Break-ups

Post Reply New Topic

Does anyone here take forever to get over a failed relationship no matter how long it lasted? --- two weeks to four years. If so, why do you think you suffer so long afterwards?

I had problems getting over my 1st relationship that lasted about 6 months(we were friends a while 1st & for alittle bit after so we knew each other like a year maybe) until I got in my 2nd 8 years later. That lasted about 7 months & I didn't get over that till I got in my current relationship about half a year later. I think part of my problem with getting over them is because both my exes & current girlfriend were the only people I felt really close to. I HATED being single but struggled MAJORLY to find a woman willing to give me half a chance. Another problem I think I had is due to my bad OCD. I got on OCD medication shortly after my 2nd realtionship ended because I thought it might be making it harder to get over her & I realized a lot of problems I had in the realtionship were also due to my bad OCD. Afer I got on the OCD medication it became alittle easier to deal with things & the relationship ending.

My boyfriend (gifted NT with a few strong AS traits) takes forever to get over breakups. A year after his last breakup his ex left a message for him and he was so emotional, like the break up had just happened. This happened when we were first hanging out and I helped him through it which is kind of weird but made us feel quite close. Why he’s like this? I can only guess. I think it’s a combo of being gifted (obsessive, deep thinking), being bullied in elementary school, being a very emotional person and not having coping skills to process overwhelming emotions.

For me, it really depends on the relationship. There are some I've gotten over pretty quick, especially if it was very obvious that things weren't going to work out.

I over think things a lot >< even if it's just a "fling" for the other person, I approach every romantic relationship full on so when things inevitably fall apart I am usually upset for a while.

I think the key thing to remember tho is that ultimately you were not right for each other. I know, cliché, but if this person is not there for you or vice versa in the more difficult times then it remains a shallow relationship and you can at least remember the good times and focus on people who care about you. or if there is no one, focus on yourself and growing as a person / doing your hobbies.

wow, you're so understanding >< not everyone would put the effort to understand the person they are seeing and just f**k off when things get tricky. kudos to you.

Oh yeah, that's the other thing I was going to say: I tend to get a bit over-attached with girlfriends, so it hurts all the more to lose them.

I try not to be too needy or clingy, but for me, there's a fine line between "too much" and "unfeeling". I can't quite get it right.

amen to that! I think it's two sides of the same coin. if you tend to feel neutral most of the time the moment you have feelings for someone it feels extra special and you feel it more deeply. it's very hard to regulate emotions in these instances ><

I'm hoping over time I'll get the hang of it and i'll be able to get over the first stage and go into a long term relationship. I've never had one last more than 8 months and would really love to.

8 months sounds pretty "long term" to me. Most of my girlfriends only lasted a couple days, or a couple weeks, or maybe a month.

One I think was three years, or maybe four. The most recent one was seven, but only because I didn't break it off when I should have.

at least we are putting ourselves out there and trying! i'm sure we can find something more long term. just need to learn from past mistakes and get better rather than upset about it.

i have a very hard time getting over breakups. the last one was the worst, woke up crying afterwards...

i tell myself i will find someone better because he didn't really love me. i want to be loved -_-,

as soon as i feel safe, i jump. because i want love, why else?

I get very attached and most of my relationships have lasted years. It's very very hard to move on after losing someone who has been so important to me for so long. I tend to have very intense relationships so that also makes it hard because suddenly there is a void where that intensity was. It helps that I'm poly so I have support, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. I recently lost a close to eight year relationship and I still find it hitting me so hard I can't function. I know it will get better, but.. yah... break ups suck.

I've never got over the first one. With every relationship that's broken down since, I end up thinking about my first girlfriend again.

It seems like they always pop up when you least expect it.

I might be into something right now, but over the past 5 or so years, I've had a lot of self-doubts...and I'm having some troubles fighting them off right now =)

I just need to slap some sense into myself, I guess.

The overwhelming majority of my suffering is self-inflicted; I cling tenaciously to the things I like; desperately wanting them to last forever, or I desperately resist the things I dislike; afraid that they will last forever. Nothing lasts forever.
When I demand that the universe submit to my desires, I suffer, because it doesn't, and never will.
To the extent that I let go of my clinging and aversion and accept things just as they are, not as I wish them to be, my suffering is much less.

Relationships, like everything else, are dynamic, not static. As such, nothing lasts forever. Everything has a beginning, a middle, and an end. Everything arises because of the causes and conditions that preceded it; everything fades away when these causes and conditions no longer hold. Relationships, like lovers themselves, are living things; they require constant nurturing and cultivation to thrive and whither with abuse and neglect. In retrospect, I actively contributed to many of the causes and conditions which gave rise to the relationships in my life; I also actively contributed to several relationships withering and dying, too. Sadly, the only way to learn to be a good gardener is to kill a lot of plants (and I am not what anyone would call a 'quick study').
Nothing lasts forever. There are causes and conditions beyond my control. Humans are dynamic beings; constantly growing and changing in the process. Sometimes, we grow together when our needs and desires converge. Sometimes, our needs and desires diverge, and we grow apart. That is the nature of living things; no need for resentment or blame. All relationships end. They may leave you today of their own volition; they may leave you after 70 years of marriage when they simply stop breathing, but sooner or later, all relationships end. That's what makes them so terribly precious in this present moment.
When I can accept this impermanence, I suffer less, and value what I temporarily have much more.

If it's ok that I ask, how old were you when you met the first one?