How to tell your partner you think they have aspergers?

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Hi everyone.
I found this community today & am hoping for some advice for my sister.

My sister has been with her husband for almost 10 years. They had a baby 10 months ago. My sister first mentioned to me that she thought her husband has aspergers about 6 years ago, then not again until this past year. In the past few months, she's been talking about it a bit more and I asked her why she doesnt talk to him about it. The two of them watched the Amy Schumer stand up show in which Amy talks about her husband a lot. My sister said she tried hinting at things while they were watching, because the similarities were uncanny. Her husband didnt respond to it. She says that after watching the show, she felt she was able to understand his condition better which has made life easier.

She doesnt know if she should or even can tell her husband up front what she thinks. She doesnt know if it will help him or hurt him.

I wanted to know if anyone has any advice for us. thank you for your time

I suppose it may help if he struggles a lot and doesn't understand why. Then it may bring clarity.

If he doesn't struggle or have significant confusion about himself, it may hurt.

The way I see it, if the husband isn't struggling, or looking for or asking for a diagnosis, it's more likely than not that he's not looking to have one applied to him. If he's managed fine all his life up until now without needing a diagnosis, then a diagnosis probably isn't going to help with much, so I wouldn't bother worrying about whether or not he has aspergers unless there is any good reason to think that the diagnosis would be helpful to him. I'd only think it was a good idea to present this as an idea to him if he's struggling with aspergers-related issues, and he's dumbfounded as to why he struggles with things that most people don't, or has different challenges that most people don't.

Otherwise, the best case scenario is he gets a diagnosis and it doesn't help him with much and nothing really changes, where the worst case scenario is that he's offended by the notion and bringing it up causes conflict.

This is rough ---- I would have to google for input. My *personal* experience is that my mom was undiagnosed and I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY wish she or my dad had known. My mom knew enough to ask for help, but ASD didn't come up and nothing worked (go figure). My mom and dad had the traditional arrangement - dad worked, mom (ASD traits, PTSD etc.) took care of kids ---- that sucked. My dad expected her to do things, she couldn't. At least your sister has cleared that hurdle simply by suspecting it herself --- she can adjust her own expectations.

On the other hand, I too have been undiagnosed and in any case my husband and I arranged that we both care for the kids fairly equally. We play to our strengths (my planning, his implementation). When I get overwhelmed he steps in. So not knowing my potential ASD we were doing what we needed to. Now that we know, I can more easily make accommodations for myself.

If my husband had suggested ASD to me? He would have had to in the most supportive , encouraging way... In fact, I asked him how he could accepted my behavior (moderate meltdowns) for this long!! !! (I likewise I have accepted his moderate emotional abuse, so we are even.) Even before the ASD we knew: We are doing really well, considering.