It's not a game.

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I think perception of love as some kind of competition has been harmful to those close to me. It's seen as something I'm deficient in & should be excluded from. The reasons for this are not lost on me but I simply want to make whatever positive impact I can.

Last edited by cberg on 02 Dec 2018, 3:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You post in a lot of abstractions, rather than saying "I went out with her once and she ghosted me." That's intellectualization. I bet you do it interpersonally as well, and frankly, it makes it hard to connect with you.

I'm pretty sure I was the ghost the first place.

I'm sorry, I don't get your meaning.

As you said, my apparent unavailability is probably a bigger problem than anything else.

This isn't about someone I went out with once, she's known me for years.

Last edited by cberg on 02 Dec 2018, 2:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I didn't mean to suggest you went out with someone once. I was giving you an example of how some other people communicate by directly relating their experiences - without any abstract nouns. Personally (and not everyone is the same) I find it easier to deal with someone's direct experience. Abstractions have always tripped me up.

You might actually look at your syntax with a critical eye but not to the goal of blaming or criticizing yourself. It's only a suggestion.

Are you saying that you don't want to compete for her affection? Why can't she be interested in you just the way you are?

There comes a point where you need to communicate your feelings cberg.

Or do you think she knows already and isn't interested and you feel like if you styled your hair, or talked about other interests or any number of things that you could maybe win her over? But you don't want to do that really because you want to be true to yourself?

Well in other words I think social media rankings & pointless western standards have soured our expectations & mutual experiences. I'm afraid it's harder to stop judging me via an iPhone than it is to quit smoking.

I don't really expect any interest unless I manage to cross Facebook's language barrier.

I'd never compete for a girl either. If she is the type that like guys to compete, I'm out of it immediately. That kind of thing is extremely off-putting.

Besides, if a girl cannot be exclusive with me while we get to know each other at a distance, that in itself is breaking the natural rules of ND courtship.

I doubt there is ever a point where you need to communicate feelings verbally. This is not for NDs.



I don't think winning a girl over by conversation or interests is natural. Might be natural for NTs, but not for me.

Women are not prizes to be won or property to be obtained — you don’t “get” a girlfriend, you attract a woman. And in order to attract a woman, you must first make yourself attractive to women.

Lists have been posted regarding what real women have stated that they find attractive in men. But some men deny that what women say they want has any relationship with what they really want. Some men also claim that none of the things that women want could possibly apply to them. Yet they go on complaining about being lonely and wondering why women don’t like them. I’ve observed this since 7th grade, in real life and on-line.

I'm making a point of disregarding rules as it were because I think we need the extra breathing room for independent thought on this. I don't feel that I'm competing & I don't see people from a materialist perspective. I don't really think a bunch of other people's checklists for guys would really apply to someone else entirely. Did I say I was here to complain? My concern is that social hierarchies we've created distract everyone from how anyone else actually feels.

quit social media if it's bringing you down?

This reminds me of a joke ...

There was a man named Sam, who worked with the circus. For 20 years, his job was to clean up the manure after every animal act, hauling smelly bucket-loads of big-animal dung out of the arena. One day, his brother comes to visit and sees him hip-deep in the excrement, shoveling away and sweating profusely.

"Sam," He says, "I’ve got great news! Have you ever thought about another line of work? I’ve got you a job in my office. You’ll wear a suit and tie, work regular hours, and start at a nice salary. How about it?"

Sam says, "What?! And give up show business?!"

I don't use any unless you count WP.