I've met someone.

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So, it started last year when I was reading one of Sly's posts on here regarding a complaint about not being able find out who sent him a message on OKCupid. I then logged in to my own account on OKCupid to find out that they changed the messaging system so that people can only message each other when they liked each other's profiles - I hadn't logged on to OKCupid for quite a while, perhaps for couple of years. So, I logged off, thinking that I probably won't come back on again. However, the next day, I got a notification by e-mail that someone messaged me.

So, not content with letting OKCupid's new messaging system get in the way of me finding out who sent me the message, I logged in again and went through the possible on that double take game. Fortunately for me though, it turns out that if someone who sent you a message appears on there, they actually tell you. Anyway, when I found the one that sent me the message, she didn't have a picture of herself but just a picture of a flower and it said underneath, "They messaged you" and underneath, the message "Do you want to chat?". So, I liked the profile on double take so that I could respond. Later that day she responded back to me. This was at around New Year's Eve, and we were messaging each other on OKCupid for about a week until I gave her my e-mail address and we continued our communication off-site.

Via e-mail, I eventually organised a date with her by around February at the Rosebank Gautrain station. We normally meet there now because she lives in Pretoria and I live in Johannesburg and although neither of us can drive, the Guatrain allows us to use public transport to go and see each other. Before meeting on the first date, I asked her why she didn't have a picture of herself for her profile picture and she replied that she's a bit shy about her appearance because she thought that she was a bit overweight. Well, when I met her, I didn't think she was that overweight (okay, maybe a little ). She also said that she didn't have much relationship experience, well that's like me as well. We also share many of the same interests and we talk about them a lot.

Anyway, after that first date, we continued to have 4 more dates, one every 3 weeks or so. On the second date I took the Guatrain to Pretoria to meet her there, where we went to the Traansvaal Natural History Museum. The third date we went to see the Captain Marvel movie ( we both like Marvel movies). On the fourth date, I took her to the Johannesburg botanical gardens, where she even bought a book from a book shop there that she gave to me as a gift. The fifth and last date with her, which was only last Saturday, we went to see Avengers: Endgame.

So, there you go. I don't think that I should call her my girlfriend yet because the last time I asked her about that, she said that we were kind of "hanging out" at the moment. I guess that makes sense given that we've only had 5 dates so far. Although, given that she got me a gift on the 4th date, I kind of feel that I need to get her one, even though she says I don't have to.

That is really great news, hope everything works out for you both.

Yep. Congrats Jono!

Congrats! It sounds like you guys enjoy each other

Sounds to me like she kinda doesn't wanna make things official maybe due to her being shy & not having much relationship experience. It seems like she likes you as more than just a friend thou so your on the rite track with her. You just have to make sure you respect her boundaries & go at the pace she's comfortable with which you seem to be doing so Good Job. I would recommend getting her a gift. It shouldn't be anything major, fancy or expensive. It should be something simple that shows you put some thought into picking/doing something specially for her. I really s#ck with this romance stuff thou so I could be wrong & way off but it seems rite to me.

Yes, I've noticed that. Don't worry, I'll go at her pace. For the next date, I've thought of doing some kind of activity like an escape room or taking her to an art gallery.

Awww. That's awsome. It's nice to hear some good news for a change.

Nice one Jono

For a second I thought the OP was Joe90

I agree! It's a good opportunity to show her that you are a thoughtful person; it's a very attractive quality.



Great idea! Hope it keeps going well!

I've asked her via e-mail if she'd like to go to the largest art gallery in Johannesburg with me. It would of been a problem for us to go this weekend because our president was being inaugurated after the election a couple of weeks ago, so there's lots of traffic everywhere.

One thing I'd like to ask about is that she always insists on paying whenever we have lunch anywhere. I don't mind it because I think that always having the guy pay as is the case traditionally seems a bit patriarchal to me. However, other people, including my parents, think that I shouldn't let her pay for lunch all the time even if she insists on it. What are your thoughts on that?

Ok, so I don't have much dating experience, but occasionally I'll treat my friends to lunch. I offer, they say no, I offer again, take the check and pay it.

You could do it once in a while just as a treat. But I'm a split the bill type too.

If she's being dishonest about it and doing some kind of tests then she's not the right type for you, such women deserve to remain single**.

**Footnote: I have dated a woman before who always insisted INTENSIVELY on splitting the bill (even pushing my wallet to prevent me and such) then later she told me that doing that proves that I am stingy and that it was all a test , this how I realized how ret*d she is.


As another note: for those sane ones who insist on split, I usually treat them later with dessert/ice cream and such, it usually works by saying something like "nah it's just ice cream, my treat", it works for coffee too.

Looks like the perfect love story is setting in.

Congratulations!