Telling your significant other you have Aspergers.

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Something that I have a hard time figuring out is when to tell someone you are dating that you have Aspergers? Weigh-ins anyone?

Just relating in a way I can. I need a job. My work resume reads as ASD if someone is paying attention but it does not say it outright. I drafted my resume before I self-diagnosed so it's especially amusing to me. My ASD coach says to put myself out there during interview - so find a good fit: for me ---- not a diagnosis.

I have a partner - he had to wait 25 years for me to disclose b/c I had to self-diagnose first. He knows who I am, diagnosis or not. Same for your future significant other: they will get to know YOU.

Aside: my NT partner and I laugh that we completely misinterpreted each other (my stim dance he interpreted as confident and popular; his warming up the engine of an old car I interpreted as sitting and listening to me). A weird twist on "two wrongs lead to a right".

Think my husband knew ...lol how obvious is obvious ? Lol

I was just wondering.

My GF told me I had it , she advised me to get assessed.

I did tell her I had mental health issues when we first got together.

I suppose if you think Asperger's is going to impact on your relationship it might be wise to get it out in the open early but don't automatically expect a rational response.

Right now I feel like the odds are against me. I don’t know why, I’m still trying to figure out what it is that women don’t see in me or what they see that is a turn off. Thoughts?

I didn't find out until January of this year and my wife and I have been married for 18 years so I can't give advice about when to disclose in the dating stage; however, my advice would be to disclose when you think things are starting to get serious. Or to put it another way, I think it's important for both of you to disclose before things get too far along.

I think it's only fair to your partner when the relationship becomes serious. I think they have a right to know. I firmly believe that. Imagine dating, getting serious, getting even more serious, perhaps thinking about marriage, getting married or living together.....then imagine not telling your partner during any of those stages after getting serious. How terrible would that be? If you did finally reveal, say years later, trust might take a hit or even be shattered depending on the relationship.

However, I don't think there's a need for you to disclose when you're dating initially in the stage when you may not go on subsequent dates. What would the point be? Think about all the other sensitive personal topics people share with each other when they end up getting serious. That stage is the time to disclose in my opinion.

I cant even remember when I specified that to my boyfriend. I think initially when things were getting kind of serious I did mention being on SSI and that it wasn't for physical things and he was perfectly ok with that...but I don't think I specified the aspergers till later.

Assuming your major turn offs are mitigated (e.g. body odor), it's important that women see something IN you that they like. I read again and again that the special interests bring ASDs together with their partners. My turn offs for others were/are that I was/am too "big" and "intense", but then I met a (NT) partner who appreciated my "carefree" non-conformity and my honesty and etc. and we've work through the "turnoffs".

If you tell them too early, premature rejection

Too late and, it's like you were hiding it

Maybe the crack in my front tooth due to stress is a turn off. I wear deodorant and shower daily. Brush twice a day and mouthwash. What else am I forgetting?

Odd, my ASD-like mom and I both chipped a front tooth due to stress. Is that an ASD thing? We both had ours repaired.

I think you're kind of joking, but just for fun, I checked with Ms. Google.
source: https://www.femina.in/relationships/lov ... 44887.html

How are your fingernails?

Some of the turn offs may be natural turn *ons* for you: don't play mind games; ASDs generally don't. And some may be challenging: good eye contact; ASDs are most have shy or intense eye contact. And in any case, these are probably for the more NT-like, and you might find a less-NT-like partner.

SharonB,

Thanks for the link the how to be confident part was extremely helpful. I’ll try to remember that.

Have a brats and beer party. I hear that’s a Wisconsin thing.

Invite some chicks.

How’s are you doing with the library person?

I don’t think its going to go anywhere. My house is too small for a party and its getting too cold.

Wasn't that hard as i had to give an explanation as to why i was going to the psychologist during my diagnosis. I havent told other people but really i don't see what is to be gained from doing so.