Asperger's and submissive in relationship

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I've been thinking about it and for a relationship to go well wouldn't the person with Asperger's have to be the submissive one in the relationship and need a dominant partner? I mean not to generalise but I think that would work the best way. I mean people with AS would also be naturally somewhat submissive (both male and female). What does everyone think?

i would generally like to be more submissive, but have a tendency of cowing men @ times.

No. I think the aspie who fits the submissive, quiet, hesitant subtype needs to learn to explore his own wants and desires and get comfortable asking for what he needs. A dominant partner may be able to cover up some of the problems that come with being shy, but such a partner cannot fix everything. The dominant partner may also face the temptation to abuse or overrule the shy partner.

Speaking from experience, I tried to do just that. I entered a relationship with someone who was more confident and self-assured than myself. He made all the decisions and this pleased me because I didn't particularly care for making decisions. He also criticised me a great deal, which at first I also found pleasing because I felt I needed that sort of help in order to be a better person. This quickly devolved into a situation in which the meek, quiet woman was constantly overruled by the outgoing, domineering man and either beaten or emotionally abused for displaying any sign of having her own thoughts or personality. It was the worst relationship of my life. There are sociopaths out there who are actively searching for people like you and me. They don't want a symbiotic yin-yang relationship between the meek and the strong--they want someone to overtake and control.

The healthiest thing is to have a relationship in which the balance of power is as close to equal as possible. A submissive person may be able to achieve that with a dominant person, but care should be taken to ensure that the dominant person is tender-hearted and actively admires many abilities and personality traits possessed by the submissive individual.

I'm the submissive one in my relationship.

That's to say that pretty much whatever makes my wife happy goes. I wouldn't say that it's the sort of submissiveness you're thinking of though because if I see lots of bad decisions, then I get involved.

It's submissive mainly because my wife is generally pretty sensible and correct.

I believe the submissiveness Aspies show earlier in life is from conditioning. This can be a scary world for us, and we get a lot of negative feedback, as gwenevyn did.

But if put into positions of leadership, Aspies can be the most benevolant leaders you've ever met or the most ruthless tyrants. It comes down to the person: what energy did they have bottled up all those years?



In a love relationship, if the man is submissive, the woman will subconsciously grow to dislike him. By no means am I saying women are inferior. Women are strong in areas that men can't be strong in, and women are weak where men are (typically, as nature intended it) strong.

I challenge every Aspie that has a wife to be a strong figure for her. She's your equal, but she's also there for you to protect.

- D

I consider myself agreeable, not submissive. I do most of what my wife wants, but on my terms. I choose my battles wisely and when I lay down the law, I get no arguments.

I'm pretty submissive in general, but when I get comfortable with someone on a personal level, I find that I tend to come out of my shell as it were, and I become somewhat more dominant.

In any case, I don't necessarily think of either partner in the relationship as the dominant or submissive one, even if their behavior is sometimes like that. A successful relationship requires an equal give and take, even if we have our own ways of doing that.

I like the idea of being submissive to a girl I like, but I've come into quite the rut in this issue. A girl I'm going out with now is submissive to a much more extreme level. She practically had me pick out what she was going to eat on our date.


I guess this means I'll have to take the lead, or something like that. I should probably message her now, but I have no idea what I should message her about. Perhaps I'll just call her tomorrow, although it's been since Sunday that we had our date.

I'm generally very shy when I don't know someone, but as I know them better, I start to assert myself more...

On a personal level, I like to be in control of things, and that usually puts me on the dominant side of the line. However, I also want to make my (hypothetical) g/f happy... sort of like the whole "with great power comes great responsibility" spiel...

To a point, I'm submissive, but mostly from laziness more than actually having a submissive personality.
I usually don't want to make decisions or initiate things. I never know what they want. I can't read their body language. I'd rather have them do that because there's almost 0 chance they'd do anything wrong. I'm not that picky in those respects...but the women I date...usually are.
There's definitely a point where I draw the line.

Seriously, I always tried to be the dominant one in the relationship but always ended up with the opposite which is submissive. Yes I did attract guys who were very dominant and this is why I don't have relationships anymore. I'm afraid I'll get hurt again.

I don't really fit on this whole submissive/dominance balance. If this was a scale from -10 to 10, I would be an imaginary number.

The problem comes when I act submissive, not because I am actually submissive... but I don't really care and have no strong opinion. Sometimes I am just so confused I don't even know where to begin to form an opinion to be emphatic on. When I know someone has crossed me, deceived me, argued a point I consider stupid or damaging... I'll never be submissive.

On top of all of this, I am also very understanding... if someone elses view makes sense in my mental framework... even if I don't believe it... I'll still let it pass. For example, let's say in a marriage type situation... I don't like flowers pictures... my wife loves them. I am not going to dominate my wife, and say no pictures... and berate her for her choice. Since I don't really care about those pictures, and I can understand why she likes them even if I don't.