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Stop saying "I love you".

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rdos
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23 Jun 2019, 5:28 am

This is really good advice for Aspies and NTs alike:



kraftiekortie
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23 Jun 2019, 7:11 am

What if you actually love somebody ?



Sahn
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23 Jun 2019, 7:20 am

I couldn't watch the video, that was more schmaltz than I can handle!



rdos
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23 Jun 2019, 8:20 am

domineekee wrote:
I couldn't watch the video, that was more schmaltz than I can handle!


Some important excerpts:

The couple of 65 years said: We were born in a time when if something was broken you would fix it.

What most people call love today is not love at all but possession.

Contrary to popular belief, true love is not blind. It has 20/20 vision.

And a loving relationship is not 50/50 either. It's 100/100. A total commitment. It's not a trade or a balancing act. It's all the chips on the table your whole heart.

Love says I want you to be happy. Possession says I want you to make me happy.
Possession says "me". Love says "we".
Possession wants to control. Love wants to free.
Possession keeps receipts to remember its good deeds. Love doesn't keep score.
Possession picks a flower out of the ground. Love waters it.
Possession wants to hide. Love is vulnerable and exposed.
Possession sees the body. Love sees the soul.
Possession fades away. Love is eternal.
'



rdos
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23 Jun 2019, 8:24 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
What if you actually love somebody ?


I think the point was that love is an overused word that has lost meaning. Especially if you use the word on a date or to get sexual favors. I think that if two people really love each other, then there often is no need for saying it.



TwilightPrincess
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23 Jun 2019, 8:25 am

rdos wrote:
domineekee wrote:
I couldn't watch the video, that was more schmaltz than I can handle!


Some important excerpts:

The couple of 65 years said: We were born in a time when if something was broken you would fix it.

What most people call love today is not love at all but possession.

Contrary to popular belief, true love is not blind. It has 20/20 vision.

And a loving relationship is not 50/50 either. It's 100/100. A total commitment. It's not a trade or a balancing act. It's all the chips on the table your whole heart.

Love says I want you to be happy. Possession says I want you to make me happy.
Possession says "me". Love says "we".
Possession wants to control. Love wants to free.
Possession keeps receipts to remember its good deeds. Love doesn't keep score.
Possession picks a flower out of the ground. Love waters it.
Possession wants to hide. Love is vulnerable and exposed.
Possession sees the body. Love sees the soul.
Possession fades away. Love is eternal.
'


I’m just seeing a lot of personal opinions not backed by any research.

Some of his opinions I agree with, others I don’t.



rdos
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23 Jun 2019, 8:49 am

Twilightprincess wrote:
rdos wrote:
domineekee wrote:
I couldn't watch the video, that was more schmaltz than I can handle!


Some important excerpts:

The couple of 65 years said: We were born in a time when if something was broken you would fix it.

What most people call love today is not love at all but possession.

Contrary to popular belief, true love is not blind. It has 20/20 vision.

And a loving relationship is not 50/50 either. It's 100/100. A total commitment. It's not a trade or a balancing act. It's all the chips on the table your whole heart.

Love says I want you to be happy. Possession says I want you to make me happy.
Possession says "me". Love says "we".
Possession wants to control. Love wants to free.
Possession keeps receipts to remember its good deeds. Love doesn't keep score.
Possession picks a flower out of the ground. Love waters it.
Possession wants to hide. Love is vulnerable and exposed.
Possession sees the body. Love sees the soul.
Possession fades away. Love is eternal.
'


I’m just seeing a lot of personal opinions not backed by any research.

Some of his opinions I agree with, others I don’t.


I can see that the claims of some dating gurus here fit perfectly into the "possession" category, while natural ND relationships fit into the "love" category.

There really is no need to back this up with research. It's clearly an opinion and not science.



TwilightPrincess
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23 Jun 2019, 8:54 am

The main beef I have is the claim that a relationship should be 100/100. One shouldn’t devote all of his or her energy into a relationship. Self care is important.

Also, a relationship should only be fixed if it’s worth fixing.



Magna
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23 Jun 2019, 8:56 am

rdos wrote:

Love says I want you to be happy. Possession says I want you to make me happy.
Possession says "me". Love says "we".
Possession wants to control. Love wants to free.
Possession keeps receipts to remember its good deeds. Love doesn't keep score.
Possession picks a flower out of the ground. Love waters it.
Possession wants to hide. Love is vulnerable and exposed.
Possession sees the body. Love sees the soul.
Possession fades away. Love is eternal.
'



^This!! !! How absolutely true and correct.

Check and correct yourselves, Possessers, before you wreck yourselves.



Sahn
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23 Jun 2019, 9:05 am

rdos wrote:
domineekee wrote:
I couldn't watch the video, that was more schmaltz than I can handle!


Some important excerpts:

The couple of 65 years said: We were born in a time when if something was broken you would fix it.

What most people call love today is not love at all but possession.

Contrary to popular belief, true love is not blind. It has 20/20 vision.

And a loving relationship is not 50/50 either. It's 100/100. A total commitment. It's not a trade or a balancing act. It's all the chips on the table your whole heart.

Love says I want you to be happy. Possession says I want you to make me happy.
Possession says "me". Love says "we".
Possession wants to control. Love wants to free.
Possession keeps receipts to remember its good deeds. Love doesn't keep score.
Possession picks a flower out of the ground. Love waters it.
Possession wants to hide. Love is vulnerable and exposed.
Possession sees the body. Love sees the soul.
Possession fades away. Love is eternal.
'

Rdos, thanks for the effort!
I only want advice on fixing disc brakes and that kind of thing! :wink:



rdos
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23 Jun 2019, 9:10 am

Twilightprincess wrote:
The main beef I have is the claim that a relationship should be 100/100. One shouldn’t devote all of his or her energy into a relationship. Self care is important.

Also, a relationship should only be fixed if it’s worth fixing.


I think the issue here is that if you actually intend to get completely into another human being, you will require a lot more compatibility & mutual effort than in typical dating. Once you have decided to go along that path, it would be natural to fix things that are broken instead of breaking up.

So, yes, it will be very dangerous to get completely into another person without knowing them properly, and if you sense some doubts about it, then don't do it.



TwilightPrincess
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23 Jun 2019, 9:14 am

rdos wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
The main beef I have is the claim that a relationship should be 100/100. One shouldn’t devote all of his or her energy into a relationship. Self care is important.

Also, a relationship should only be fixed if it’s worth fixing.


I think the issue here is that if you actually intend to get completely into another human being, you will require a lot more compatibility & mutual effort than in typical dating. Once you have decided to go along that path, it would be natural to fix things that are broken instead of breaking up.

So, yes, it will be very dangerous to get completely into another person without knowing them properly, and if you sense some doubts about it, then don't do it.


I was speaking from experience. I was married for 8 years.

I can say from experience: don’t try to fix something that’s not worth fixing!



RetroGamer87
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24 Jun 2019, 1:46 am

I'll say it if I want. Just try and stop me.


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