"But a woman's number of options doesn't matter!"

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if they're all low standards men, thousand wont help,

men aint picky (in general) they have (in general) an inflated idea of their attractiveness


sperm is plenty

and eggs are on a ration



on bottom line it involves life and death, which item is in which camp?

there's even a stitch of lifetreateningness in saying <no> to any random shark

in the deep its not 'more comfy' around thousand sharks

The soulmate narrative doesn't work with online dating. It requires real-life contact.

The catfish are so good these day they can mimic or imitate real users.
Never ever send money to someone who is too good to be true on a dating site or social media.
Fake profiles are often created by the creators of dating sites to bring in paid consumers.
A celebrity, model, sports star, actor, musician will not need a dating site and a quick image check can reveal the pics have been stolen.

Refering to your OP. I've had this exact same conversation with other women. Granted the man we were discussing wasn't the most attractive guy on the planet, but I'm not the only single woman he knows. He has options.

Oh, but it doesn't matter, if you're the one he'll disregard all the superficial stuff. (superficial stuff was I wasn't well at the time and I felt like I looked ill).

Anyway, I wasn't "the one".

This is comforting to NTs. They don't like to overthink things.

If it's right it's right... aparently...

And they quickly associate overthinking to fear or lack of confidence.

Btw, she didn’t reply ever again.

Your post proves boos point. You pick the quality men not the losers.
Most aspie men aren’t quality men, we the quantity that gets thrown away.

Most women look at my picture and swipe me away, the few who read my profile see I’m worthless and swipe me away. Very few read my profile, non message me or match with me.

I'm in a different camp Sly, and I'm not some unicorn. I dont believe that most autistic men lack quality, not at all.

Maybe I'm biased, I've embraced being autistic and I'm not internalizing the crap society believes about ASD. I trust my own thoughts more than the masses inherited schemas of disability.

Most don’t have good jobs, cars, live alone, and good looking.
Few do , most seem to be on disability , don’t work, live with family and can’t even drive non less own a car. Not exactly what most would consider quality.
So compared to a guy who has all the above it’s no wonder guy like me gets ignored or told I’m ugly or told I’m not good enough.

I don’t think most women would give two cents about guy being aspie as long as he’s got his life together, now once in a relationship being aspie could cause friction, it as for getting dates it doesn’t matter.

Wish I’d died instead of my grandma.

Hugs to you Sly...
This forum maybe isn't the safest place for you to be so exposed while you grieve, do you want to chat in the haven, I'm open to a PM chat either if you would like?

Of course the number of people who message you matters. For one, letting all of the conversation about whether people are chosen for their unique connection with the chooser versus their objective qualities, if you get over 100 messages a day, you cannot possible respond to all of them. Some people, even 'highly desirable' ones, will not get a response just due to the fact that the person who received their messages didn't have time to even open and read it.

For another, there are definitely some objectively more or less desirable traits. I find that people tend to use these traits as front end filters, the same way employers will look at someone's resume to see if they want to interview the person. Similarly, people on dating sites with a lot of options are going to take the people they find the most intriguing on first impressions, and use their limited time to pursue them.

Now, to your friends point, after a certain point it does become about the connection two people have. Among 10 suitors who have steady jobs, are decently good looking, have some interesting aspects of their life, and are otherwise relatively 'attractive' people overall, the one who gets chosen will be the one with whom the chooser has the best connection.

So, in short, you are both correct to a degree.

Only someone who is privileged enough that they've never had to look at dating as a "numbers game" would say this.

Wish there was someone who could set me up with women I wish I could afford match maker. Wish government would pay for that instead of therapy that won’t help other then to make therapists richer.

I wish I wasn’t doomed to be alone forever

You can pm me

The young woman who was saying it looks like a model.

Yeah, she was obviously thinking of a totally different stage, which is after getting the girl’s attentjon, and that’s what I told her later in the conversation.
But not only her, even her female friend who joined the conversation (who is even younger and hotter), said exactly the same hive-mind thing.

I told them that BEFORE a guy gets the attention of the girl he would still be just a number among the dozens of suitors, so the more suitors the less chance he will get her first attention.
They both got upset at the usage of the word “number” and were like “Nooo no guy is a number”... etc “each one is unique...” , “All js about confidence and clicking...” ... bla bla.
hurtloam is right, plenty of NT women don’t seem like to overthink about romance in a logical way, everything to them is about “clicking” , confidence and magical things.

Obviously, they were thinking based on their experiences in dating in general as good looking young women, which is a totally an opposite world; the fact they were asking me every 1 min if she replied yet is a proof that they are so used for guys to reply them quickly to their texts, their minds were not able to compute how it is like from an average guy perspective, zero, nil.
They couldn’t compute that typically, a good looking girl on a dating app would keep the random guy waiting for hours, or even days, before she replied to a simple text - that if she replied at all - due to the fact that she has 1000 other suitors texting her.
I am sure they do the same but they never give it a thought.

And I see this on WP too; very very two different worlds; totally disconnected.

I get a lot of guys messaging me on Tinder (and Grindr, Fetlife etc.)

And 99% of them fall into the following categories:

-Lame middle-class straight guy with the personality of a glass of water
-Attractive and athletic "chad" types just looking for a booty call
-Chasers who don't see trans women as people, just accessories for their fetish

I get dozens of matches a day, talk to them for about five minutes each, and almost always I can clock them as one of those three types. And sometimes when I'm feeling daring, I'll tell a chaser "sure, you can f**k my tr***y ass but it's not going to be cheap, show me some benjamins", usually they unmatch me after that.

It's just basic sociology. Humans are a social animal, and to impress someone there's a personality filter you have to pass. And that goes for me too! I've had plenty of guys match with me because they liked my pics, and then not want to meet me because of my sh***y personality. It happens to women too.

I no longer give a s**t.