Why is dating so difficult?

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No seriously, why?

It's one of the most natural things in our existence to find a mate. All animals do it and yet it's just so difficult.

How do people move forward from the casual to the relationship? How are they getting past awkward dates and moving on to something deeper?

By this I mean the sit down and have dinner together date. So flipping awkward. It's like being at an interview.

It's like your friend who you have fun with on any other occassion is now the person you are interviewing for a relationship.

Dates are weird

^ You are interviewing your friend now? Why?

I generally see three kinds of marriages:

1) I met someone I really clicked with and we got married because it was the most natural thing in the world.

2) I've reached middle age, want a family and decided to marry the first person I was reasonably compatible with.

3) I'm very rich and marrying someone 20 years younger than me, because we both get something out of it.

The third type is generally how "animals do it", the "I went for the bird with the shiniest tail feathers." The characteristics here are superficial (money, attractiveness) and they don't really care how the dates go.

In the case of type 1, I think either the dates go very well, or they just feel such a strong spark with the other person they don't care if the dates go well.

In the case of type 2, I think the biological clock motivation let's them push through the awkwardness at the beginning. They gain an affinity for the other person over time.

Now obviously I'm discounting the millions of dates and relationships that don't end in marriage, but it seems you were primarily asking about "deep" relationships that end in marriage.

All animals do courtship, but none them have anything even remotely similar to dating. Actually, courtship is typically hardwired in genes and not based on cultural practices. Which more or less can explain why dating feels awkward and unnatural. It's because it's unnatural.

Hurtloam, you certainly didn't watch how spiders and mantises date in the other thread....

I'm very much inclined to agree with you.

Ah yes, well, it wasn't that bad at least.

I don't like stereotypes. I 'm sure a guy can meet a 20 years younger girl without any monetary or status issues being involved. True love doesn't care about age difference, attractivity, status difference or any other constructed difference.

I'm lucky I sort of skipped the whole dating thing with all 3 of my realtionship. we met online & jumped into a relationship & the whole dating thing just didn't happen. I imagine I would be extremely awkward on an actual date & I would never get a 2nd cuz of how awkward I'd be.

I'm not saying that a 20 year age difference necessarily belongs in this category.

I'm saying that this kind of superficial transaction-based relationship is a category of marriage that does exist. It's possible a young attractive individual (does not have to be female) falls in love with a wealthy older individual (does not have to be male), and I'm sure these relationships do exist. However, there are also relationships where a young attractive individual attaches his or herself to a wealthy older individual for the purposes of sharing in that wealth.

Maybe Melania Trump loves the Donald, but to be honest I doubt it.

So what did you interview him about? In the main topic it sounds it was you who were interviewing him, why did you do that?

Was it something like:

"What are you planning for the next 5 years?"

"How many exes you have?"

"What's your shoe size?"

I am not particularly keen on dating a fetus.

I think you missed the point. A young attractive individual can fall in love with somebody older that is NOT wealthy or that does NOT have high social status. Happened to me, and others too.

Yes I've fallen for younger and older men regardless of status

I have no good answer to this question.

We had a nice meal together, alone, we were nervous. It felt like some weird pressure we've never had before.

I think we should do an activity next time, if I get another chance. What's a good no pressure place to go?