Why do almost all 'incels' blame their situation on looks?

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The_Face_of_Boo
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07 Aug 2019, 5:41 am

Mona Pereth wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Mona Pereth wrote:

I don't think any of us, men or women, really are biologically programmed to be so fussy about our mates' physical appearance -- although of course we have our physical preferences. I blame the mass media (along with today's dating apps) for making this kind of superficiality, on the part of both men and women, a lot worse than it would otherwise be. Another thing that makes it worse is the social atomization I mentioned in my previous post.

In my observation on life so far: women and men are both equally shallow when it comes to looks; the only striking difference though that one of them are by far not willing to admit it, there was even one study that showed they care for looks much more than willing to admit it, they go defensive when you point that men and women are alike in this - I think they tend to understand the term 'shallow' as "you only care for looks" while it's actually "looks is very important to you"; of course which most humans do the latter.

Different countries, different cultures, different generations....yet... the human instinct is the same.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUOe7cl9XDQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2WITVhiz220

Both videos portray something that exists only in the modern world and could not have existed before the 1920's or so. There was no such thing as a "star" in the modern sense before the advent of the mass media.

In any case, even today, not all girls go to massive concerts and scream about some guy on the stage. I certainly didn't. Nor did my older sister, who I remember being rather puzzled about screaming Beatles fans, though she herself enjoyed the music of the Beatles.

This phenomena existed since the Elvis and the Bee Gees days. I dunno about pre 1920.

Rainbow_Belle
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07 Aug 2019, 6:07 am

People do not show any empathy towards lonely men and their common situation. If the lonely guys were lonely females the white knight males would flock to the females and act sleazy and creepy. The advice provided to random lonely guys is mainly insults and ridicule and does not change anything in their life. It is best that guys keep their issues to themselves and be silent strong men and never discuss their feelings online.

magz
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07 Aug 2019, 6:11 am

Rainbow_Belle wrote:

That's why suicide rate is higher among males.
But "I'm so lonely" is quite a common pickup line in my culture.

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Aspie1
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07 Aug 2019, 6:41 am

What scary and sad, is that the first person who ever told me anything resembling the Incel ideology was a THERAPIST.

In 1996, I was 13 or 14, I told her about having trouble getting dates. She said: "Right now, you're having having trouble meeting girls. And it bothers you, it gets in the way. But you're a nice guy. [Gee, great observation, Einstein!] When you get older, like 30, women will be glad to marry you, because you're going to be a wonderful husband." [with a victorious smirk on her face, thinking she persuaded me]

I don't know why, but being called "wonderful husband" felt like a backhanded compliment, if not a put-down. Even at age 13. I never called her out on it, because I was afraid to. I just changed the topic, by faking anxiety about an upcoming math test.

And now that I think about what Those We Don't Speak Of say about women's attraction instincts, what the therapist told me wasn't much different.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 07 Aug 2019, 7:27 am, edited 1 time in total.

The Grand Inquisitor
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07 Aug 2019, 7:23 am

Rainbow_Belle wrote:

That's not always true, but I think we do generally get less empathy than a woman would in the same situation.

Even if people are empathetic, that's all well and good, but if it doesn't change our situation, ultimately it can only be any good for temporary emotional relief.

I don't think suggesting that us men should bottle our feelings up is a good idea. There are pockets online where people are more empathetic. It is wise to consider which sites are more likely to garner favourable responses when posting your feelings online though.

SocOfAutism
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07 Aug 2019, 8:32 am

I tried to reply to this yesterday but it looks like it didn’t go.

The most important part of my post was that I defer to RDOS on this subject.

I cited him in my graduate thesis and consider him to be one of the best minds in the area of autistic versus neurotypical dating/mating/grooming/whatever practices. He has read the current literature and the last I heard was doing good observational legwork. This stuff you guys are talking about seems to be his wheelhouse.

The_Face_of_Boo
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07 Aug 2019, 8:56 am

magz wrote:

Rainbow_Belle wrote:

That's why suicide rate is higher among males.
But "I'm so lonely" is quite a common pickup line in my culture.

I am so lonely, magz.

Come make me less lonely.

magz
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07 Aug 2019, 9:00 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

I am so lonely, magz.

Come make me less lonely.

Yep, exactly this.

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Fnord
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07 Aug 2019, 9:03 am

I want to post a video clip from "Team America" featuring a marionette of Kim Jong Il singing "I'm So Lonely", but it could be construed as racist.

It's easy enough to find if you google it, though.

:wink:

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kraftiekortie
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07 Aug 2019, 9:06 am

Post a Bobby Vinton song, instead.....

magz
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07 Aug 2019, 9:21 am

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kraftiekortie
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07 Aug 2019, 9:27 am

Bobby Vinton was a singer of Polish descent (who even spoke Polish) who tended to have big hits with songs about "loneliness."

Mona Pereth
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07 Aug 2019, 9:32 am

SocOfAutism wrote:

The most important part of my post was that I defer to RDOS on this subject.

RDOS makes a lot of assertions, on various topics, that are quite controversial here. I wouldn't take him as an authority.

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Mona Pereth
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07 Aug 2019, 9:33 am

rdos wrote:

I rather think that different autistic people have different coping mechanisms in regards to eye contact based on what they have been subjected to. That doesn't mean there isn't an innate eye contact pattern that everybody shares. At least, several autistic girls on autistic gatherings have shown this pattern when poked with it, and so I think this is quite reliable. At least a lot better than ignoring it when seeking compatible people, and especially potential partners.

Perhaps you could make a video showing this eye contact pattern and see how many of us can relate to it?

I suspect that it may represent a particular subtype of autism that happens to be genetically common in your local area.

Mona Pereth
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07 Aug 2019, 9:38 am

kraftiekortie wrote:

Bobby Vinton was a singer of Polish descent (who even spoke Polish) who tended to have big hits with songs about "loneliness."

Eastern European culture seems to be less oriented towards keeping up an appearance of happiness than Anglo-American culture tends to be. For example, here in this neighborhood where there are a lot of Eastern Europeans (among many other ethnicities), it is common to answer "How are you?" with "okay" or "surviving" or "could be worse," rather than "fine."

magz
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07 Aug 2019, 9:41 am

Mona Pereth wrote:

kraftiekortie wrote:

Bobby Vinton was a singer of Polish descent (who even spoke Polish) who tended to have big hits with songs about "loneliness."

Ask "how are you" in Poland and - unless the person you ask knows the expected answer would be "fine" as part of their foreign language training - you will hear all the troubles and worries of the one you asked

I suspect the "Latvian jokes" have similar origin as they were invented by an American living in Latvia.

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