Is it a myth or not that women dislike us?

Post Reply New Topic

Regardless of culture, it really depends on the individual person.

Some people react strongly to their biological/social Darwinist urges.

Others do use similar criteria in their selection of lovers as in their selection of friends.

Like seriously? Even such common sense needs explanation too?

- You wouldn’t have sex with a friend, so he or she doesn’t have to be sexually attractive to you.

- You are not supposed to have babies with a friend (unless he is bf or husband).

- You don’t share parenting responsibilities with a friend.

- You don’t live with a friend under the same roof

- You don’t share financial obligations with your friend

- If you “break up” with a friend there’s not much life changing consequences.

- If a friend turns out to be a psycho, it is less dangerous to you than a partner who turns out to be a psycho living with you all night all day.


If you agree with the above then you’re a super weird, and there’s no point to discuss this further.

The only part I agree with is sexual attraction.

You didn't live under the same roof with your last gf I knew of and you didn't mean to have babies with her (or any other AFAIK), so you can count these out.
Financial obligations depend on closeness of a friendship or stage of a relationship.
Leaving a psycho lover is similar in difficulty to getting rid of a psycho friend.

Unless you instantly married for life your romantic partner the moment you start anything with them but I know you don't.

My last gf and my current one; are both equivalent to what’s known as “friends with benefits”.


Lemme ask, why did you choose to marry your now-husband out of all your friends?

If your friendship selection criteria is 100% the same as your partner criteria then you could just close your eyes, and randomly grab the arm of one of your friends and be like “marry me”.

Please have some common sense; it’s not just the sexual attraction too, even tho it is a big part of it.

Could be similar but not exactly the same; naturally one would be way pickier in selecting a lover for the reasons I stated before.

Strongly agree. Without cannabis I would still be a depressed virgin with zero experience of romantic love or fulfilment (except I would have killed myself by now anyway; I tried often enough, in my younger days...). Equally, drink and drugs can make it infinitely easier for an Aspie to overcome mental blocks, social anxiety etc., so they also can make it easier for YOU to do some of the approaching.


Somewhat agree! However, I know in some cases it's not a workable recipe, e.g. some Aspies for one reason or another can't cope with intoxicants.

Yes. We were friends, then we started a relationship, then it grew, then we got married. The whole process until marriage took five years.


Not exactly the same but having a lot in common, with:
1. Focus on people as individuals, not statistics
2. Looking for those compatibile with me, not general population
relevant in both.

I believe I may have said something to that effect, i.e. that if (like me) you're generally hopeless at flirting in real space, you may be little better at it in cyberspace.


She eventually persuaded me of the self-evident truth of this, so you can now say you're agreeing with both of us!


I would like to challenge this, in the most non-confrontational fashion possible, for the sake of any Aspie men who might read your words and weep. Being emotionally insightful and intensely affectionate seems, to judge from grateful comments received, to be among my Aspie superpowers; I can also hang a picture dead straight without a spirit level, and I can tell you at one glance whether or not that piece of furniture is going to fit in the space you had in mind without a tape measure: so I suppose if you're having a personal crisis while also trying to rearrange your best parlour, I am someone's ideal man! But my main point is, having Asperger's need not necessarily indicate a man will always be deficient in the emotional and affection departments. He may have to put in some extra effort in those areas, which is perhaps what I do (if so, overcompensating clearly works!). But he is not automatically incapable of being supportive and empathetic, unless every girlfriend I've ever had was for some bizarre reason lying about that.


Very strongly agree. Not enough of a scientist to know if diamonds can actually ever be found in coal (if they can, then I've been getting my coal from the wrong supplier for the past 20-plus years...), but the point is absolutely valid.

I seriously cannot believe we're entertaining the fairytale notion that people appreciate ASD. This condition has segregated me away from anyone who ever got close to me.

Thanks teach51 for that summary. It seems to be a very honest assesment of what is going on.
I am used to either reading stuff that is overly optimistic and simple (which is just not compatible with what I've experienced in the real world,although usually written by well meaning people) or the overly negative stuff on the anti-aspie sites.
Its nice to get a candid view from someone who doesn't have either motivation.

I am sincerely sorry if you have not yet experienced it, but I absolutely promise you it can happen. I don't mean there is widespread general appreciation (far from it...!). On the rare occasions I dare to walk into the village pub, most people roll their eyes and pretend not to have seen me, but one or two people will sometimes light up like Christmas trees and be disarmingly friendly. At the risk of sounding snobbish, those will tend to be among the more intelligent members of the customer base.

It is not an all-eventualities guarantee. But it would be unduly pessimistic and negative to claim that no-one with Asperger's can ever be in any way appreciated by anyone.

If this "fairytale notion" were truly no more than that, then how (would you suggest) have I ever had any friends, let alone any kind of love life, and how have I sometimes had an audience of 100+ rolling in the aisles? Admittedly cannabis played a large part in the latter scenario, but still, it was me what done it, not some tedious Neurotypical.

I don't know Cberg, I have read your posts and felt your heart and you have shared your hardships sometimes, disabilities can be devastating I cannot dispute that. I have seen quadruplegics marry, people with all kinds of physical and mental challenges fall in love and marry, who to look at them you would not believe it would be possible . Maybe it's fate, karma, I don't know. Some people with ASD find love and companionship, some don't. Some people feel their disability is unsurmountable and some with a similar disability have more success. We all share our personal experiences here. Fate has brought many autistic people into my life and I see attributes in them all, that's how I am programmed. That's not to say that they have an easy time living.

On the first page he complained about "misogynistic" posts. And then moment later...he makes a misogynistic post hmself!

Yep diamonds are not found in coal but a development of coal I think, I just couldn't resist a little dramatic effect

I’m going to make an assumption. It may be a naïve assumption—probably is, in fact, because those are the kind I’m best at—but here is my probably naïve assumption: we’re here to try to help and encourage one another. Not necessarily we here on this planet (tho’ that would be kind of nice, I tend to feel...), but we here in this internet forum.

So it really does seem to me somewhat of a counsel of despair—and a cruel and counterproductive and totally out-of-order contribution—for some posters to insist on stating no A.S.D. man can possibly have any chance with women (or, inferentially, with men, according to preference or current inclination).

Passionately agree with Teach51 about fate, karma, and all manner of other unpredictables. Hope cannot be guaranteed, but nor can it ever be ruled out. This is not a statement of fairytale principle. It is a declaration of lived experience, in practice. Like it or don't. A.S.D. is a problem, not an actual cosmic curse.

Fine by me. If there's anyone on this entire forum who appreciates dramatic effect more than I do, I may be forced to kill myself in an extravagantly dramatic manner. In a theatre. In a velvet cloak. In a thunderstorm. By candlelight.