I think the trope you're referencing is women go for bad boys in their 20s, and look to settle down with a (financially and emotionally) stable, down-to-earth guy in their 30s. Obviously this isn't universally true, but the point I'm making here is that, sorry to say, but you fall into neither category.
hurtloam wrote:
That's because you're not a genuine nice guy.
You're self absorbed, only focussed on one thing, you're bitter, you constantly complain and have a huge chip on your shoulder.
Mature women want someone balanced, with a mature outlook, who doesn't behave like a victim of society. They want someone positive and grown up enough not to blame every tiny problem in their lives on their parents or people tgey dont like. Someone who doesn't harp on and on about the same things without looking at the positives or doing anything positive in their life.
Even when you do something positive, like take a college course that interests you, all you do is moan about all the negatives you think exist around that situation.
What are you bringing to a relationship? Why should they want to date you? Ask yourself what you can bring to the table. With work you can bring good things, but you're not ready yet.
There are some truths in what Hurtloam has said here that I think are important for you to think about.
I can understand you being absorbed by your problems (I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't), and feeling like the victim from time to time is not unreasonable, but you're not working to solve them, despite being offered a myriad of good advice from here (and I'm sure elsewhere). You don't seem to be doing much to improve yourself or your situation in any meaningful way. The only things you seem to be willing to do is those that require minimal effort, like putting yourself out there in a couple of extra social situations. You're not addressing your health (being pre-diabetic). You're not really addressing your employment situation in any meaningful way (where is your college degree going to get you career-wise?). You're not doing much or anything to change your living situation, or your geographical situation, so since you say the bible belt is so terrible, you should be working towards moving elsewhere if it's as bad as you say. And you really don't seem to be considering the pros and cons of being in a relationship with you, from the woman's perspective.
Nothing is changing for you because you are not working to make anything better for yourself. Whether it's a matter of it all being too much effort, or whether executive functioning issues are getting in the way, it's difficult to discern, but you're going to have to take a proactive approach to getting your life together before anything is likely to change in the love and dating department of your life. Moreover, from what I've seen from you, I think you need to start taking some responsibility for some of the issues you're having.
Obviously not every issue you're having is your fault, but I seldom see you take ownership for anything you've done (or not done) to contribute to your current situation. It always seems to be someone else's fault, and that's a terrible predisposition to have, because when everything is always someone else's fault, you strip yourself of ownership for your own actions, which means you give yourself permission to believe that it doesn't matter what bad choices you make, you're always going to be the blameless victim. I think this might be why you haven't done much of anything to better your life situation in the last 13 years.
hurtloam wrote:
What are you bringing to a relationship? Why should they want to date you? Ask yourself what you can bring to the table.
I think these are great questions for you to ask yourself. Not just about why somebody would want to date you, but also, what would turn people off dating you? Way up the pros and cons of dating you, and if you get stuck, you can always post a thread here. I'm sure there are plenty of people here who could help you figure that out if need be.
Also, what do you mean when you apply the word 'nice' to yourself? What is it about you that makes you a nice person? 'Nice' is one of those words that is so broad that in the absence of an obvious context, it's pretty meaningless.
People don't date other people just because they're nice. I could generally describe my male friends, or even my few female friends as 'nice', but I don't want to date any of them. People are looking for a whole lot more in a romantic partner than them just being 'nice'. Again, not that the word 'nice' means much, because people are often nice in some circumstances and not in others. I've seen you say things to and about people on this forum that I wouldn't consider to be 'nice' things.
11 Oct 2019, 6:40 pm
