Talking to people

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Been thinking...

I've seen a lot of men posting here about not knowing any eligible women.
That's because a good proportion of them are not interested in getting to know anyone unless they're an eligible or attractive female.
It doesn't work like that.
You need to be able to talk to and develop a rapport with anyone if you want to meet women, and I mean anyone.
If you only talk to a small slice of humanity you're missing out on all the networking it takes to actually meet eligible people.

I had a lot of women friends when i was single. Online & offline at times. The problems I had with the offline 1s were that they thought I was gay & shunned me 1ce they found out I wasn't.

Someone made a comment yesterday about the people they met at a club type thing being older.
I was thinking why does that matter?
Then I thought maybe he thinks the idea is to pick up people at the club, and not seeing the bigger picture that everyone you meet has friends, co-workers, family and acquaintances etc.
One of the best ways to meet people is through other people.
I know a lot of people.

Im just curious, I don't know that many other people with as, but do you know anyone who would be successful at picking up chicks at the bar? Flirting and smalltalk? I mean Im a girl, but I can somehow respond, but I can't imagine I would be leading the conversation...even when I'm drunk

Why would you need to lead the conversation?

well you mentioned someone thinking picking up people at a club/bar is easy, I mean ... well probably if you went to a very specific type of club you could just pick somebody up without really talking to them,... anyway, how broad is the meaning of pick up? Im not a native eng. speaker, but the google deffinition of "pick up" is 'to successfully introduce himself and obtain her approval as a potential mate -- whether this means getting her telephone number, driving her home, or more', how can you do that without a brief conversation?

It was a sports/fitness type club, not a bar type club.

I wasn't talking about picking people up at clubs.

then Im sorry, you didn't mention what sort of club it was and in my language the word 'club' is used primarily for a bar type club. I had to take an old english course at my uni but I cannot understand an online discussion post, that's sad. Anyway what would you suggest to people who put a lot of effort into socializing but it doesn't seem to have any real 'results'. You talk about the need to be able to talk to and develop a rapport with anyone, but there's a lot of people with as who try really hard for they're whole life and it doesn't lead anywhere. I've always had that "you have to go out of your comfort zone and meet new people", I've read tons of literature concerning my condition, have been going into therapy, accepted every invitation, but my life is still a history of social failure.

What kind of people do you feel the most comfortable with?
Start there.
Most people feel most comfortable with people they share a special interest with.
You say it leads nowhere, but I don't think talking to people ever leads nowhere.

I got along pretty well with older people including women but the older people would just make comments to me about how they'd wish their daughter or granddaughter would be interested in going out with a guy like me. None of them ever set me up.
BTW my parents were set up by a mutual friend. I would of LOVED to have been set up or had an arranged marriage cuz I had no luck but bad trying to get women myself.

I've read it's pretty common for people with asd to preffer company of people who are either significantly younger or older, but not their own age group.

If that's about my comment with the gym class, I was there for my body primarily, but my point was that it's unlikely that I would meet anyone there with whom I could cultivate a relationship, and in my experience people don't want to set me up with anyone.

Yes, I can establish a rapport with older people or younger people etc etc, but I'm just not interested in having a huge social circle. As a matter of fact, I don't feel any inclination to make any more male friends at all. I'm satisfied with the ones I have. Not everyone is a people person looking to make a whole web of social connections. The only new connection that would really matter to me is a girlfriend, and perhaps a couple of female friends too, and if I got those sorted, I wouldn't actively be looking for more friends/connections. I would honestly probably remain relatively insular.

Why should I be expected to be this larger than life socialite people person when only one missing connection really matters to me? If I did make a whole bunch of friends in hopes of finding a girlfriend, and I got a girlfriend, I'd honestly probably just cut most of those other people off after the fact.

^^ It doesn't really matter with me, I'd talk to anyone, unless they're openly hostile.
I talk to strangers in pubs, people at the beach or fishing, in shopping centres, on the bus, in the street, etc.
I don't have any agenda in mind when I do it, I do it because I want to, and I don't care if it leads nowhere because it gives me practice talking to people.

That's fair, and occasionally I'll talk to strangers in similar venues, but the point I was making is I'm looking for a girlfriend, just one person. I'm not looking to create my own village.

Raleigh has a very good point here. There is great value for men to become friends with women in general, not romantic friends but friends. If a woman gives a recommendation of you to another woman, it is like a door opener. Woman place a lot of trust on the comments from other women. Some people are like matchmakers. They feel a compulsion to match people together. These are all opportunities. Latch onto them whenever a good opportunity arises.

I remember reading a story on the internet a few days ago, where a mother was shopping in a grocery store and then she pulled out her iPhone and showed her son's pictures to other young girls in the store. Before you knew it, she had lined up a date for her son, in a blink of the eye. She was like his wingman.

I'm not a socialite by any means.
And I'm not a great conversationalist - I have speech difficulties and I'm hearing impaired.
But I do know a lot of people.
And you often need to know a lot of people to find someone if you're not into internet dating, that's all.
It sounds like some people are only interested in speaking to people they want to date, then they fail to get the date because they have no idea how to speak to people.