all too common...
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01 Sep 2019, 10:56 pm
Probably a common question.
Do NT folks get with Aspies romantically and is this successful? My daughter is 22 extremely shy and doesn't get involved in mainstream social events. She is friendly, but never starts or initiates any conversation. She is more responsive with one on one. Currently she meets a guy 22 at Leggo club each week, they the only participants .
He is confident, autistic, and loves a talk, but his speech is severely impaired. His hands shake constantly and I'm suprised how he builds his leggo creations and they are amazing. Not to be disrespectful, but to give you an idea, his speech is fast and forthcoming but sounds like an infant child's first speech, no clear start or clear end to words.
Both he and my daughter have never had a romantic relationship with anyone. They are starting to find ways how they can become more involved.
I find trying to understand his speech incredibly energy draining and I feel really bad for not understanding his speech. We have a support worker that is involved and over seeing the situation. My daughter has speech but doesnt want to or knows how to. He doesnt like crowds and is an indoors person.
On the flip side, do neurotypicals and aspies bring the good out in each other in a relationship? argh! wanting a bit of ying and yang, you know. Daughter is not too expressive with much of any of this.
I can't get any sense of how these 2 adults can at least build a friendship first, the 2 very different styles of communication seem strongly difficult.
02 Sep 2019, 12:15 am
leiselmum wrote:
Probably a common question.
Do NT folks get with Aspies romantically and is this successful? My daughter is 22 extremely shy and doesn't get involved in mainstream social events. She is friendly, but never starts or initiates any conversation. She is more responsive with one on one. Currently she meets a guy 22 at Leggo club each week, they the only participants .
He is confident, autistic, and loves a talk, but his speech is severely impaired. His hands shake constantly and I'm suprised how he builds his leggo creations and they are amazing. Not to be disrespectful, but to give you an idea, his speech is fast and forthcoming but sounds like an infant child's first speech, no clear start or clear end to words.
Both he and my daughter have never had a romantic relationship with anyone. They are starting to find ways how they can become more involved.
I find trying to understand his speech incredibly energy draining and I feel really bad for not understanding his speech. We have a support worker that is involved and over seeing the situation. My daughter has speech but doesnt want to or knows how to. He doesnt like crowds and is an indoors person.
On the flip side, do neurotypicals and aspies bring the good out in each other in a relationship? argh! wanting a bit of ying and yang, you know. Daughter is not too expressive with much of any of this.
I can't get any sense of how these 2 adults can at least build a friendship first, the 2 very different styles of communication seem strongly difficult.
Do NT folks get with Aspies romantically and is this successful? My daughter is 22 extremely shy and doesn't get involved in mainstream social events. She is friendly, but never starts or initiates any conversation. She is more responsive with one on one. Currently she meets a guy 22 at Leggo club each week, they the only participants .
He is confident, autistic, and loves a talk, but his speech is severely impaired. His hands shake constantly and I'm suprised how he builds his leggo creations and they are amazing. Not to be disrespectful, but to give you an idea, his speech is fast and forthcoming but sounds like an infant child's first speech, no clear start or clear end to words.
Both he and my daughter have never had a romantic relationship with anyone. They are starting to find ways how they can become more involved.
I find trying to understand his speech incredibly energy draining and I feel really bad for not understanding his speech. We have a support worker that is involved and over seeing the situation. My daughter has speech but doesnt want to or knows how to. He doesnt like crowds and is an indoors person.
On the flip side, do neurotypicals and aspies bring the good out in each other in a relationship? argh! wanting a bit of ying and yang, you know. Daughter is not too expressive with much of any of this.
I can't get any sense of how these 2 adults can at least build a friendship first, the 2 very different styles of communication seem strongly difficult.
It's certainly not unheard of for people in the spectrum to have relationships with NTs, but of course it will depend on the individuals involved as to whether it works or not. Whether they bring out the good in each other, I'd imagine, would also depend on the two individuals involved.
Though it is unlikely that somebody who is lower-functioning will have a successful romantic relationship with an NT. I find it difficult to imagine that the gentlemen you mentioned with the severe speech impediment would be able to get a relationship with an NT. I think as long as the relationship is a partnership and the NT doesn't need to make too many unreasonable accommodations, or practically take on a carer's role for the person with autism, it can work with the right people.
Has your daughter expressed interest in romantic relationships?
02 Sep 2019, 3:30 am
It should be noted that speed impediment does not necessarily translate into lower functioning. It could difficult for people to communicate when they have difficulty with speech....but people, and lovers, get around that and find alternative communication methods.
I don’t sense that the potential couple are intellectually dissimilar. Both seem to have at least normal intelligence.
In the movie “Children of a Lesser God,” a romance flourishes between a “normal” man and a deaf woman with no speech who could have been autistic, too.
The OP states that her daughter, in essence, “has speech but doesn’t want to speak sometimes.” Is she selectively mute? Maybe those two aren’t as “different” as what seems to meet the eye.
02 Sep 2019, 11:39 am
leiselmum wrote:
Currently she meets a guy 22 at Leggo club each week, they the only participants .
Are you saying that the Leggo club is regularly attended by only two people, or that only two of the possibly many more people there actually build anything?
leiselmum wrote:
He is confident, autistic, and loves a talk, but his speech is severely impaired. His hands shake constantly and I'm suprised how he builds his leggo creations and they are amazing. Not to be disrespectful, but to give you an idea, his speech is fast and forthcoming but sounds like an infant child's first speech, no clear start or clear end to words.
Both he and my daughter have never had a romantic relationship with anyone. They are starting to find ways how they can become more involved.
I find trying to understand his speech incredibly energy draining and I feel really bad for not understanding his speech.
Both he and my daughter have never had a romantic relationship with anyone. They are starting to find ways how they can become more involved.
I find trying to understand his speech incredibly energy draining and I feel really bad for not understanding his speech.
How is he at typing? Does he like to communicate via text and/or email and/or social media, and, if so, does he write clearly and coherently?
Likewise, how is your daughter at writing/typing?
leiselmum wrote:
We have a support worker that is involved and over seeing the situation. My daughter has speech but doesnt want to or knows how to.
I don't understand the above sentence. What does your daughter not want to or know how to do?
leiselmum wrote:
He doesnt like crowds and is an indoors person.
On the flip side, do neurotypicals and aspies bring the good out in each other in a relationship? argh! wanting a bit of ying and yang, you know.
On the flip side, do neurotypicals and aspies bring the good out in each other in a relationship? argh! wanting a bit of ying and yang, you know.
It's possible, and can be successful for some, but presents its own set of difficulties that would be made even more difficult by your daughter's lack of verbal (or at least vocal) expressiveness.
leiselmum wrote:
Daughter is not too expressive with much of any of this.
I can't get any sense of how these 2 adults can at least build a friendship first, the 2 very different styles of communication seem strongly difficult.
I can't get any sense of how these 2 adults can at least build a friendship first, the 2 very different styles of communication seem strongly difficult.
Offhand I would guess that either (1) they are building it on a primarily nonverbal level or (2) they are texting each other a lot.
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02 Sep 2019, 6:25 pm
kraftiekortie wrote:
It should be noted that speed impediment does not necessarily translate into lower functioning. It could difficult for people to communicate when they have difficulty with speech....but people, and lovers, get around that and find alternative communication methods.
I don’t sense that the potential couple are intellectually dissimilar. Both seem to have at least normal intelligence.
In the movie “Children of a Lesser God,” a romance flourishes between a “normal” man and a deaf woman with no speech who could have been autistic, too.
The OP states that her daughter, in essence, “has speech but doesn’t want to speak sometimes.” Is she selectively mute? Maybe those two aren’t as “different” as what seems to meet the eye.
I don’t sense that the potential couple are intellectually dissimilar. Both seem to have at least normal intelligence.
In the movie “Children of a Lesser God,” a romance flourishes between a “normal” man and a deaf woman with no speech who could have been autistic, too.
The OP states that her daughter, in essence, “has speech but doesn’t want to speak sometimes.” Is she selectively mute? Maybe those two aren’t as “different” as what seems to meet the eye.
What you've said is fair, and I agree that it's not impossible, but I would imagine that not many NTs would be open to a relationship with someone who has severe speech difficulties. I would guess that NDs would be more likely to be open to it though.
03 Sep 2019, 1:45 am
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
leiselmum wrote:
Probably a common question.
Do NT folks get with Aspies romantically and is this successful? My daughter is 22 extremely shy and doesn't get involved in mainstream social events. She is friendly, but never starts or initiates any conversation. She is more responsive with one on one. Currently she meets a guy 22 at Leggo club each week, they the only participants .
He is confident, autistic, and loves a talk, but his speech is severely impaired. His hands shake constantly and I'm suprised how he builds his leggo creations and they are amazing. Not to be disrespectful, but to give you an idea, his speech is fast and forthcoming but sounds like an infant child's first speech, no clear start or clear end to words.
Both he and my daughter have never had a romantic relationship with anyone. They are starting to find ways how they can become more involved.
I find trying to understand his speech incredibly energy draining and I feel really bad for not understanding his speech. We have a support worker that is involved and over seeing the situation. My daughter has speech but doesnt want to or knows how to. He doesnt like crowds and is an indoors person.
On the flip side, do neurotypicals and aspies bring the good out in each other in a relationship? argh! wanting a bit of ying and yang, you know. Daughter is not too expressive with much of any of this.
I can't get any sense of how these 2 adults can at least build a friendship first, the 2 very different styles of communication seem strongly difficult.
Do NT folks get with Aspies romantically and is this successful? My daughter is 22 extremely shy and doesn't get involved in mainstream social events. She is friendly, but never starts or initiates any conversation. She is more responsive with one on one. Currently she meets a guy 22 at Leggo club each week, they the only participants .
He is confident, autistic, and loves a talk, but his speech is severely impaired. His hands shake constantly and I'm suprised how he builds his leggo creations and they are amazing. Not to be disrespectful, but to give you an idea, his speech is fast and forthcoming but sounds like an infant child's first speech, no clear start or clear end to words.
Both he and my daughter have never had a romantic relationship with anyone. They are starting to find ways how they can become more involved.
I find trying to understand his speech incredibly energy draining and I feel really bad for not understanding his speech. We have a support worker that is involved and over seeing the situation. My daughter has speech but doesnt want to or knows how to. He doesnt like crowds and is an indoors person.
On the flip side, do neurotypicals and aspies bring the good out in each other in a relationship? argh! wanting a bit of ying and yang, you know. Daughter is not too expressive with much of any of this.
I can't get any sense of how these 2 adults can at least build a friendship first, the 2 very different styles of communication seem strongly difficult.
It's certainly not unheard of for people in the spectrum to have relationships with NTs, but of course it will depend on the individuals involved as to whether it works or not. Whether they bring out the good in each other, I'd imagine, would also depend on the two individuals involved.
Though it is unlikely that somebody who is lower-functioning will have a successful romantic relationship with an NT. I find it difficult to imagine that the gentlemen you mentioned with the severe speech impediment would be able to get a relationship with an NT. I think as long as the relationship is a partnership and the NT doesn't need to make too many unreasonable accommodations, or practically take on a carer's role for the person with autism, it can work with the right people.
Has your daughter expressed interest in romantic relationships?
Thanks for your input, My daughter has not expressed any interest in romanctic relationships. I may ask her to write a story on her ipad. I will learn more about this, in this way. She really only likes fandom things like the 2 guys on 'Supernatural' that hunt demons and monsters, but not in a romance kind of way, she thinks they are good looking. She may be asexual.
The guy at Leggo club in question is feeling a bit more comfortable because my daughter on the spectrum is not going to judge him straight up or ever. That is another good quality of hers, but if she doesnt want romance that just can't be made , friendship may be it, and that's fine. She does her diamond art and he does his Leggo creations. I asked about NT with apsies romantically because I just dont know the success rate of it. Would opposites better each other and strike a balance, I dont know.
03 Sep 2019, 1:56 am
kraftiekortie wrote:
It should be noted that speed impediment does not necessarily translate into lower functioning. It could difficult for people to communicate when they have difficulty with speech....but people, and lovers, get around that and find alternative communication methods.
I don’t sense that the potential couple are intellectually dissimilar. Both seem to have at least normal intelligence.
In the movie “Children of a Lesser God,” a romance flourishes between a “normal” man and a deaf woman with no speech who could have been autistic, too.
The OP states that her daughter, in essence, “has speech but doesn’t want to speak sometimes.” Is she selectively mute? Maybe those two aren’t as “different” as what seems to meet the eye.
I don’t sense that the potential couple are intellectually dissimilar. Both seem to have at least normal intelligence.
In the movie “Children of a Lesser God,” a romance flourishes between a “normal” man and a deaf woman with no speech who could have been autistic, too.
The OP states that her daughter, in essence, “has speech but doesn’t want to speak sometimes.” Is she selectively mute? Maybe those two aren’t as “different” as what seems to meet the eye.
The guy with the speech impediment is very confident, smart and funny and likes to talk, he has alot to say and very interactive. He says he sees the words in his mind but they dont come out in sound the same way he sees them. He has proloquo on his ipad, but his support worker encourages to use speech.
My daughter is timid and very shy, mixed with aspergers and social anxiety. Opens up only to those that invest alot of interaction one on one with her. She never initiates or starts anything and when she does open up, its 3 to 5 words at one time.
03 Sep 2019, 2:06 am
Mona Pereth wrote:
leiselmum wrote:
Currently she meets a guy 22 at Leggo club each week, they the only participants .
Are you saying that the Leggo club is regularly attended by only two people, or that only two of the possibly many more people there actually build anything?
Its Leggo Club, but only this guy builds things, and his support worker is helping with other skills, my daughter goes and does her diamond art.
leiselmum wrote:
He is confident, autistic, and loves a talk, but his speech is severely impaired. His hands shake constantly and I'm suprised how he builds his leggo creations and they are amazing. Not to be disrespectful, but to give you an idea, his speech is fast and forthcoming but sounds like an infant child's first speech, no clear start or clear end to words.
Both he and my daughter have never had a romantic relationship with anyone. They are starting to find ways how they can become more involved.
I find trying to understand his speech incredibly energy draining and I feel really bad for not understanding his speech.
Both he and my daughter have never had a romantic relationship with anyone. They are starting to find ways how they can become more involved.
I find trying to understand his speech incredibly energy draining and I feel really bad for not understanding his speech.
How is he at typing? Does he like to communicate via text and/or email and/or social media, and, if so, does he write clearly and coherently? He has proloquo to go on his ipad but is encouraged to use speech. He doesn't have email, or an iphone.
Likewise, how is your daughter at writing/typing? She is good at typing, email and texting. She has text to talk on her phone.
leiselmum wrote:
We have a support worker that is involved and over seeing the situation. My daughter has speech but doesnt want to or knows how to.
I don't understand the above sentence. What does your daughter not want to or know how to do? Sorry, she is very timid and has social anxiety with her aspergers. She is sort of selective mute. Definitely is not spontaneous with speech.
leiselmum wrote:
He doesnt like crowds and is an indoors person.
On the flip side, do neurotypicals and aspies bring the good out in each other in a relationship? argh! wanting a bit of ying and yang, you know.
On the flip side, do neurotypicals and aspies bring the good out in each other in a relationship? argh! wanting a bit of ying and yang, you know.
It's possible, and can be successful for some, but presents its own set of difficulties that would be made even more difficult by your daughter's lack of verbal (or at least vocal) expressiveness.
leiselmum wrote:
Daughter is not too expressive with much of any of this.
I can't get any sense of how these 2 adults can at least build a friendship first, the 2 very different styles of communication seem strongly difficult.
I can't get any sense of how these 2 adults can at least build a friendship first, the 2 very different styles of communication seem strongly difficult.
Offhand I would guess that either (1) they are building it on a primarily nonverbal level or (2) they are texting each other a lot.
