Why do almost all 'incels' blame their situation on looks?

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Marknis
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09 Sep 2019, 7:38 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
There are many unemployed, ugly, jerky, and dirty guys who seem to have no trouble getting women.....

I used to know some of them.


The ones I know tend to settle for women in similar situations and looks to themselves though I sometimes see fat guys with skinny girlfriends. They luck out because they have social circles that are much more tolerant than the average Bible Belt ones.



DW_a_mom
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09 Sep 2019, 8:08 pm

sly279 wrote:
I devote myself to romantic interests, doesn’t matter cause they never let me close to find out.


Have you ever asked any friends what you project? It is what you project that will make someone want to find out more. It's tough, I know. I used to project "stay away from me" even though I had no idea I did that. Even when you know, it isn't easy to change.


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09 Sep 2019, 8:10 pm

Marknis wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
There are many unemployed, ugly, jerky, and dirty guys who seem to have no trouble getting women.....

I used to know some of them.


The ones I know tend to settle for women in similar situations and looks to themselves though I sometimes see fat guys with skinny girlfriends. They luck out because they have social circles that are much more tolerant than the average Bible Belt ones.


A lot of younger people seem to be able to successfully look past fat or skinny, I'm noticing.

Overall, people feel the most comfortable with people they can relate to. Shared experiences and influences, both positive and negative. You feel a lot less alone in this world when someone can actually relate to some of your weirdest and quirkiest habits, hobbies, thoughts or desires. That draw ultimately is stronger than looks for most people, in my observation.


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Marknis
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09 Sep 2019, 8:16 pm

DW_a_mom wrote:
Marknis wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
There are many unemployed, ugly, jerky, and dirty guys who seem to have no trouble getting women.....

I used to know some of them.


The ones I know tend to settle for women in similar situations and looks to themselves though I sometimes see fat guys with skinny girlfriends. They luck out because they have social circles that are much more tolerant than the average Bible Belt ones.


A lot of younger people seem to be able to successfully look past fat or skinny, I'm noticing.

Overall, people feel the most comfortable with people they can relate to. Shared experiences and influences, both positive and negative. You feel a lot less alone in this world when someone can actually relate to some of your weirdest and quirkiest habits, hobbies, thoughts or desires.


Sadly, I am considered “weird” or even gay because I am a male who prefers actually good music and art over football and beer. Women here tend to be molded to only like things that are generally considered “feminine” and that they should only go for men who are “manly”.



Hollywood_Guy
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09 Sep 2019, 8:44 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
There are many unemployed, ugly, jerky, and dirty guys who seem to have no trouble getting women.....

I used to know some of them.


I guess those guys do or are willing to "play dirty" in some way.



kraftiekortie
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09 Sep 2019, 9:18 pm

I don’t recommend anybody act like an idiot like those dirty, jerky guys...



techstepgenr8tion
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09 Sep 2019, 9:51 pm

rdos wrote:
techstepgenr8tion wrote:
The point seems to be though - your social skills can suffer for being someone others just can't relate to. That can even come down to simply not making all of the popular mistakes or seeing things about situations that other people reliably don't.


I agree with that, but it only makes a difference in the relationship area if you use dating and other NT methods of finding a partner.

I tend to feel a lot better when I'm not in these sorts of threads (this is an interesting sociological topic, I think it's a canary in the coalmine for much bigger non-dating related societal problems) but generally speaking I find myself too weird for NT's and too normal for ND's. I'm probably looking at one-foot-in types of people like women who don't have autism but do have OCD or something along those lines where there's at least a bit of something making them different but not a push for me to start cosplaying or anything like that.

There is something, err.. sort of happening under the radar in my life right now, someone whom talking to is a bit like looking in the mirror sometimes, and I've had an eye on the situation for a while but lets just say there's a big age gap and I'm looking at it like this - that situation wouldn't be my first choice but I also get that I don't control how the world works, how the universe (to whatever degree its sentient) may do anything between play with me and lay down the law in my life, and I get that at a minimum if nothing else it's someone I should be talking to even if it stays platonic. That's where while I'm not so sure about the sorts of 'virtual reality' theories that people like Tom Campbell tend to take on I do get the sense from time to time that the system is self-aware and between swaths of meaninglessness and tedium it does like to take the piss out of us, teach us humility, and a big part of that is putting people in novel or situations that stretch their comfort zones.


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DW_a_mom
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10 Sep 2019, 12:51 am

Marknis wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
Marknis wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
There are many unemployed, ugly, jerky, and dirty guys who seem to have no trouble getting women.....

I used to know some of them.


The ones I know tend to settle for women in similar situations and looks to themselves though I sometimes see fat guys with skinny girlfriends. They luck out because they have social circles that are much more tolerant than the average Bible Belt ones.


A lot of younger people seem to be able to successfully look past fat or skinny, I'm noticing.

Overall, people feel the most comfortable with people they can relate to. Shared experiences and influences, both positive and negative. You feel a lot less alone in this world when someone can actually relate to some of your weirdest and quirkiest habits, hobbies, thoughts or desires.


Sadly, I am considered “weird” or even gay because I am a male who prefers actually good music and art over football and beer. Women here tend to be molded to only like things that are generally considered “feminine” and that they should only go for men who are “manly”.


We really have to get you moved to a more suitable location.


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sly279
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10 Sep 2019, 1:49 am

red_doghubb wrote:
This was an interesting NYC Econ Dev Corp study from 2012. Note what the finding is re: women of peak dating/marrying age
https://www.nycedc.com/blog-entry/ratio ... -women-nyc

Using Census data, we analyzed only the population who are never married singles between the ages of 20 and 34. In this subgroup, men outnumber women—742,400 to 729,500.

This is still largely true. It's also true it's still difficult for women to find a single man in NYC to marry, especially older ones as the male "pool" is relatively young. If you are over 35 in NYC you are limited to divorced men and lifelong bachelors. And from my own personal experience those guys are looking for sex, not relationships.


Yeah and that’s stupid cause single divorced women are still women.
Most people don’t care if someone was married before. So it’s irrelevant. There’s loads more women then men, so unless those women date or marry outside of nyc there not enough men for them all. There’s not a 1:1 gender ratio.
Study’s show that when there’s more women then men it works in men’s favor, women tend to have lower standards. Men tend to be less interested in getting in a relationship.


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sly279
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10 Sep 2019, 1:51 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I was a “real man” even before I graduated from college.

I was a “real man” before I even STARTED to go to college at age 36.

I was a “real man” even when I was fired from a job when I was 18.

And guess what:

You’re a “real man,” too.

I used to hang out with lots of men who had trouble finding a girlfriend.


You make 20,000 pulse a year, own a car, and have your own place? If not you’re not a real man according to most women in my area and a lot of women I’ve seen online from various parts of the USA.

So hat you or I think doesn’t matter, all that matters is what single women think cause non of them think I’m a real man they won’t ever date me.


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sly279
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10 Sep 2019, 1:54 am

DW_a_mom wrote:
sly279 wrote:
I devote myself to romantic interests, doesn’t matter cause they never let me close to find out.


Have you ever asked any friends what you project? It is what you project that will make someone want to find out more. It's tough, I know. I used to project "stay away from me" even though I had no idea I did that. Even when you know, it isn't easy to change.

I don’t have any friends. Some nicer women from work think I’m a sweet, kind guy.
One ex coworker said I’m a big teddy bear before she left. I use to listen to her talk when she’d stop by my department.

I tried to talk to women at work they either ignore me or give me nasty looks.

FYI two women who do talk to both said the other women are the b word.

So not just me who sees how they treat me.


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sly279
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10 Sep 2019, 1:56 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I don’t recommend anybody act like an idiot like those dirty, jerky guys...

I would if I could in a heart beat.


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sly279
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10 Sep 2019, 2:03 am

DW_a_mom wrote:
Marknis wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
Marknis wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
There are many unemployed, ugly, jerky, and dirty guys who seem to have no trouble getting women.....

I used to know some of them.


The ones I know tend to settle for women in similar situations and looks to themselves though I sometimes see fat guys with skinny girlfriends. They luck out because they have social circles that are much more tolerant than the average Bible Belt ones.


A lot of younger people seem to be able to successfully look past fat or skinny, I'm noticing.

Overall, people feel the most comfortable with people they can relate to. Shared experiences and influences, both positive and negative. You feel a lot less alone in this world when someone can actually relate to some of your weirdest and quirkiest habits, hobbies, thoughts or desires.


Sadly, I am considered “weird” or even gay because I am a male who prefers actually good music and art over football and beer. Women here tend to be molded to only like things that are generally considered “feminine” and that they should only go for men who are “manly”.


We really have to get you moved to a more suitable location.


Liberal atheist state in highly liberal atheist city, and most men act the same as he’s described. It’s a male thing nit Bible Belt. Most men and heck a lot of women like to watch sports and drink beer. Women like feminine things. Malls are big here, go to malls or targets and you’re see 99% of the customers and workers are women, mostly thin attractive women dressed in fancy clothes. Same women drink beer and watch sports though. We are a college football city though, so maybe that makes for more sports loving women. I get disliked cause I’m not into sports. Though atleasr more and more sports people are getting into video games too. Football is one of the best selling video games. Anyways my point is moving likely won’t solve his problems. He’d find that in liberal non religious places men and women act the same. He’d need to move to Europe but then they really love soccer(football) there and beer. In fact sports and alcohol seem globally universal. I don’t get it. People from work go to get drinks all the time, nit me, i don’t drink I don’t get invited anyways though.

Like Wise unless I moved to Europe my issues wouldn’t be any different anywhere else in the USA. Can’t escape USA culture and society inside the USA.


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kraftiekortie
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10 Sep 2019, 8:01 am

If you want a jerky woman, be a jerky guy.

“Real women” don’t go for jerky guys...unless they feel they can “change” them.

Usually, past a certain age, women start to know they cannot change jerk idiots.



DW_a_mom
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10 Sep 2019, 4:10 pm

sly279 wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
Marknis wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
Marknis wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
There are many unemployed, ugly, jerky, and dirty guys who seem to have no trouble getting women.....

I used to know some of them.


The ones I know tend to settle for women in similar situations and looks to themselves though I sometimes see fat guys with skinny girlfriends. They luck out because they have social circles that are much more tolerant than the average Bible Belt ones.


A lot of younger people seem to be able to successfully look past fat or skinny, I'm noticing.

Overall, people feel the most comfortable with people they can relate to. Shared experiences and influences, both positive and negative. You feel a lot less alone in this world when someone can actually relate to some of your weirdest and quirkiest habits, hobbies, thoughts or desires.


Sadly, I am considered “weird” or even gay because I am a male who prefers actually good music and art over football and beer. Women here tend to be molded to only like things that are generally considered “feminine” and that they should only go for men who are “manly”.


We really have to get you moved to a more suitable location.


Liberal atheist state in highly liberal atheist city, and most men act the same as he’s described. It’s a male thing nit Bible Belt. Most men and heck a lot of women like to watch sports and drink beer. Women like feminine things. Malls are big here, go to malls or targets and you’re see 99% of the customers and workers are women, mostly thin attractive women dressed in fancy clothes. Same women drink beer and watch sports though. We are a college football city though, so maybe that makes for more sports loving women. I get disliked cause I’m not into sports. Though atleasr more and more sports people are getting into video games too. Football is one of the best selling video games. Anyways my point is moving likely won’t solve his problems. He’d find that in liberal non religious places men and women act the same. He’d need to move to Europe but then they really love soccer(football) there and beer. In fact sports and alcohol seem globally universal. I don’t get it. People from work go to get drinks all the time, nit me, i don’t drink I don’t get invited anyways though.

Like Wise unless I moved to Europe my issues wouldn’t be any different anywhere else in the USA. Can’t escape USA culture and society inside the USA.


To date my son has found dates just doing the things he likes to do. Both girlfriends liked the same things he does. Both times he met them while hanging out with groups that were 80% male. He won't let himself be around the type of people you describe. He knows how to find his people.


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sly279
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10 Sep 2019, 5:55 pm

DW_a_mom wrote:
sly279 wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
Marknis wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
Marknis wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
There are many unemployed, ugly, jerky, and dirty guys who seem to have no trouble getting women.....

I used to know some of them.


The ones I know tend to settle for women in similar situations and looks to themselves though I sometimes see fat guys with skinny girlfriends. They luck out because they have social circles that are much more tolerant than the average Bible Belt ones.


A lot of younger people seem to be able to successfully look past fat or skinny, I'm noticing.

Overall, people feel the most comfortable with people they can relate to. Shared experiences and influences, both positive and negative. You feel a lot less alone in this world when someone can actually relate to some of your weirdest and quirkiest habits, hobbies, thoughts or desires.


Sadly, I am considered “weird” or even gay because I am a male who prefers actually good music and art over football and beer. Women here tend to be molded to only like things that are generally considered “feminine” and that they should only go for men who are “manly”.


We really have to get you moved to a more suitable location.


Liberal atheist state in highly liberal atheist city, and most men act the same as he’s described. It’s a male thing nit Bible Belt. Most men and heck a lot of women like to watch sports and drink beer. Women like feminine things. Malls are big here, go to malls or targets and you’re see 99% of the customers and workers are women, mostly thin attractive women dressed in fancy clothes. Same women drink beer and watch sports though. We are a college football city though, so maybe that makes for more sports loving women. I get disliked cause I’m not into sports. Though atleasr more and more sports people are getting into video games too. Football is one of the best selling video games. Anyways my point is moving likely won’t solve his problems. He’d find that in liberal non religious places men and women act the same. He’d need to move to Europe but then they really love soccer(football) there and beer. In fact sports and alcohol seem globally universal. I don’t get it. People from work go to get drinks all the time, nit me, i don’t drink I don’t get invited anyways though.

Like Wise unless I moved to Europe my issues wouldn’t be any different anywhere else in the USA. Can’t escape USA culture and society inside the USA.


To date my son has found dates just doing the things he likes to do. Both girlfriends liked the same things he does. Both times he met them while hanging out with groups that were 80% male. He won't let himself be around the type of people you describe. He knows how to find his people.


Well that’s doesnt help unless ones interest and hobby’s are social ones.
Probably not goin g meet a girl in my room while I play video games.

There’s no my people for me.


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