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hurtloam
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04 Apr 2019, 10:29 pm

Here's a thing I've noticed and I wonder how many others do to. Also is this a women's issue or does this happen with men too.

Any nights out I'm invited to (once every month or two maybe) it's always just a group of women. No men.

Of my friends, I'm the only one who organises mixed groups. i.e. I booked a table for 10 at a restaurant. I invited both couples and single people, male and female.

I'm freaking sick of women. I like some male company. It adds a different dimension. I like that.

My friend is organising a theatre night out. I thought of a male friend who would want to come, but she's only inviting women and he would end up with a bunch of women (lucky him ;). Or he'd feel uncomfortable and feel like he was intruding. Obviously I'm interested in this guy and want to include him in things he would enjoy.

Actually, I've thought of 3 more guys I can ask. But even so. I'm still the weird one who brings men along to things we do.

Also, they are younger men as those are the only single men i meet these days. My female friends are all too old for them anyhoo. My 23 year old male friend is not going to fancy my fat 40 year old female friend.

This is not conducive for meeting single men.

This is my life right now.

At least I have a social life, right? Do I want too much?



kraftiekortie
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04 Apr 2019, 10:43 pm

Sounds like you’re pretty well-rounded to me.

It’s healthy when multiple genders can just hang out and be friends.



sly279
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04 Apr 2019, 11:55 pm

Wouldn’t know I’ve never been asked out to group events. I have no friends.

I might lik being asked to hang out with group of women if it was for potential matching, it’d be alward. I don’t think I’d want to go just hand out with group of women.

I wish I had a social life :(


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blackicmenace
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05 Apr 2019, 12:05 am

Do you ever invite the guy friend you like out to do things as in just the two of you? I was thinking it would be more of an intimate setting to get to know each other better without interference from others if it was just the two of you.


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Sabreclaw
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05 Apr 2019, 12:35 am

Men always do this. Don't know why they think I want to spend all my time "chilling with the boys". These people are what I call social dead-ends. Being interested in things like maths, video games, anime, bugs, I always wind up with male friends whose other friends are all male.

I'm an introvert. I don't enjoy spending heaps of time making small-talk with people I'm not close to. Social groups that consist of 100% men bore me. It seems the only time men have women around is if those women are girlfriends.



hurtloam
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05 Apr 2019, 1:45 am

blackicmenace wrote:
Do you ever invite the guy friend you like out to do things as in just the two of you? I was thinking it would be more of an intimate setting to get to know each other better without interference from others if it was just the two of you.


No. I'm scared he'll say no. I'm chicken.
We do still get to talk with others around. We do tend to pair off and chat about stuff. Our friends aren't always right in your face.



blackicmenace
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05 Apr 2019, 2:25 am

hurtloam wrote:
blackicmenace wrote:
Do you ever invite the guy friend you like out to do things as in just the two of you? I was thinking it would be more of an intimate setting to get to know each other better without interference from others if it was just the two of you.


No. I'm scared he'll say no. I'm chicken.
We do still get to talk with others around. We do tend to pair off and chat about stuff. Our friends aren't always right in your face.

Perhaps it's a message you might want to send him, that you don't mind giving him your full attention. I hope you can gather the courage and spend some quality time with him. If he enjoys your company, you should be confident, you've got this hurtloam.


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blackicmenace
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05 Apr 2019, 2:35 am

Good luck :wink:


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hurtloam
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05 Apr 2019, 4:27 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Sounds like you’re pretty well-rounded to me.

It’s healthy when multiple genders can just hang out and be friends.


Thanks. I think I may just have a bit more confidence than my friends and be more willing to shake up the status quo.

I invited some male friends to a gig a few months ago and my female friend who also came along, had been telling her other female friend about it and her friend was very surprised i had invited a handful of young guys. They liked the band, why wouldn't I?

I think more about how much people will enjoy the thing were go to rather than who they are. So invite people who will enjoy it. No boundaries.

Hence why I want to invite male friend to this play. I wasn't thinking of it being a date, I just think he will enjoy it.



The Grand Inquisitor
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05 Apr 2019, 6:47 am

My desire for platonic social interaction has been on a declining trajectory since about my late teens, to the point that it is rare for me to hang out with friends at all, let alone initiate any interactions with them. The vast majority of my friends are male, in fact there are no females in my age group who I have a good enough rapport with to even feel as though it's appropriate to ask them to hang out with me, and like you but the gender-invested scenario, the majority of time, hanging out with my friends would generally mean only being around males, except the odd girlfriend here and there of one of the males.

I would like to make some female friends but if I'm being honest with myself it's really only because I want a girlfriend, and more exposure to females my age might help me achieve that in some way or another.

If I had a girlfriend, female friends would be about as valuable to me as male friends, and I'm not sure whether I'd feel more of a drive to pursue platonic relationships because the romantic dimension of my relationships that I'm infinitely more interested in has been taken care of and so that would clear my mind to focus on other kinds of social interaction, or if I'd be even less interested in platonic relationships since I'd already have the kind of relationship I really want. I think it would actually be the first one interestingly enough, but there's no way to say for sure until I experience my first relationship (assuming that ever happens).



kraftiekortie
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05 Apr 2019, 7:19 am

You should all go bowling or something.....that was my favorite "social activity" when I was in my early 20's. Usually a "co-ed" activity (men and women).

You find "mixed groups" a lot in subways. Lots of mixed groups going home after a "night on the town" riding the subway.

You don't have to seek to find a girlfriend all the time. You can just hang out.



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05 Apr 2019, 7:21 am

It's common practice.

I mind it less because I'm seen by people who actually know me as being so tomboyish I belong with the guys. They don't know I'm maybe trans but they treat me like one of the guys. I mostly like women and being in a girls' night out feels weird. And I have little to talk to most feminine people about.

Girls things are sometimes awful too. For eg my family. I'm seen as one of the guys. On Christmas afternoon, we sit in the lounge talking football and politics and watching James Bond. The women are in the kitchen washing up...

Mum knows not to invite me to spa days. Sometimes we do 'girly afternoon' but that's because my stepdad is like a dad and it's a bit rude to say 'biological relations afternoon'. We do gender neutral stuff.

If you're straight, use it as an excuse to moan about blokes or talk dirty about men you like, because honestly that's a big reason it exists. So each sex can complain about their partners or talk about who's good looking in the opposite sex. And because it's assumed that people have different interests depending on gender, so for eg women do spa days and men go to football together. Mum has never been told that she can't go to football with us but she does know if she goes she is expected to know all about football, shout a lot and be ok with swearing. Last time she went was when I was 14 and needed looking after to avoid getting into the wrong crowd.

It's annoying for people who don't fit into boxes nicely or people who aren't put into their personality type but into their sex instead. If you have any camp male friends, especially gay men, it's probably ok to invite them (they can talk about guys with you if they're gay, as well) but just not your average bloke and your average bloke would feel weird going.

And if you're the kind of woman who isn't into spa days and cocktails, it's probably better not to do girls nights out or girly days.



kraftiekortie
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05 Apr 2019, 7:24 am

Tuf is the kind of person who has experience hanging out with people. She gives good advice here.



The_Face_of_Boo
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05 Apr 2019, 9:20 am

It is very common, outing groups (adults over 30s) are usually either one-gender or couples; rarely mixed gender of platonic friends.



kraftiekortie
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05 Apr 2019, 9:21 am

In NYC, mixed-gender group outings are very common. 30's, 40's, 50's, what have you.....

They do things like go to the movies, out to dinner, plays, sporting events, many things. These gatherings do not, invariably, lead to orgies.



magz
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05 Apr 2019, 9:32 am

It likely depends on culture.
In Warsaw, I see both one-gender and mixed groups hanging out. Small groups tend to be one gender, larger groups tend to be mixed.
The only female-only parties I have expirienced were hen parites and I hated most of them. My own hen party was actually mixed because I decided I won't ban my best friend from organizing it only because he's male.


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