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Kitty4670
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12 Feb 2019, 11:22 pm

I have a jealous boyfriend, why do men get jealous? I thought it was only women. My boyfriend don’t want me to have male friends.


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12 Feb 2019, 11:34 pm

Ooh, boy. That's what you call being controlling. If that continues you need to leave him.



auntblabby
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13 Feb 2019, 12:34 am

DO NOT TOLERATE such behavior from him. period.



IsabellaLinton
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13 Feb 2019, 1:51 am

Is this the boyfriend in the UK, whom you haven't even met yet? You haven't met him but he's already trying to restrict your social circle and limit your number of friends ... from a different continent? That's not jealousy, which would be bad enough. That's control. He calls it jealousy so you'll feel flattered, when in reality he wants you to give up your support system. He probably wants you to stop having female friends too, but he knows that would sound "weird". He wants to be the only person you listen to.

Red Flag. Adios, dude.



magz
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13 Feb 2019, 3:01 am

I guess jealousy is not gender-bound. But it's unhealthy not to be able to trust your partner.
Most of my friends are male so I never tolerated jealousy in potential boyfriends. I want to trust him. If he doesn't trust me, I know it won't work.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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13 Feb 2019, 4:24 am

Honestly, It really depends how you behave with your male friends, I don't mind if a woman I am dating has male friends.

But if for example you sexually flirt, or cuddle or rub them or let them rub their crotch on your on the dancing floor like how one girl I dated did in the nightclub, then come on.... that's when this 'friendship' becomes off-limit and "enough is enough" in my book. Not only I would feel jealous but I would also break up immediately.



magz
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13 Feb 2019, 4:58 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Honestly, It really depends how you behave with your male friends, I don't mind if a woman I am dating has male friends.

But if for example you sexually flirt, or cuddle or rub them or let them rub their crotch on your on the dancing floor like how one girl I dated did in the nightclub, then come on.... that's when this 'friendship' becomes off-limit and "enough is enough" in my book. Not only I would feel jealous but I would also break up immediately.

You know, I couldn't even think of what you describe.
A hug, yes. We hug a lot in my social circle.
A coffee or lunch break together, why not (everyone pays for themselves or we alternate).
A beer together. Or two. Or five. We know our heads.
Sports together, if we enjoy the same.
But the boundaries are clear. Nothing sexual, ever. It's just... respect? They respect me and my husband. I respect them and their girlfriends (or celibate in one case). We are friends, we don't want to mess in each others' lives.


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AngelRho
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13 Feb 2019, 7:24 am

I don’t entirely agree. It might be control. But I also feel it’s about loyalty. If you’re committed to someone, what are you doing spending time with other men?

It’s not cool to bring that up, and I understand why. But it also makes men (AND WOMEN!! !) powerless to expect that their SO won’t either fall into temptation to cheat or fall prey to a manipulator. I know good and well I’m attracted to other women and prone to cheating. What do I do about it? I stay away from women I’m not married to.

And I can say without a single ounce of projection that yes, a lot of men will take advantage of women at the first opportunity and con women into believing it’s what THEY want or that it was THEIR idea. It’s not my wife I mistrust. It’s other men. If you say you are committed to someone in a relationship, you should ACT like it and not invite trouble. Knowing that others want you and acting like the feelings of SO’s don’t matter is not the way to show your love for someone. It shows you want someone else’s attention. Why risk it? If your friendships with MOOS are more important to you than with your SO, maybe you’re not that serious about the relationship and you should end it.

And yes, I’m serious about all of that.

That said, however...

I generally take a negative view of online-only relationships. It looks to me that those are really mostly fantasy relationships anyway. If it were me, I’d divulge relatively little about my meatspace relationships and just do whatever I wanted. You’re not being dishonest. It’s just what you do with other men is flat none of his business. I mean...do you honestly believe he’s not seeing other women? People do often project their own guilt onto their partners. He might be jealous of your other men because he’s struggling with actual cheating himself.

I’m not in a position to say he’s right OR that he’s being controlling. Only you can say. Perhaps, though, you do need to assess just how important he is to you and how much he really deserves to know about your personal life.



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13 Feb 2019, 9:28 am

Kitty4670 wrote:
why do men get jealous?
I had some jelly behaviors in my 1st two relationships due to bad anxiety & OCD. That was a major reason both relationships fell apart. I'm not saying that is or is not going on with your bf. You'd have an idea if he seems to have other anxiety & OCD problems. Encourage him to get treatment if he does. My problems are a lot better within my current realtionship due to being on anxiety & OCD medication.


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kraftiekortie
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13 Feb 2019, 11:06 am

You guys haven't even met in person yet----yet he's trying to tell you not to have male friends! WTF? That's very controlling behavior.

Not a good sign.

Like Isabella said....adios, amigo!

If my wife had male friends, I'd be happy. I trust her. People need friends beyond any sort of romantic relationship.



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13 Feb 2019, 1:43 pm

You haven't even met him yet and he's telling you that you can't have male friends?! That's a major red flag. He sounds controlling. I'd ditch that real fast.



IsabellaLinton
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13 Feb 2019, 1:52 pm

He claims to be possessive ... but he hasn't even come to meet you.
Don't be his ego booster. Run, don't walk from this guy.



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13 Feb 2019, 2:18 pm

I have known women in the past who have been shacked up with controlling guys and it's really bad.


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Kitty4670
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13 Feb 2019, 7:55 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Is this the boyfriend in the UK, whom you haven't even met yet? You haven't met him but he's already trying to restrict your social circle and limit your number of friends ... from a different continent? That's not jealousy, which would be bad enough. That's control. He calls it jealousy so you'll feel flattered, when in reality he wants you to give up your support system. He probably wants you to stop having female friends too, but he knows that would sound "weird". He wants to be the only person you listen to.

Red Flag. Adios, dude.



Yes, he lives in UK. He don’t mind me talking to women.


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Kitty4670
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13 Feb 2019, 8:04 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Honestly, It really depends how you behave with your male friends, I don't mind if a woman I am dating has male friends.

But if for example you sexually flirt, or cuddle or rub them or let them rub their crotch on your on the dancing floor like how one girl I dated did in the nightclub, then come on.... that's when this 'friendship' becomes off-limit and "enough is enough" in my book. Not only I would feel jealous but I would also break up immediately.


I have 4 men friends on Facebook messenger, 2 from my town, 2 from WP. Plus male friends on WP. We JUST talking.


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