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maxwelljohnmootz
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26 Aug 2018, 10:45 am

Hello guys. So recently I've had an issue when it comes to talking to girls. It seems like every girl I talk to, with the intention of just trying to be a friend or more, almost always results in the girl perceiving me as creepy and they give me cues that they may be uncomfortable. I'm a straight teenage male with Aspergers and I have only recently begun to understand the social behavior of neurotypical girls more so. I have in fact dated before, but my ex had ADHD, which I feel made her easier to get along with due to both of us having our own mental diversities with some similar characteristics. I'm trying harder to befriend girls with relatively typical behaviors and possibly even date one in the future. Can anyone relate or give advice?


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guitarman2010
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26 Aug 2018, 11:23 am

I can relate as I went through similar things when I was a teenager. I did meet a girl online back in 2002 and that was my first relationship/girlfriend. I was 19 years old. Four years later we got married and it lasted 10 years until it fell apart. So now I'm kinda back to square one with the dating scene. Alot has happened in my story since then and now I have no vehicle, live with my parents and can't be trusted.

I still feel that awkwardness when talking to most females, you know......that feeling that they perceive my as either "messed up" mentally or just a straight up creep. I don't know how long to maintain eye contact with them. I also get extremely filled with fear when they make eye contact with me, even if for a second. I know there are women out there that seem like they just accept me for me but usually they are already involved with someone.

Oh well, I'll meet a decent woman at some point (I hope lol) and until that happens, I have a very adorable dog. There are times too that I'm glad I'm not in a relationship because they can be very draining at times.

I could go on for hours about this topic but I'll spare you from my rambling.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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26 Aug 2018, 12:03 pm

First of all, post a PHOTO of yourself.

Let us see how you look like; this is the first thing people would see and may judge you creepy because of that.



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26 Aug 2018, 12:21 pm

You will have to give more specific details of your approach/interactions with them and some insight as to exactly what is causing you to come across as creepy.

Do you try to drag on conversations when they are not interested? Do you silently stare at them? Do you ask them a lot of questions about themselves? Are you awkward or clumsy in your interactions with them? All of these things can come across as creepy. How do your interactions differ from boys they don't seem to be creeped out by?



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26 Aug 2018, 4:59 pm

Chronos wrote:
You will have to give more specific details of your approach/interactions with them and some insight as to exactly what is causing you to come across as creepy.

Do you try to drag on conversations when they are not interested? Do you silently stare at them? Do you ask them a lot of questions about themselves? Are you awkward or clumsy in your interactions with them? All of these things can come across as creepy. How do your interactions differ from boys they don't seem to be creeped out by?



Staring at people, or hovering around them, and not saying anything, makes people the most uncomfortable. You can also get judged by the way you dress, as well.



quite an extreme
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28 Aug 2018, 1:14 pm

guitarman2010 wrote:
I don't know how long to maintain eye contact with them.


If they look angry at you don't do it. Otherwise as long as they do but don't keep staring at the eyes if they don't look back. And always try to keep a good mood and a smile as long as you do.


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28 Aug 2018, 4:55 pm

One time when I was young and pretty, I sat in a bar drinking because I didn't feel like being alone. I wasn't hoping to pick anyone up, though.

So this dude a couple seats away leans over and asks me, "What would you do if I kissed you?"

That was creepy, as an opening line. I leaned away from him and said, "Probably grimace."

He didn't know what the word "grimace" meant and had to ask the bartender (who did know).

My point is - what sort of things are you saying that get you labeled as creepy?


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maxwelljohnmootz
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28 Nov 2018, 11:48 pm

Hey guys I have an update. Its the middle of my senior year now and I have been through more trial and error like before. I've still sort of struggling socially, so I'll include a pic here so that you can get a sense of my demeanor. It's my senior pic so I'm obviously not posing like this all the time.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1FMf0vL ... sp=sharing


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29 Nov 2018, 8:31 am

Nice pic!


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RightGalaxy
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29 Nov 2018, 11:05 am

Just my own opinion - steer clear of people with ADHD. As far as NT's go, it is better to find an introverted one that shares common interests that is from a good family or simply another aspie that is from a good family. Remember steer clear of ADHD. They are NOT like us. I don't care what anybody thinks. Join groups that host your interests and abilities. Here's an example: There is a college on the east coast that has a science club. This club isn't for science majors. It's for people who simply like science but might not have the academic skills to major in it. Basically it a social club for people that are on the Autistic spectrum. The whole college knows this but it is assumed and NEVER talked about because that would be rude. You can start a club. It's never creepy when you are open, honest, and invite many people. Good Luck to You!! ! I know all too well the pain of loneliness. Don't let loneliness stop you from growing, learning or being brave. :D



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29 Nov 2018, 12:43 pm

Considering quite a few people with autism ALSO have ADHD, then they ARE like us. I find your characterization of them as bigoted. People with ADHD can be very fun and interesting - as can people with autism.

When you start narrowing down the pool of people you want anything to do with, you might just find yourself wanting nothing to do with anyone.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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29 Nov 2018, 2:21 pm

maxwelljohnmootz wrote:
Hey guys I have an update. Its the middle of my senior year now and I have been through more trial and error like before. I've still sort of struggling socially, so I'll include a pic here so that you can get a sense of my demeanor. It's my senior pic so I'm obviously not posing like this all the time.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1FMf0vL ... sp=sharing



Frankly, you remind me of serial killers in that pic, sorry I am being bluntly honest with you, yes the problem is in your looks.

Change your haircut, make it up instead or sideway, also tell the barter to fix your eyebrows, you also have a unibrow.

I can’t tell your age, but if you can, grow some beard too.

And oh, hit the gym.

I feel your shirt is... too long, check the net for men’s fashion tips, the length of what you wear is important and everything should fit well, tailor it if you’re small sized.



quite an extreme
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29 Nov 2018, 4:42 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Frankly, you remind me of serial killers in that pic, sorry I am being bluntly honest with you, yes the problem is in your looks...

If he would look like a serial killer women would hunt him. He looks totally OK, may be you are right and he could really hit the gym a bit.

maxwelljohnmootz wrote:
It's my senior pic so I'm obviously not posing like this all the time.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1FMf0vL ... sp=sharing

All you have to do is to show a sh***y self confidence because most girls don't like shy guys. Keep eye contact during the approach and try to feel good for yourself and towards her because a girl recognise that because of her empathy that causes her to feel a bit the same way towards you that you do towards her and negative feelings aren't the best thing.
Btw. I would skip all kind of cheap looking light or mid blue jeans it's better to choose dark once and to care a bit of the quality of the material they are made of because girls care really a lot about the way that you dress.



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29 Nov 2018, 6:00 pm

I can’t say much for those out in public, but at work at least I’ve found it easier to be introduced by others. If you manage to make any male friends, I don’t think it would do any particular harm to get help from them. Otherwise, it helps to learn in what ways people signal whether they’re open to attention or not. Women who don’t respond well if at all aren’t really worth the time and likely aren’t going to talk no matter who you are. If you can offer to help with something or make a joke about something she’s doing, I often find that’s a good way to start.


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29 Nov 2018, 6:43 pm

RightGalaxy wrote:
Just my own opinion - steer clear of people with ADHD. As far as NT's go, it is better to find an introverted one that shares common interests that is from a good family or simply another aspie that is from a good family. Remember steer clear of ADHD. They are NOT like us. I don't care what anybody thinks. Join groups that host your interests and abilities. Here's an example: There is a college on the east coast that has a science club. This club isn't for science majors. It's for people who simply like science but might not have the academic skills to major in it. Basically it a social club for people that are on the Autistic spectrum. The whole college knows this but it is assumed and NEVER talked about because that would be rude. You can start a club. It's never creepy when you are open, honest, and invite many people. Good Luck to You!! ! I know all too well the pain of loneliness. Don't let loneliness stop you from growing, learning or being brave. :D

Wtf I have adhd
Why stay clear of people with adhd? What’s wrong with being hyperactive.



that1weirdgrrrl
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29 Nov 2018, 8:03 pm

she probably had a negative experience with an adhd person.

one of my best friends in college was adhd. it's not a big deal really.


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