Seeking help to making it work

Post Reply New Topic

Hello,

It’s been over two years that I’m friends online with this guy (who has told me that he is diagnosed with Aspergers) who has confessed his feelings towards me and over time I have grown to love him unconditionally.

Since April 2017 we have been struggling with being together because we live in different countries. He’s from the USA and I’m from Canada
Also, when we developed a strong spiritual bond with each other, we were both still tied to other relationships that were going nowhere.

Over time I learned that I should leave my toxic relationship and in July 2018, he has done the same only to desperately seek me to move down to live with him. I was on disability leave from work so I was not able to give him what he seeked. So he decided to return back with his ex who he was reluctant to giving her a fair last chance but he ended up taking her back because he needed financial support to get by.

We have kept in touch ever since and recently I learned that when I couldn’t have been with him back in July 2018 he felt not only hurt that we can’t be together but he saw me estranged and like he can’t rely on me. I tried to make him understand that if I was working that I would’ve done everything that I can to be with him but he seems to selectively understand part of what I’m saying. I don’t know how else I can make him understand my position at the time made it impossible but I still want to be there for him and if another opportunity arises that I will make a bigger effort to be with him. Is it possible that he has lost hope in me?
How can I make him realize that I still care and want to be with him?

To add to all this, recently, the ex that he took back has always been a slob where she never picked up after herself. She wouldn’t help out with the house chores. Never listened to his needs or expectations. She has trust issues also. She would always check his phone conversations and not trust who he talks to. After he took her back, she still doesn’t listen to him but she started to help out around the house. I’m not sure if she’s still a slob or not. She always had difficulty satisfying his sexual needs and recently she agreed to having an open relationship but she put certain outrageous conditions (he cannot leave her for the other woman and he can’t reach out to me).

Against her wishes he has reached out to me and proposed for us to finally meet in person. He tells me that it’s a good opportunity for us to meet, get to know each other in person, hang out, enjoy our company and satisfy our mutual sexual needs. I have been reluctant to accepting such an offer out of the fear that he just wants to sleep with me and nothing more but he kept reassuring me that if things were different that he would choose me (if I lived closer and we can see each other more often).

So I agreed to meeting him and we set up a date. However, I still have my doubts because he doesn’t talk to me like he used to. He claims that people change and that he’s more independent but I fear that he’s lieing to himself and to me. I’m trying to make him understand that best friends (like we are to each other) tell each other everything. We can vent to one another. We share vulnerable concerns. We are compassionate towards each other’s needs. (Where we don’t want to hurt each other’s feelings) but recently I feel like he has been really selfish and only reaches out to talk to me when he’s horney and superficial. (Are men who are on the Aspergers spectrum have a tendency of being selfish from time to time?) This hurts my feelings and I tried to explain to him that his actions hurt my feelings but he is quick to getting annoyed and angry with me that I’m allowing my emotions get in the way.

The other day when I tried to confront him about this, he was quick to threaten to cancel our meet up. Is he manipulating me? Is it possible that he is so focused on his obsession of getting laid that he doesn’t see or realize that he is hurting me?

I desperately want to make this work with him because I genuinely love and care about him and don’t want to give up on him (I want him to see that I will never give up on him even when he becomes really difficult).

I seek any advice that can shed light to my situation, and help me cope with his issues that he’s not opening telling me but I’m suspecting.

Cut this guy loose and never look back. That's my advice. But I think you already know that.

This. He's moved on by getting back with his ex & unless he has plans to dump her quickly, he's not going to be ready for the romantic relationship that the OP wants. It seems like this guy wants to have his cake & eat it too.

Doesn't sound as though it's going to end well, unless you're happy with what will probably turn out to be nothing more than a sexual relationship from this point on.