Am I always destined to be single?

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I’ve been dating my girlfriend for the past year. I am 28 years old she is 21 and she is my first and only steady girlfriend I’ve ever had.

I’ve been rejected so much in my life that I totally expected to be dumped by her and I told all my friends at the QSAC group that I go to that I don’t expect my relationship to last more than a year.

I did everything to be as perfect as possible, but I guess my best was not enough and she doesn’t deserve me obviously and obviously the next guy she gets will probably be a lot worse.

And I also told my friends at the meeting that no matter what I was going to do the break up was inevitable and they told me not to be negative but I told him I’m always right when I’m negative and obviously I’ve been white so many times about my negative predictions that it’s like clockwork.

When she told me the reason for the break up she told me that I didn’t push her boundaries enough but that’s the thing I didn’t push your boundaries because I did not want her to break up with me and that is exactly. No matter what I do things will not work out for me with my plans always backfire.

I guess I’m always destined to be single forever since every girl I’ve ever asked out beside her always reject me because they find out I’m autistic and they’re a bunch of ableist losers.

You have time to change your story. 28 is not that old. I didn't meet my husband until I was 34; my sister not until she was 39.

Live your life for you, be your best self, forget about looking for relationships. When you live for yourself and engage in the world the connections you make are your best chance at finding the right person. Without actually looking.

You did write two things that I think you should work on, however.

1. "I did everything to be as perfect as possible."

Relationships aren't about being perfect, they are about connecting. While, sure, people try to be their best and most attractive foot forward while dating, long run if you aren't revealing the real you, and connecting as the real you, you aren't having a relationship. You can't live your life as anyone but yourself, and neither can she. You have to slowly reveal your flaws and baggage and be vulnerable to each other. You can't have a relationship otherwise. All you can have is some mild casual dating. Basically, doing everything to be as perfect as possible is going to be self-defeating, because it gets in the way of making any actual real connection.

2. "I didn’t push your boundaries because I did not want her to break up with me."

In order for a relationship to progress, you HAVE to take risks. You have to be vulnerable. If you live in fear of her breaking up with you, you aren't in a relationship. There is no two way street. You can't have a relationship without a two way street. If you don't learn to take the risk, you won't be able to sustain the perfect relationship when it comes your way.

Hopefully the right person will make you feel secure enough that you won't feel drawn to create these false barriers. But before that, you probably have to kiss a few metaphorical toads and fail a few times. It is very rare for someone's first relationship to also be their forever. Most of us need to experiment a bit, fail a few times, and test the waters with some of the wrong people before we are ready to truly be in a permanent relationship.

You are already ahead of the game compared to many people because you did get a girlfriend! A one year relationship is a super solid start. Learn from it, and don't be afraid to try again. It's what we all have to go through, regardless of our neurology, and regardless of how many "nos" come before the next "yes."

It hurts now. Let yourself go through that. I don't want to mitigate how much it can hurt when a relationship ends. You have a right to feel it and express it. But, eventually, you can and will move on.

Thank you so much! I will definitely take that to heart, also you’re absolutely right, a year long relationship is an excellent start.

You have a girlfriend and you're asking why you're always destined to be single.


Riiiiiggghht.


Girls don't tend to like smart guys so you're in a better position than you think

When you find the right one for you, you will not have to worry. All will work out fine.

I know some others probably won't agree with this but maybe you'd be better off with a girl who has various disabilities, issues, problems, quirks. They tend to have fewer options & have a harder time relating to normal people so you might feel more secure in the relationship knowing that they'll have a harder time finding someone better for them compared to someone who's more normal. They may relate better to others who also have various disabilities, issues, quirks, problems. Even if they aren't the same ones, you'd both know what it's like to be different & have problems fitting in & being screwed over by society. Seeking out someone like that is what worked for me. Normal women would NEVER give me half a chance

The first girlfriend is always the hardest one to get. The second time 'round it will be easier.

Unless they themselves are smart too. I would expect most women to prefer intellectual near-equals. I certainly have always preferred intellectual near-equals.

They like smart charismatic guys but they hate smart neurotic guys.

Smart girls usually get tired of guys who don't their jokes, even though they otherwise have great personalities. Being able to tell and get jokes can be a great way of bonding with women. Think of it as modern poetry. They know when you really care about them.

Some women pretend to be dumb in order to attract guys. I've known some women who've admitted to that. Playing dumb won't help anyone get an intellectual near-equal.

Smart people usually have introverted personalities, obsessed with their unique interests and have low energy. Outgoing extroverted people are laid back, more interesting and have high energy. Introverts get along better with other introverts. Extroverts get along better with other extroverts.

Obviously, which is why I never played dumb with potential partners. Frankly I don't understand why any other woman plays dumb either, unless she believes that there's no such thing as a man who wants intellectual companionship.

I'm curious to hear more about the QSAC group. Please see the private message I sent you, in which I also mention some other support groups that might interest you if you aren't already aware of them.

I'll admit that I prefer women that others consider dumb but I do NOT see them as dumb. I see them as funny & CUTE. I'm ret*d compared to my peers & struggled majorly in skewl. My 2nd girlfriend was a lot smarter than me & she didn't really respect my opinion/ideas on things & I kinda felt like she was treating me like she knew she was smarter than me. I like girls others consider dumb cuz they're more on my level. I much prefer a girl who pretends to be dumb around me than a girl who treats me like I'm inferior cuz of my lack of intelligence.