Someone special is back in my life a bit.

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Maybe since she is a friend (rather than a lover) at this stage, simplest is best.
Just a thought.

Although even with lovers, simplest is still best sometimes

As much as I agree with a minimalist philosophy in many ways, I'm looking for ways to help both of us cope better.

I wish I could say we were better about that.

That's only partly right if there isn't love but dishonesty and calculation at the beginning. Love is once you are totally into the soul/nature of each other. If you feel happy that you aren't even any more yourself once you are with each other well knowing that he or she feels the same way. It's when Beethovens 'Ode to you' suddenly makes totally sense to you. This feelings mostly don't just grow over the time. Commerz and calculation makes people idiots. Don't know if anybody here can relate to this.

"Und wers nie gekonnt, der stehle weinend sich aus diesem Bund."
(But who never was able to it should leave this union crying. )

Last edited by quite an extreme on 15 Jun 2019, 4:34 am, edited 3 times in total.

What I've noticed that both genders tend to decide on day one.

I think we're more spontaneous than to judge each other from day one. I've known her for a decade, I'm only focusing on the future here.

Again, I'm not concerned with just how invested we are personally right now. This is more about helping us both get along better so we can be healthier & more receptive towards one another in general.

I'm smart enough to know I should hold onto people I love. We have bigger fish to fry than just a few relationship struggles. Help me help her help me.

Just don’t overthink this.

Just make sure you both communicate clearly, without irony, sarcasm, too much subtlety. Too much intellectual obduracy.

No stream of consciousness when realism is needed.

I think we're very direct, but finding the right times & places to drop all our pretenses isn't easy. I think I need to make my stream of consciousness more stylistic & visual the way she does, rather than always talking about it.

Here I am reminding myself of this constant struggle.

I wonder if she's been over thinking this whole ASD thing about me too. She could be reading too far into parts of my brain that simply don't do the usual stuff.

I bet she's thinking about something completely different.


cberg, you seriously should resist this extreme-aspie obsession.

Obviously no one thinks about a guy like me on a constant basis, that would be exhausting. I'm only really asking about the intricacies when we're actually interacting. It's also not as if she totally ignores me, we've known each other ten years. I want to build on that instead of being defeatist about a completely unique relationship. I'm not perfect, she's not perfect & we have a lot of other stuff to do, but that's not really the point of my thread.

My roommate's been trying to set me up with someone else anyway. Women aren't necessarily wrong for thinking they know best about my love life, but they're quite ignorant about the fact that it's my life. If I spent all my time repressing my actual human feelings, simply because you & others characterized them as sick obsessions, I probably wouldn't be alive anymore.

If I took you at your word Boo, I would be perpetually alone. Different thought processes aren't wrong just for being different. Stop tar & feathering aspie guys as stupid creeps. We're allowed to love people too, unless the court of public opinion says otherwise.

I'm going to go curl up & die, excuse me.

What I am saying, that you probably hope way too much for a one person - and that's not healthy for your own sanity if things don't turn out like how your heart desires it.
Ask yourself, where was this special person when she disappeared from your life? Did she even try to initiate contact with you?

Why don't you try to see the person your roommate trying to set you up with? You have nothing to lose, eh?

It's not your time yet, big boy, you have to prepare for the date with the roommate's friend.

Get up and pull yourself out of your shell.

For one thing, nothing ever goes the way I want, I'm half autistic so it would be irrational to discuss pipe dreams like that. I'm trying to ground myself with respect to female sensibilities in general. I have zero confidence without all my friends backing me up. I don't want a love life full of strangers anyway, I got railroaded into a blind date & I have no idea what to do with that. My old friend is all but singlehandedly responsible for the fact I still have any social life at all.

I am not excited in the least about having to explain my past to someone who just met me. It would scare them, A LOT. Never mind health problems. I'm not trying to allow any dishonesty into my process here & that's why I'm being shy.

I second Boo's advice. (Prev page)

You don't have to talk about your past or health ... Talk about hobbies, interests, books you've read, movies you like.... Or better yet: ask HER about her interests and favourites.

One date is not an intimate romance, it's just meeting a new friend.

Relax

Last edited by that1weirdgrrrl on 18 Jun 2019, 3:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.