Am I to be alone? It somewhat scared me to grow old and alone, part of that is the practicalities of life, living, money, etc.
What do you, on the spectrum, do to find love and relationships?
I’m sometimes incredibly lonely to the point of depression. Other times I’m content on my own. Other times I feel immoral as I obsessively sleep around with people.
I’ve had 3 abusive relationships, to a certain extent I think that was my fault, the autism gets too much, with everything that goes with it.
I seem stuck on someone I met 23 years ago, who walked in the room and I felt breathless literally. Never happened before or after. I recall it like yesterday. We talked, wrote a couple letters, then I screwed up by freaking out at the issues around sexuality. I don’t identify with any categories. We are still in touch, and I’m still stuck, I don’t know what to call it, “infatuated”, “love”, I’ve no idea what it is.
That has coloured all my relationships, as I compare everyone... physically. I am superficial in that way. I also believe in emotional and spiritual connection, but the physical is important to me.
18 Jan 2019, 7:52 am
