This situation still bothers me

Post Reply New Topic

I worked with two co-workers at a warehouse who were both in the same work program as I who dated off and on for two years. One of them lived in a group home under guardianship and the other had their own place. During their relationship, things between then got to be pretty serious.

1. They would have sex at the apartment
2. They would go away together to visit each other's families
3. The one who lived in a group home always flirted with their partner at work- Example- slapping their bottom

The same person who lived in the group home began taking things seriously that she wanted to get married. She even wanted to move in with him because she was fed up with living in that group home. They began bringing up these topics to their partner. They kept telling them, "We need to get married," "We need to get a bigger apartment," "We need a bigger table." Their partner broke things off with then and asked cluelessly, "Who's we?"

She was devastated and didn't take it very well while my co-workers, her ex-boyfriend, and his family looked at her like she was broken and psycho just because he would not take her back and because they were stuck working in the same room together while hearing him move on and meet other people.

What are your thoughts on this?

That's such a sad story!

It sounds like the girl from the group home saw the relationship as her chance to start her own life, and wanted a serious life together with him. It sounds like the guy wasn't ready for that level of commitment, so he broke it off.

It does sound like he was an a**hole about how he went about it. He is probably young, immature, and too self absorbed to care as much as he should. A lot of young men are especially this way, and break a lot of hearts.

On the flip side, she probably dodged a huge bullet because if he is that immature, he would not have made a good husband. It really sucks when your hopes and dreams are dashed, especially coming from someone who comes from a group home and might already feel unwanted and alone. The story definitely makes me sad for her.

He was in her late 20's-early 30's while she was so much older than he was and yes, he was very self-absorbed and selfish for sure. While they were together, he talked about how she was not allowed to have a regular life because she lived in the group home and required a curfew. Then when he dumped her it was, "That's not my problem." He also didn't get why she kept writing him love letter next minute and then hating him the next. To him, and the rest of the company and the job coaches, she was "Mentally ill," and "Delusional," and "Not all there."

Reasoning
1. She kept writing him love letters and putting them on his work station but he kept rejecting her
Example- She tried to give him a gift that she was supposed to give him for Christmas but then he dumped her. However, he gave it back to her in front of everyone else. "I can't accept this gift." I thought that was mean myself while others think he did "The right thing."

2. She would get mad and send him emails and insult his other girls who he was dating instead

They been off and on for two years? That relationship was shaky to begin with. From what it sounds like she and him weren't on the same wavelength as far as the relationship goes. Him just dumping her does suck on his part but, it does seem like she put a lot of pressure on him.

Also the guy saying that the stuff she is going through isn't his problem...it's true. He isn't responsible for her being in a group home or her curfew or any of that, to some people it would seem like she is using him to get out of her situation.

As someone with a disability myself it sucks that that's true but, it's one of those harsh realities of life. And to his credit, she does seem a little off(not that I can talk). Another harsh reality, she may have to accept that her living situation is what she might be in for the rest of her life. A relationship takes two and apparently theirs didn't work out.

Is it you the she in this story?

Who....who's "We" really?

Face_of_Boo,
Goodness no. This was another coworker of mine who I worked with for a little over 5 1/2 years. I am completely independent and even more so than her ex boyfriend.


Rather, I just observed and the situation stories through her ex boyfriend. That said, he and my other co-workers had small minds about other people with disabilities. They also like to dump people and twist things around about them.

Face_of_Boo,
Goodness no. This was another coworker of mine who I worked with for a little over 5 1/2 years. I am completely independent and even more so than her ex boyfriend.


Rather, I just observed and the situation stories through her ex boyfriend. That said, he and my other co-workers had small minds about other people with disabilities. They also like to dump people and twist things around about them.

I can sorta relate to the girl. I'm disabled & was stuck living with my parents & cant handle living alone too well. One of the many reasons I wanted a relationship was so I could escape that living situation & I needed a romantic relationship to help me improve myself & become a better person. I really love my partners too thou & try my best to make things work & to do what I can for them.
Anyways my thoughts on those two's situation are that he considered or at least wanted their relationship to be kinda like a friends with benefits thing. She misinterpreted things & thought their relationship was a serious one or could become serious. There probably were lots of little signs that it was mostly a sexual thing for him & she didn't notice or was in denial partly because she was so desperate to have a serious relationship. I also think maybe he knew that she was wanting/taking things more seriously than him & he let it go on without directly telling her since things were going his way at the time. 1ce there was a bit of pressure from her, he realized their relationship wasn't working well for him anymore cuz he didn't like the pressure. He was a jerk the way he ended things cuz he never really cared about her. I suspect she's kinda delusional & thought their relationship could continue & still become serious after the way he rejected her. Part of the reason she's delusional is because she wants to escape her living situation so badly. I like what Mona Pereth suggested about reaching out to her. It may help if she had a friend to talk to & distract her. She could also use someone she's somewhat comfortable with to slightly push some reality on her about that relationship so maybe she'd start thinking a little clearer about things. NOT a hard push thou & not at 1st either. Focus on being a friend in the beginning.

This is from years ago and I don't have any way of reaching out to her because I don't have her number. I would love to get ahold of her and see how she is doing. It happened 10 years ago but it's always haunted me since because it's sad how people with disabilities like that are treated and looked at. She was a real joke to our other co-workers because when they dated, they all thought it was cute that a woman who was "Not all there" was having sex. Then when he dumped her, they didn't think about her feelings at all. They also didn't separate them work-wise. Instead, they left them working in the same room and allowed the tension to build and wondered why she "Turned psycho" on him.

As for using her for sex, she called him out on it but what she said didn't make sense to him.

It was her who started telling him that.