Age Gaps.

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While it is true that age does not matter, because... Ummm. Let me explain.

When I was about 16 and a half I almost went on a date. I turned up. She turned up but we didn't connect. I mean... we didn't even speak. I have faceblindness. I didn't know it was her I was standing next to. She thought I had set her up... (I found this out the next day).
I was so upset that I had upset her that I decided not to date anyone. I stuck to this for years until in my mid 30's a lady basically took me by the hand and almost forced me to date her! Haha! I was trying to make excuses and she wasn't having it. I later found out after we were making wedding preperations that she was narcistic as se suddenly ended it without warning etc... I didn't even know it had ended! All ways to contact her were blocked. Even turning up at her families house was barred. But I'm going off track here.
Lets get back to the point. Because of the first date that ever happened... Because I was such in shock at the upset that I had caused the poor lady. Because of this... For some reason for many years my mind was stuck and not able to move on with my real age. As when I was admiring ladies, in my mind the girls 10 years younger then I was were my age?
Then one day I had the shock of my life. I was working a train where two ladies got on. They both looked much older then I thought I was. Now I know I look young for my age... but it was such an embarissing moment, because one of them said "You remember me?" I was puzzled. I didn't have a clue who they were. They said their names. I was in total shock. I was in school with them. They were my age. One... Actually both of them were stunningly beautiful when I was in school with them. I did not know what to say to them. I said something like "Ooh. You look older now." (I usually put my foot in it! Oops!). Then to diffuse things one said "Yes. We have had a life of partying"...
But it shocked me and concerned me. Why was it in my mind that I thought of myself as younger then I am, and the types of ladies I had been admiring, thinking that they are my age were much younger then I was.
I feel stuck in time and it is a horrible place to be...

Another reality hit me a few years ago and hit me again since then is that the ladies arond my age are nearly all mothers with gtown up children. Not a problem, but somehow I feel like I have missed out in life of having a family of my own. However, I am really scared and always have been of causing a lady pain. So if I married someone and she became pregnant I would feel upset because I would cause her the pain of childbirth. So while I would love to have children, to put a lady through that and be the cause of it makes me want to hide and cry my eyes out! Sorry for feeling emotional!

But is it just me who feels stuck in time in this way or is it common? And I am not saying I would not consider someone slightly older. My last GF (The second lady I dated) was a year older then me and she was a mum. So I am not inflexible. It is more that I naturally seem to think I am 10 years or so younger if I judge myself from the ages of the girls I think are my age and whom I am attracted to.

I tend to have the same problem, possibly because I go so long between crushes.

My solution was to join meetups for 30-40-somethings, and to go online dating and message people acceptably close to my own age.

Apparently I have no clue how old people are just by looking at them

None of my friends or partners have been my exact age or very close to it.

When I was little, I didn't have any friends. There were some kids in the neighborhood who played with me (and tolerated me despite regarding me as a freak), who were 2 to 4 years younger than me. Kids my own age didn't like me at all.

When I was in my 20's, I made a bunch of friends who were mostly 10 to 20 years older than me.

My current boyfriend is 11 years younger than me.

Its like I don't know what age I should be. Thanks for the understanding replies.

Observations from life experience:

1. Normal is a setting on a dryer.
2. Age is a number.

Age matters. Yes.

Deal with it romcoms.

Age "mattered" to me---in the sense that I really dug older women when I was a young man.

Though I also dug woman of my own age, too.

Inside me is a 5 year old child.

As far as your fears of getting married and becoming a father. I would suggest natural childbirth. I was there when both my children were born, holding the hand of my wife and welcoming the new ones into the world.

Us Aspies tend to mature slower than our peers & some studies say on average that our mental age is a 3rd less than our physical age. There is plenty of variation ofcorse & there even are Aspies who are mentally older than their physical ages. This said it would make sense for some of us to be attracted to younger people since we'd be more on the same mental age. My 1st girlfriend was 15 when I was 20 & my 2nd was 19 & I was 28(I met my 2nd & current on this forum). I never really been attracted to older women when it came to looking for a romantic relationship. I find various women including celebs & porn stars who are like a decade older than me attractive but I never really wanted a relationship with someone who was a bit older than me. I think part of the reason is that I'm behind my peers in some very important ways & I never had my sh!t together with life. I cant drive, didn't own my one place, & only worked 38 months of my life thou I tried for YEARS to find work. I was afraid that an older women would act like a mom with me & I NEVER had a good relationship with my mom. My mom resented me for being so dependent & demanding & she made it very known most all my life. I also know I don't have much to bring to the table in a relationship & I think one of my biggest relationship strengths is trying to be supportive of my partner & a younger girl is more likely to want & need that. My 1st girlfriend had some serious issues she was dealing with & she never knew her dad & cuz of the combination fo all that, she did have some "daddy issues" & I kinda felt like a parent with her in some ways. I'd much rather feel like a dad to my partner than feel like I'm her child.

However my current girlfriend is half a year older than me & she has some various issues she's dealing with so in some ways I do feel like a dad to her sometimes but she also feels like a mom to me sometimes so things kinda balance out.

I turned 40 yesterday, but not many people my age have the same interests. Most are younger, but I don’t want to be a “dirty old man” either.

My GF is only four years younger than me and we are going strong. In fact, she believes that if an age gap makes a relationship difficult, then some people should just forget about having one and move forward in life regardless if they find eventually the "right one" or not.

I’m 49 & my boyfriend is 43.