How do I STAY happy in a relationship?

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I mentioned this in a previous thread, but I recently broke up with a girl because I did not feel happy in the relationship. Going to her house so much got very old and honestly I haven't been feeling too much pain or regret now that it's actually over.

Now, I've just started to think about this. I think that I'm in a stage in my life where maybe I need to learn how to stay happy in a relationship. I don't want to be someone who goes in and out of relationships all the time because I got tired of them.

I guess I'm just asking this because I've yet to experience being with someone for many years, but something is telling me that this is a skill that I need to develop. Lol.

Anyone wanna help me out?

Happy is subjective. No one is really going to be able to tell you "how to stay happy". It's neither teachable nor a skill.

Short Answer: You don't.

Longer answer: If you go into a relationship with the expectation that you will receive complete and perpetual happiness in exchange, then you are setting yourself up with a false expectation that will be dashed the moment you become complacent and stop supporting your end of the relationship.

Sure, healthy relationships are based on shared joy, but they are also based on shared grief.  Other people have feelings too, and they are not always pleasant.  So if you cannot keep the other person happy 24/7, then there is no reason for you to expect them to keep you happy 24/7.

There are members of this website who seem to believe that if only they were in a relationship, all of their problems would be solved -- no more depression, no more joblessness, no more loneliness, and no more detractors pointing and laughing at them for being "losers".  Well, it just doesn't work that way.

You don't stay happy in a relationship.  The best you can hope for is to find someone who will stand up to you, look you in the eye, tell you what an ass you've made of yourself, and all the while doing it in such a way that you feel built up instead of torn down.

Really.

I actually kinda agree with you on this. A relationship did help me deal with some of my problems however I NEVER expected a relationship to only make me feel happy emotions. I wanted somebody who would be by my side in the bad times as well as the good. Yes we will have problems cuz all relationships do but having each other's back & trying your best to help support each other is the main reason I wanted a relationship. I believe the key to making a relationship work is commitment & willingness of both people to try & work together for the good of the relationship. Yes there may be LOTS of problems along the way & bumps on the road but I'm willing to stick things out & wanted a partne who would do the same.
If you weren't happy going to her house a lot CubsBullsBears, Would you had been OK with her going to your place more instead? & if not maybe you just need a relationship where you both do your own things more & spend less time together like a relationship with someone who's more independent.

[/quote]If you weren't happy going to her house a lot CubsBullsBears, Would you had been OK with her going to your place more instead? & if not maybe you just need a relationship where you both do your own things more & spend less time together like a relationship with someone who's more independent.[/quote]I don't think her going to my place more would've helped. The fact is that I just lost whatever attraction I had for her when I first met her. And if you're in a long-term relationship, aren't you supposed to feel happy being with that person all the time? Not exactly thinking that the grass is greener on the other side?

Btw, the reasons why it was 98% me going to her place was 1. Because she had the type of epilepsy that affects her ability to drive, so I was the only one with a car and 2. The few times that we were at my house, my dad made us stay in the living room/kitchen area. Her parents were even more laid back than mine is.

No. Reread Fnord and Nick.

No.Where are you getting this "supposed to" bushlit?  Romance novels?  The Hallmark channel? Grimm's Fairy Tales?

Pfft ... "Happily Ever After" indeed ... what a load of tripe!

Seriously, when in a committed relationship, both of you will experience ups and downs, and even occasionally wonder just how much greener the grass may be on the other side -- these things happen even in the best of relationships, and it does not necessarily mean that the relationships are over.

If you want me to be honest----I do believe there is always potential for "happily ever after."

Any relationship has problems----but if you two were meant to be together, you will overcome the problems, and the relationship might become stronger because of the work you put in to overcome them.

This ^

Do you also believe in fairy tales?

If so, then maybe that's why your advice to members of the "I can't get a date" crowd has been ineffective.

You are 19.

Don't strive to be happy in a relationship yet.

Sow those wild oats, laddie.

Smile and pump.

Don't strive to be happy at all. Those who forego strife are happiest.

When I retire, I intend to be happy....

Those that have strived for strife,

Looked the beast between the eye

and triumphed

But with only one leg.


Those are the happiest my friend.

Said everyone before retiring with nothing and ending up senile in a rest home for the elderly.

/smile

I have survived many hardships by NOT striving against them, but by seeking the easier path to peace.