that1weirdgrrrl
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Joined: 19 Jul 2017
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,090
Location: Between my dreams and your fantasies
18 Jul 2020, 9:42 pm
19 Jul 2020, 1:47 pm
I don't suppose it's any coincidence the only person to really get close to me is a much better artist than I am. I'm not exactly the clear counterpart to anyone or anything as far as I can see, that's kind of an intriguing abstraction. I don't seem to serve any one particular function.
Well Martianprincess pointed out that there doesn't have to be any reason, I hope women in general are more aware of this open-endedness than I am. I'm probably trapped in a loop meanwhile.
I feel like I'm not aware of anything half the time but maybe other folks are.
Impostor syndrome isn't the same as actually being oblivious though. You did point out that there isn't necessarily anything in particular to be aware of, which is actually its' own bit of useful knowledge, I guess...
[url]
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mono_no_aware[/url]
I really like this mono no aware. I'm going to do something with it.
I find that I'm usually not doing much of anything when I'm in that mindset. The lack of context is an impediment to remembering that there doesn't have to be a point to everything...
_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos
that1weirdgrrrl
Veteran
Joined: 19 Jul 2017
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,090
Location: Between my dreams and your fantasies
19 Jul 2020, 7:02 pm
I don't suppose it's any coincidence the only person to really get close to me is a much better artist than I am. I'm not exactly the clear counterpart to anyone or anything as far as I can see, that's kind of an intriguing abstraction. I don't seem to serve any one particular function.
Well Martianprincess pointed out that there doesn't have to be any reason, I hope women in general are more aware of this open-endedness than I am. I'm probably trapped in a loop meanwhile.
I feel like I'm not aware of anything half the time but maybe other folks are.
Impostor syndrome isn't the same as actually being oblivious though. You did point out that there isn't necessarily anything in particular to be aware of, which is actually its' own bit of useful knowledge, I guess...
[url]
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mono_no_aware[/url]
I really like this mono no aware. I'm going to do something with it.
I find that I'm usually not doing much of anything when I'm in that mindset. The lack of context is an impediment to remembering that there doesn't have to be a point to everything...
There doesn't have to be a point, but you can always make one up
19 Jul 2020, 8:50 pm
There probably isn't considering I'm either a psychological case study, TV hacker stereotype or both in the eyes of basically everyone, not only women.
I'm not doing well against my own brain today. There's seemingly very little basis to trust much of anyone when they're not keeping in touch with me. I made it very clear that I don't trust social media & IMs. I go by what I actually feel about people nearby. People mostly ignore me as a result.
_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos
19 Jul 2020, 8:57 pm
I want to focus more on being affectionate, at least enough to actually come off as friendlier, but that's not exactly what anyone seems to want from me.
I have no idea what I'm doing. 
I'm optimistic, but that doesn't prevent me from being stupid.
_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos
auntblabby
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Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,740
Location: the island of defective toy santas
19 Jul 2020, 9:01 pm
join the club. 
19 Jul 2020, 9:15 pm
I kind of feel like the way we all treat autism (sometimes even our own) basically just comes down to driving people apart at the end of the day.
_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos
that1weirdgrrrl
Veteran
Joined: 19 Jul 2017
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,090
Location: Between my dreams and your fantasies
19 Jul 2020, 9:40 pm
20 Jul 2020, 9:12 pm
True enough, but people are treating autism like leprosy or something these days. Heaven forbid I ever honestly express myself, I always pay for it.
_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos
that1weirdgrrrl
Veteran
Joined: 19 Jul 2017
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,090
Location: Between my dreams and your fantasies
20 Jul 2020, 9:55 pm
21 Jul 2020, 3:09 pm
We're not the only ones with a faulty theory of mind. I think people are more offended by the idea of my social deficiency than its' manifestation.
_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos
22 Jul 2020, 10:43 pm
It's a mixed bag that my usual philosophical navel gazing & hermit lifestyle has become an optimal strategy for staying healthy as well as an acceptable norm, because before all this I was really trying to stop it entirely.
Now I don't know if I can ever do anything about having been so detached.
_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos
23 Jul 2020, 4:41 pm
Can I be a secret member?
_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos
auntblabby
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Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,740
Location: the island of defective toy santas
23 Jul 2020, 4:47 pm
Can I be a secret member?
indubitably.
that1weirdgrrrl
Veteran
Joined: 19 Jul 2017
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,090
Location: Between my dreams and your fantasies
23 Jul 2020, 5:36 pm
24 Jul 2020, 12:05 am
Being 'disordered' doesn't sound so much worse to me than being 'typical', either way we're not really aspiring to much of anything thinking that way, as I see it.
People harbor a lot of subconscious hatred of anything or anyone different.
_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos
