she's already demanding sacrifices what will she expect when we actually are dating? Or when we're married? These tickets are valuable to me because I don't have the money to go to the movies very often. I could use them to go see two movies for free, but I'm willing to split it with her and only see one. That's my sacrifice. She's seeing that sacrifice and immediately expecting another, where I not only have to split my free tickets with her, I have to use them on a movie she wants rather than anything I'd actually like to see.
It's not about the money. It's about time. If you cannot "sacrifice" some time to see a movie she seems to enjoy, then you will look pretty bad to her. It's a pretty big red flag to me if a girl doesn't want to spend a little time on me. Especially since I will use lots of time on her without expecting anything in return.
I think that was a test and one that you seem to fail big time.
Sure, you don't want a girl that is entitled to everything, but you were the one telling her about the movie tickets and offering her to see a movie with you. That might not be the best way to go about a potential relationship.
Girl refuses to see a movie boy wants to see, demands he use his tickets how she wants? Perfectly fine.
Boy doesn't want to use his tickets to see a movie he doesnt want to see? Spawn of Satan himself, apparently.
In any case, I already told her I don't want to go see Bohemian Rhapsody. The responses were exactly what I was afraid of. "If you want to date me, you'll take me to Bohemian Rhapsody." "I don't want to meet you if you won't take me to Bohemian Rhapsody." "This is your last chance. If you don't take me to Bohemian Rhapsody, I'm not going to talk to you anymore."
Bullet dodged, I'd say.
Is this EXACTLY what she said? When you “invited” her what EXACTLY did you say? For example: would you like to go see Wreck it Ralph with me?, or a general Would you like to see a movie with me?
Girl refuses to see a movie boy wants to see, demands he use his tickets how she wants? Perfectly fine.
Boy doesn't want to use his tickets to see a movie he doesnt want to see? Spawn of Satan himself, apparently.
In any case, I already told her I don't want to go see Bohemian Rhapsody. The responses were exactly what I was afraid of. "If you want to date me, you'll take me to Bohemian Rhapsody." "I don't want to meet you if you won't take me to Bohemian Rhapsody." "This is your last chance. If you don't take me to Bohemian Rhapsody, I'm not going to talk to you anymore."
Bullet dodged, I'd say.
Is this EXACTLY what she said? When you “invited” her what EXACTLY did you say? For example: would you like to go see Wreck it Ralph with me?, or a general Would you like to see a movie with me?
Yes, I asked specifically if she wanted to see Wreck-It Ralph. She had already said she liked cartoons, and thought it was funny when I quoted Spongebob, so I figured it was a safe bet she'd be into Disney movies. I was wrong.
You're late. The part where BeaArthur and Fnord went on a page long tangent about how I'd never reach second base has been deleted. The "childish" comments were my reaction to that.
No, I saw those posts. You may not have liked the advice, but you did solicit it, yes? Do what you want to do, but don't chastise members of this community for having a different opinion. You asked for it! The moderators should be ashamed of themselves for deleting the comments.
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Oscar Meyer Lansky
You're late. The part where BeaArthur and Fnord went on a page long tangent about how I'd never reach second base has been deleted. The "childish" comments were my reaction to that.
No, I saw those posts. You may not have liked the advice, but you did solicit it, yes? Do what you want to do, but don't chastise members of this community for having a different opinion. You asked for it! The moderators should be ashamed of themselves for deleting the comments.
Yep, because saying "Dur hur, he'll never get laid because he didn't take our advice!" a dozen times is definitely how mature and mentally balanced adults react to someone disagreeing with them. Maybe someday soon we can upgrade to "Your Mom" jokes!
Not at the moment. If I cant find anyone, I'll go see another movie by myself. Probably Mortal Engines, if I can find the book in time. That one looks really good.
</irony>
BeaArthur I resent your characterization of the advice in this thread. I gave a moral justification for his eventual response that didn't depend on this thread's characterization of ThisAdamGuy as deviant or inflexible, and that seemed to be the path he chose at the end anyways. Bad advice? Hardly. It "worked," was justifiable, and was not socially incompetent.
Sorry not sorry, I will side the OP here. The OP's failed date sounds like a conniving, manipulative, spoiled brat. In fact, it's not impossible that she wanted to use him for free entertainment, while having sex with some alpha male somewhere else. So not only did he dodge a bullet, he spared himself a waste of time and money/tickets. Another thing: "compromise" is often a euphemism for needless sacrificing, just as "caring about you" is often a euphemism for bossing you around for one's own enjoyment.
My own family was like that. They told me they "cared about me" :roll: until they were blue in the face; when in reality, they just wanted to control my life and boss me around. It cost them nothing to let me watch a favorite TV show, let me stay out an extra hour, or whatever. But because they "cared about me" :roll:, I couldn't have all that. I'm sure they were laughing amongst themselves afterwards. Same with "compromise". When they talked to me about my future, potential marriage, they always said how I'll be "compromising" a lot, and that my feelings and interest don't matter. (But my wife's do.) After hearing that enough times, all I feel toward my future, nonexistent wife is fear, anger, and loathing; I see her as a vicious enemy who will ruin my life. So I vowed to never get romantic with any woman until the day I die.
In other words, I embraced the MGTOW movement. The OP is 25; it's not a realistic option for him yet. At that age, a man's libido is too high to be apathetic about sex and dating. But just saying; maybe in 5 to 10 years.
Another thing: let's be realistic: power feels good. And people will go out of their way to gain power in their lives. Some people take a job with a lot of power, like a corporate director, a superintendent, or a cop. Others people decide to have a kid or date a weak person. Which describes many parents, as well as the OP's failed date. She was getting a cheap thrill from ordering him around and demanding to see her movie, while being entertained for free, under the pretext of "compromise". Which was so laughably transparent, I gotta laugh. I realize this is an aspie site, but I'm floored at how naive everyone is about the OP's situation. I saw a few reasonable replies, but most boiled down to "compromise" . Especially after what his date said. (see quote below)
If the bolded part doesn't prove my point, then I rest my case!
Do you argue with everyone, or just with those you don't like?
She tested you, and you failed the test. Whether for better or for worse remains to be seen.
But you should still consider the idea that having your way all of the time means that you will miss out on some really fun times with some really fun women.