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FunkyPunky
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20 Dec 2018, 4:01 pm

I was having a conversation I thought was going well but I think I offended her or something. Here's the TLDR version. Did I say the wrong thing?

Me: "I like playing video games."
Her: "Me too!"
Me: "Cool! What do you play?"
Her: "I love RPGs."
Me: "So do I! What's your favorite?"
Her: "RE4."
Me: "Resident Evil 4? That's not an RPG."
Her: "It totally is!"
Me: "It's action/horror game."
Her: *screenshot of internet article saying that "RPG" means you "play the role of an imaginary person"*
Me: "If that was the case literally every video game would be an RPG." *explains the core concepts of a role playing game*
Her: *never speaks to me again*



sly279
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20 Dec 2018, 4:14 pm

FunkyPunky wrote:
I was having a conversation I thought was going well but I think I offended her or something. Here's the TLDR version. Did I say the wrong thing?

Me: "I like playing video games."
Her: "Me too!"
Me: "Cool! What do you play?"
Her: "I love RPGs."
Me: "So do I! What's your favorite?"
Her: "RE4."
Me: "Resident Evil 4? That's not an RPG."
Her: "It totally is!"
Me: "It's action/horror game."
Her: *screenshot of internet article saying that "RPG" means you "play the role of an imaginary person"*
Me: "If that was the case literally every video game would be an RPG." *explains the core concepts of a role playing game*
Her: *never speaks to me again*


Did you just meet her?
If so yes it was wrong thing to say. Later in a relationship such banter could be playful disagreement, most women don’t like to be corrected especially by a man they just met.



FunkyPunky
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20 Dec 2018, 4:16 pm

We were texting



nick007
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20 Dec 2018, 5:03 pm

Your better off without a woman who would quit talking to someone just cuz the person disagreed with her


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Magna
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20 Dec 2018, 5:07 pm

Can I ask you to try to put yourself in her shoes and reverse the roles but perhaps change the topic to something else that she would correct you about? I'd like to know how you'd feel about it.



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20 Dec 2018, 5:09 pm

Magna wrote:
Can I ask you to try to put yourself in her shoes and reverse the roles but perhaps change the topic to something else that she would correct you about? I'd like to know how you'd feel about it.
It wouldn't really bother me. I like to know if I'm wrong about things. This is one of the reasons why I'm better off within a realtionship with an Aspie cuz I won't humor NT women excessive need to be rite all the time. I don't like playing along when someone is full of sh!t.


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FunkyPunky
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20 Dec 2018, 5:12 pm

Magna wrote:
Can I ask you to try to put yourself in her shoes and reverse the roles but perhaps change the topic to something else that she would correct you about? I'd like to know how you'd feel about it.

If I was actually wrong and it was about something as unimportant as video game genres then I'd probably say something like "Oh! I didn't know that! Weird." I corrected her because we were obviously both into video games and if it were me I'd prefer to at least be accurate about the thing I was passionate about. It's not like I said "LOL you think RE4 is an RPG? That's why girls can't be gamers!" or anything like that.



Magna
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20 Dec 2018, 5:16 pm

Correcting a spouse or longtime partner who is incorrect about something is one thing, and I would say even at times enjoyable 8) :twisted: 8)

Correcting someone you just met about something is most often viewed as adversarial and that's why most people are put off by that.

I guess it's also how diplomatically you present your viewpoint. There are definitely ways you can present something without coming across as correcting someone but still provide them with the information.



Last edited by Magna on 20 Dec 2018, 5:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

FunkyPunky
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20 Dec 2018, 5:19 pm

If I'm legitimately wrong about something I'm okay with being corrected. What I don't think I would be okay with is being in a relationship with someone who is okay with being wrong. As in I correct them and they immediately get pissy just because I acknowledged that they were wrong about something. So I guess this probably worked out for the best.



quite an extreme
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20 Dec 2018, 5:24 pm

I think the problem was that you were to much into the rather boring discussion about the definition. She wanted you to show interest in her or at least to speak about more interesting stuff than this.


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20 Dec 2018, 5:26 pm

I don't know anything about video games but I wouldn't personally bother to upset someone's illusions about a subject that unimportant. It is, after all, only a semantic question

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20 Dec 2018, 6:09 pm

quite an extreme wrote:
I think the problem was that you were to much into the rather boring discussion about the definition. She wanted you to show interest in her or at least to speak about more interesting stuff than this.


Yeah, you were more into correcting her than getting to know her

That's a big turn off.

It makes you come over as arrogant. Is the definition of RPG a hill you really want to die on?



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20 Dec 2018, 7:16 pm

I would say you got a little too "technical" and precise.

The girl probably thought you were a "grammar Nazi" or something....

I've made the same mistake----many times.



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20 Dec 2018, 9:42 pm

One of the traits of Aspies is black and white thinking.
So although you were focussed on something very minor and I would agree with you on your definition of RPG, the main questions is "What were your goals?"
If it was to obtain a friend or more specifically girlfriend, the correct approach is probably not get bogged down by minor details.
I would probably have recommended the following response, "What do you like about Resident Evil 4?" instead of implying either she is wrong, or stupid.


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20 Dec 2018, 9:56 pm

That's called mansplaining, and you probably came across as condescending.


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SabbraCadabra
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20 Dec 2018, 10:02 pm

Yeah, definitely sounds like you said the wrong thing.

Sometimes you just have to bite your tongue and steer the conversation in a more friendly direction. It sounded like maybe she was using a super loose RPG definition to be playful, maybe she doesn't really like RPGs. I don't know, but either way, you probably should've latched onto the fact that RE4 is a pretty good game.

Maybe you could apologize? Or maybe it's just another lesson learned.


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