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I have been in a relationship for two years. She's NT, I'm not. From the beginning, I have told her I am not interested in marriage (been there, done that. Twice.) She differed in opinion. She wore me down. We're engaged now.
Overall, I enjoyed her company until recently. She has been stalking my social media accounts and grilling me about any female friends that I say anything nice to. Her excuse is that she wants the same flattery. I didn't think I was being flattering, only stating observations. She had a particular issue that I can be friends with my exes. I have told her a such. It's really frustrating. I feel I can't have friends anymore. I hate it. She has even resorted at one instance, that I know of, to stealing my phone to find out who I talk to.
Her insecurities are driving me crazy. She had been cheated on by an ex and is holding me to the same standards. I've been cheated on before, it hurts. I get that. I wouldn't treat her as if she's a potential cheater.
It's gotten to the point that I have deleted all my social media accounts, losing any contact with anyone that I don't have their contact info otherwise.
I am stressed out and want to leave but I can't afford to where I am at. So I have to pretend to be ok while falling apart inside.
I'm not looking for advice. I know I need to get out. Just venting. Thanks for reading my rambling post.

I relate to this so much. I am in a relationship with an neuro-typical and it sounds strikingly similar.

I think that being neuro-diverse means that we don't respond in ways people would expect us to given how much we (obviously to me) care about them. We don't complete the 'I care about you' ritual the way that is expected. Over time I think this can leave neuro-typicals feeling not cared about. On the flip side, we might complete what looks like the 'I care ritual' to a neuro-typical with other people. This causes a 'Why do you care about them, but not me?' response. Usually we don't feel anything when we did whatever looked like us caring about other people. At least, we don't feel/think what a neuro-typical person would have thought/felt by doing the same things.

It's really frustrating. I find myself doing less and less stuff, especially with other people, as to not give off the wrong impression. It can feel like I'm walking on eggshells all of the time.

It's reassuring and depressing at the same time that you understand the situation. Life isn't easy

While we're non-productively commiserating...

I think he part that sucks most for me is that I really know most of it is 'me' and not 'them'. Not that its 100% of me, but my differences seem to drive a lot of our dysfunction.

I know that if I theoretically left this relationship and found someone else, I would almost certainly run into the same problems.

It kind of makes me feel like I'm trapped deeply wanting a genuine love with another person, but ultimately unable to fulfill my responsibilities in that. I wonder if I am better off alone and empty feeling than connected but stressed out beyond my ability to take. It feels like I lose no matter what, and it feels hopeless to change.

If you really love her then lessen your communication with your female friends. And don’t ever compliment them on social media in the open.

Seriously, why do you keep talking with them on daily basis? You are no longer at school.

https://m.huffingtonpost.ca/debra-macle ... 46482.html

Do you have any male friends?

I have both male and female friends. I don't talk to them on a daily basis, where did you get that from my post? I talk with my friends, male and female sporadically. It could be months or even years, then a short chat.
I was open that I have friends in the beginning of the relationship. I've been in several relationships and found the ones who try to control any friendships and what is acceptable are usually either insecure and/up to something themselves.

Jealousy, suspicion, spying, violating your partner's privacy and a controlling attitude have a devastating effect on good relationships. I'm aware that people who think everybody will cheat given the opportunity usually had bad experiences but it's ironically a guaranteed way of estranging exactly the people who won't cheat.

People who cheat or want to will find a way no matter how closely you watch them, while those who don't will have enough self-respect to refuse to be treated as guilty by default.

I'm sorry you're going through this, it's good that you know you have to move on, but I understand what you're going through, it's quite devastating to lose someone you care about for reasons that don't really have anything to do with you

I must admit, the situation does not sound healthy for you. Please do not get married simply because you don't know how to get out of it from here. That does neither of you any favors.

I know you aren't looking for advice, but if you actually do still love her, and want it to work, you will need some couples counseling. That will allow you to assert your needs in a more neutral environment.

Note that I've lived long enough to realize that love does not actually conquer everything. You have to each be able to meet each other's needs in some form or another. She is not currently meeting yours.

Life is definitely not easy.

I'm sorry it got to this between you, and that you gave in to her wishes of marrying you, she must have been exhausting. She doesnt seem to understand that even if you dont marry her, it doesnt mean you dont love her fully and want to make her happy. It seems to me she interpreted it as you not being ready and being scared, so she felt she couldn't fully reach to your heart, or that you are committed and dedicated while that might not have been the case.

I'm thinking she is not able to believe you're not actually flirting and are oblivious to such things being on the spectrum, what adds up to it must have been that you have not returned the same observations shes been needing to feel loved, and she felt neglected and refused after displaying distress and needing it, even if it was negatively, and betrayed because you did it to others. She needs to learn to express her needs healthily, explain herself and have an open mind towards you, your autism and have patience. She seems to not be able or know how to deal too well with jealousy. There must be communication issues and trust issues which failed to be resolved. Over time her suspicion and hatred only grew, that's unfortunate she couldn't see you for the honest man you are.

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My Pepe Le Skunk. I have so much faith in our love for one another. Thanks for being an amazing partner. x

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