Is a guy I am dating an Aspie

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Kate992
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12 Feb 2019, 11:20 am

Hello All,
I don't know if you actually will be able to help me but over a month ago I met a guy who I like a lot and I suspect he may have ASperger's syndrome. He never had it diagnosed and never had any mental health consultation.
Why I think he may have Asperger's syndrome:
- he is very honest, he always answers honestly when I ask him something, he told me some of the stuff I will present here
- he doesn't like crowds
- he says he is melanholic sometimes
- sometimes he acts socially awkward
- he is organised and does not like changes
- once we were walking on the street in the evening and he thought that someone passing by may have a bomb and made us to go to the other side of the street (he said he heard some noice from their box (I did not hear anything and got worried he may actually be paranoid)
- he has great memory and works in robotic field
- he said he has some OCD behaviours but sometimes only
- some things he understands when I tell him
- he notices details
-he's 26 and was never dating before

Apart from that he is funny, talkative, he has friends, full-time job, I think he gets irony and jokes and use it himself sometimes, he's doing sports, travelling, go to music festivals, do not have issues with touch, eye contact, noises, he likes to try new foods, he has many interests (however robots is the main one), he has roommates.

What is your opinion?



BTDT
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12 Feb 2019, 11:40 am

More normal than Aspie.

Dating is hard for guys in their early 20s, as women typically want older guys who aren't busy trying to get established at work, so 26 isn't old to start dating. 36, on the other hand, would suggest an Aspie.



Magna
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12 Feb 2019, 12:02 pm

There's obviously nothing wrong with you wondering that, but speculating about it really won't do or solve anything and in that respect is pointless unless he decides to be assessed professionally.


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AQ-43 (32-50 indicates a strong likelihood of Asperger syndrome or autism).
EQ-14 out of 80
Rdos: Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 173 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 39 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)


Kate992
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12 Feb 2019, 5:02 pm

He never went to the doctor and I don't know him well enough to make him go. I just wanted to understand some of his behavious better if there is a chance he has Asperger's syndrome. I know it's impossible to say for sure from the description though...



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12 Feb 2019, 8:56 pm

There's nothing you said that jumps out to say Aspie to me. Nor collectively. I'd be more inclined to say he just going to his own drum. It's really not enough information to make an informed opinion. He could be, or maybe spectrum leaning but the best way would be as Magna said.


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RightGalaxy
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12 Feb 2019, 10:50 pm

Are you an aspie? I think we tend to find each other.



Kate992
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13 Feb 2019, 1:19 pm

RightGalaxy wrote:
Are you an aspie? I think we tend to find each other.

No, but I might be close to spectrum.



Stardust Parade
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13 Feb 2019, 1:47 pm

Only professional testing will answer that question, not random people on the internet. How are we supposed to know? We're not mental health professionals and we've never met the guy. :roll:



jimmy m
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13 Feb 2019, 1:57 pm

Some of the traits that you mentioned might be traits similar to an Aspie but others are not. He may have adapted very well and if he is an Aspie you might consider that he has overcome many of the negative qualities. If he is an Aspie, he may not know he is an Aspie and may react negatively if you bring up the subject. But if he is an Aspie, then there are some positive qualities to Aspies that you should factor in. These are:

* They are usually loyal and dependable. Competing to get ahead is less important than solving problems and meeting challenges. Conscientiousness, faithfulness and devotion to duty matter more than ambition, especially if that ambition would cause others to suffer.
* Adults with Aspergers pursue ideas they believe in without being deterred by what others say. They are not easily swayed by others’ opinions, nor do they give up because someone tries to convince them otherwise.
* They are good at recognizing patterns and in classifying things. They are comfortable with order, precision and categorization, which make them successful in following rules, allocating resources and solving problems.
* They tend to be sincere, positive and genuine, which make them loyal and dependable friends. * Speaking their minds regardless of the social context is true of many adults with Aspergers. They are much more interested in someone’s skills and expertise than whether that person is viewed favorably by others.
* Adults with Aspergers are especially good at noting and recalling details. They are helpful at work that requires knowledge of facts, details, and memory. They are often exceptional at the recall of details forgotten or disregarded by others. They have a passion for gathering and cataloging information on a topic of interest.
* An acute sensitivity to specific sensory experiences and stimuli, including touch, vision, and smell is common and having such unusual sensory experiences gives them a different perspective on the world.
* Adults with Aspergers tend to be trusting of others, even charmingly naïve. They are compassionate and caring, and many maintain the belief in the possibility of positive relationships.
* They are often direct, speak their mind and are honest. Many have a strong sense of social justice.
* Because they don’t mind being alone, they are often willing to engage in solitary work that others avoid, which puts them in the position of making tremendous contributions at work and school.
* They are able to comprehend multiple levels of meanings of words and ideas and can form connections that others miss.
* They are persistent, and when they set their minds to something or make a promise they can usually be trusted to follow through.
* A relationship with someone who has Aspergers tends to be free from bias and discrimination based on race, gender, age or other differences. They judge people based on their behavior not the color of their skin, socioeconomic status or political influence.
* They are not inclined to be bullies, con artists or social manipulators.
* “Most of the major advances in science and the arts have been made by people with Asperger’s”



Chummy
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13 Feb 2019, 7:19 pm

no point in reading too much into it. There's no way to tell from your post.

Best just ask him after you've known each other for a while. Speculating endlessly will just stress you out needlessly.
Besides if he is an undiagnosed aspie and he doesn't know he has it you could tell him about it. If he's indeed an aspie something ought to click, and he might want to get a formal diagnosis.