Why do almost all 'incels' blame their situation on looks?
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,890
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
In my observation on life so far: women and men are both equally shallow when it comes to looks; the only striking difference though that one of them are by far not willing to admit it, there was even one study that showed they care for looks much more than willing to admit it, they go defensive when you point that men and women are alike in this - I think they tend to understand the term 'shallow' as "you only care for looks" while it's actually "looks is very important to you"; of course which most humans do the latter.
Different countries, different cultures, different generations....yet... the human instinct is the same.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUOe7cl9XDQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2WITVhiz220
Both videos portray something that exists only in the modern world and could not have existed before the 1920's or so. There was no such thing as a "star" in the modern sense before the advent of the mass media.
In any case, even today, not all girls go to massive concerts and scream about some guy on the stage. I certainly didn't. Nor did my older sister, who I remember being rather puzzled about screaming Beatles fans, though she herself enjoyed the music of the Beatles.
This phenomena existed since the Elvis and the Bee Gees days. I dunno about pre 1920.
People do not show any empathy towards lonely men and their common situation. If the lonely guys were lonely females the white knight males would flock to the females and act sleazy and creepy. The advice provided to random lonely guys is mainly insults and ridicule and does not change anything in their life. It is best that guys keep their issues to themselves and be silent strong men and never discuss their feelings online.
That's why suicide rate is higher among males.
But "I'm so lonely" is quite a common pickup line in my culture.
_________________
Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.
<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>
What scary and sad, is that the first person who ever told me anything resembling the Incel ideology was a THERAPIST.
In 1996, I was 13 or 14, I told her about having trouble getting dates. She said: "Right now, you're having having trouble meeting girls. And it bothers you, it gets in the way. But you're a nice guy. [Gee, great observation, Einstein!] When you get older, like 30, women will be glad to marry you, because you're going to be a wonderful husband." [with a victorious smirk on her face, thinking she persuaded me]
I don't know why, but being called "wonderful husband" felt like a backhanded compliment, if not a put-down. Even at age 13. I never called her out on it, because I was afraid to. I just changed the topic, by faking anxiety about an upcoming math test.
And now that I think about what Those We Don't Speak Of say about women's attraction instincts, what the therapist told me wasn't much different.
Last edited by Aspie1 on 07 Aug 2019, 7:27 am, edited 1 time in total.
That's not always true, but I think we do generally get less empathy than a woman would in the same situation.
Even if people are empathetic, that's all well and good, but if it doesn't change our situation, ultimately it can only be any good for temporary emotional relief.
I don't think suggesting that us men should bottle our feelings up is a good idea. There are pockets online where people are more empathetic. It is wise to consider which sites are more likely to garner favourable responses when posting your feelings online though.
I tried to reply to this yesterday but it looks like it didn’t go.
The most important part of my post was that I defer to RDOS on this subject.
I cited him in my graduate thesis and consider him to be one of the best minds in the area of autistic versus neurotypical dating/mating/grooming/whatever practices. He has read the current literature and the last I heard was doing good observational legwork. This stuff you guys are talking about seems to be his wheelhouse.
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,890
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
That's why suicide rate is higher among males.
But "I'm so lonely" is quite a common pickup line in my culture.
I am so lonely, magz.
Come make me less lonely.
I want to post a video clip from "Team America" featuring a marionette of Kim Jong Il singing "I'm So Lonely", but it could be construed as racist.
It's easy enough to find if you google it, though.
_________________
RDOS makes a lot of assertions, on various topics, that are quite controversial here. I wouldn't take him as an authority.
_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
- My Twitter / "X" (new as of 2021)
Perhaps you could make a video showing this eye contact pattern and see how many of us can relate to it?
I suspect that it may represent a particular subtype of autism that happens to be genetically common in your local area.
_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
- My Twitter / "X" (new as of 2021)
Eastern European culture seems to be less oriented towards keeping up an appearance of happiness than Anglo-American culture tends to be. For example, here in this neighborhood where there are a lot of Eastern Europeans (among many other ethnicities), it is common to answer "How are you?" with "okay" or "surviving" or "could be worse," rather than "fine."
_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
- My Twitter / "X" (new as of 2021)
Eastern European culture seems to be less oriented towards keeping up an appearance of happiness than Anglo-American culture tends to be. For example, here in this neighborhood where there are a lot of Eastern Europeans (among many other ethnicities), it is common to answer "How are you?" with "okay" or "surviving" or "could be worse," rather than "fine."
Ask "how are you" in Poland and - unless the person you ask knows the expected answer would be "fine" as part of their foreign language training - you will hear all the troubles and worries of the one you asked
I suspect the "Latvian jokes" have similar origin as they were invented by an American living in Latvia.
_________________
Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.
<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>
Similar Topics | |
---|---|
Incels 30 times more likely to be autistic, study finds |
28 Feb 2024, 8:19 am |
what is this situation with Narcissists?
in Bipolar, Tourettes, Schizophrenia, and other Psychological Conditions |
01 Mar 2024, 9:55 am |