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rhoades24
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26 May 2019, 4:56 pm

Is it impossible to get rid of desire for sex, women and girlfriend?

I've failed with dating 95% of the time up to this day, having turned 29. I find the pursuit draining on my mental resources and wish to be let out. Freed from the prison.



Dan82
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26 May 2019, 7:26 pm

Okay but technically that's not the definition of a Catch 22.



Dawning_Wisdom
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09 Jun 2019, 10:15 pm

I thought it was usually quite easy to hyperfocus on your own interests and hobbies without a desire for a relationship. If it is a biological yearning then go masturbate?

Also you could be blatantly honest with your dating profiles "I find the pursuit draining, can some women come chase me instead?" :lol:

There's not always a logical formula to relationships and who you're meant to be with. Though with Autism it can be hard if people give the advice "Be yourself! Just be honest!" -- perhaps going over some general dating advice but re-writing a few drafts for yourself, evaluating how does that really seem to a woman who doesn't know you well enough yet, and map out, general "stages" of relationships and what you're trying to get to next. Like a video game, different levels of intimacy. And if your ultimate goal is a life-long commitment. But ask a neurotypical female friend/sister/cousin, "Is this too intense?" etc with the possible scripts and dating situations that you're trying to prepare.

Hope that helps!



rhoades24
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09 Jun 2019, 11:58 pm

Dan82 thanks for the correction.

Dawning_Wisdom Don't get your response. You mostly answered something I didn't ask. As for masturbation; you being a female... uh I don't think you have any idea what that's like for men.



magz
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10 Jun 2019, 5:12 am

rhoades24 wrote:
Is it impossible to get rid of desire for sex, women and girlfriend?

I've failed with dating 95% of the time up to this day, having turned 29. I find the pursuit draining on my mental resources and wish to be let out. Freed from the prison.

95% failing suggests there have been some non-zero success.


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kraftiekortie
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10 Jun 2019, 7:39 am

One thing that should be remembered:

1 sperm out of millions succeed in making a woman fertile----but fertile she is! No matter the odds.

If you have a 95% failure rate, you have a 5% success rate. That "success" could be the love of your life.



sly279
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10 Jun 2019, 3:03 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
One thing that should be remembered:

1 sperm out of millions succeed in making a woman fertile----but fertile she is! No matter the odds.

If you have a 95% failure rate, you have a 5% success rate. That "success" could be the love of your life.

Do you mean pregnant?
Fertile is when a lady is most likely to become pregnant it’s a time of month.


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Dawning_Wisdom
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10 Jun 2019, 5:50 pm

rhoades24 wrote:
Dan82 thanks for the correction.

Dawning_Wisdom Don't get your response. You mostly answered something I didn't ask. As for masturbation; you being a female... uh I don't think you have any idea what that's like for men.


Well maybe that’s why u don’t have a girlfriend because ur way too blunt!

Just because I’m a female doesn’t mean that I don’t have any capacity to relate to sexual frustrations. It sounded like a big factor behind ur frustrated question could’ve been resolved with biological mechanisms.



rhoades24
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11 Jun 2019, 2:59 am

Dawning_Wisdom wrote:
Also you could be blatantly honest with your dating profiles "I find the pursuit draining, can some women come chase me instead?" :lol:


Nice troll response and BS! Online dating is a scam for men who aren't male models or movie stars. If you are ugly, mediocre, or average you will get no woman interested in your profile no matter what you say. Pics are all that matters. It seems a majority of women of varying backgrounds and attractiveness levels go for the top 1% of men; tall, handsome, super rich, and socially powerful like an investment banker or CEO of a company. 99% of other men get nothing. Darwinism and monopolism of sexual market which sucks but is reality

Dawning_Wisdom wrote:
re-writing a few drafts for yourself, evaluating how does that really seem to a woman who doesn't know you well enough yet, and map out, general "stages" of relationships and what you're trying to get to next. Like a video game, different levels of intimacy. And if your ultimate goal is a life-long commitment. But ask a neurotypical female friend/sister/cousin, "Is this too intense?" etc with the possible scripts and dating situations that you're trying to prepare.


I don't have any NT female friends, siblings or cousins to ask for advice or feedback. No females period. I always am perplexed how men become friends with women. I don't have any woman who I'm trying to get to know. It's a phenomenon I experience which I call the "non-reciprocated female syndrome." In other words none are interested in even glancing at me or speaking to me. Happens all the time on campus.



rhoades24
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11 Jun 2019, 3:04 am

Dawning_Wisdom wrote:

Just because I’m a female doesn’t mean that I don’t have any capacity to relate to sexual frustrations. It sounded like a big factor behind ur frustrated question could’ve been resolved with biological mechanisms.


You're not a man with high libido. You can't relate and don't even try cause it's nonsense. You can go out anytime and get laid instantly with the simple tapping of a dating app or hook up app. You are probably not ever sexually frustrated. It pisses me off when women make this claim which doesn't match reality. It's not resolved by masturbating just like injecting heroin or any other maladaptive practice. I would gladly choose to have intimate sex over masturbating and being hypersexual due to no intimacy, but not the case. To get sex I'd have to go to a state that legalizes prostitution or buy a mail order bride when I'm richer.



nick007
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11 Jun 2019, 12:30 pm

rhoades24 wrote:
You're not a man with high libido.
There are ways to lower your libido. I take meds to lower mine cuz of a very high sex drive. I wasn't that interested in getting laid but spent all day looking at porn.


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Oh, you can't help that, said the Cat: we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
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rhoades24
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11 Jun 2019, 11:16 pm

nick007 wrote:
There are ways to lower your libido. I take meds to lower mine cuz of a very high sex drive. I wasn't that interested in getting laid but spent all day looking at porn.


I can't stop the desire to masturbate. Meds will just cause ED and make it more frustrating.



Mona Pereth
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12 Jun 2019, 8:29 am

rhoades24 wrote:
Online dating is a scam for men who aren't male models or movie stars. If you are ugly, mediocre, or average you will get no woman interested in your profile no matter what you say. Pics are all that matters. It seems a majority of women of varying backgrounds and attractiveness levels go for the top 1% of men; tall, handsome, super rich, and socially powerful like an investment banker or CEO of a company. 99% of other men get nothing. Darwinism and monopolism of sexual market which sucks but is reality

I have no idea whether the above is true in the world of dating apps, but it's certainly not true in the world outside of dating apps. A lot more than 1% of men do manage to get married, and many of them stay married. See Marriage and divorce: patterns by gender, race, and educational attainment.

By the way, there's one very large category of heterosexual women who have extreme difficulty finding a man: single or divorced mothers. These women generally want a man who has a decent-paying job, but, in most cases, he doesn't have to be a millionaire and he doesn't have to be super-handsome.

rhoades24 wrote:
I don't have any NT female friends, siblings or cousins to ask for advice or feedback. No females period. I always am perplexed how men become friends with women. I don't have any woman who I'm trying to get to know. It's a phenomenon I experience which I call the "non-reciprocated female syndrome." In other words none are interested in even glancing at me or speaking to me. Happens all the time on campus.

Are there any campus clubs that involve activities that are of interest to you and that attract women as well as men?

Your profile says you live in New York. Do you mean the New York City metro area, or upstate? If in the metro area, there are lots of psychotherapy resources around here that might be able to help you. If you or your family can't afford it and your insurance doesn't cover it, look for a place where psychotherapy grad student "externs" work under the direction of a licensed psychotherapist. That's a LOT cheaper than the going rate for licensed psychotherapists, although there tend to be long waiting lists.


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- My "Getting to know each other" thread: Hello from NYC.


jimmy m
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12 Jun 2019, 9:44 am

rhoades24 wrote:
Is it impossible to get rid of desire for sex, women and girlfriend?


It is a natural desire and difficult to shed.

As far as your outlook on sex, women and girlfriends. Most people have a variety of strengths and weaknesses. That is true for introverts as well as extroverts. Introverts tend to lack the social graces. About half of the worlds population is composed on introverts. So if you find it difficult to meet a girl, then enlist the help of someone with the social graces, an extrovert, to help you find your dream girl. This might be your parents, relatives, close friends. I would begin there. You don't have to go it alone. Just ask others to become matchmakers for you. And also ask for their guidance.

Remember use your great strengths to overcome your great weaknesses.



rhoades24
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12 Jun 2019, 11:35 am

jimmy m wrote:
It is a natural desire and difficult to shed.

As far as your outlook on sex, women and girlfriends. Most people have a variety of strengths and weaknesses. That is true for introverts as well as extroverts. Introverts tend to lack the social graces. About half of the worlds population is composed on introverts. So if you find it difficult to meet a girl, then enlist the help of someone with the social graces, an extrovert, to help you find your dream girl. This might be your parents, relatives, close friends. I would begin there. You don't have to go it alone. Just ask others to become matchmakers for you. And also ask for their guidance.

Remember use your great strengths to overcome your great weaknesses.


I don't have any friends, relatives I speak to, and no contact with parents. I don't make friends with anyone. I already gave it a shot a number of times I can't count and found no connection with person to become friends with. I actually do have to go at it alone as I'm a lone wolf type with no pack that's got my back.