Calling All married Aspies to vote! AS/AS or AS/NT

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There are no separate marriage forum and there are quite few conflicting stats as to how marriages in the AS world fare. Would be wonderful to hear from the married group how they are doing. Hope and wish everyone is doing great!

Last edited by goldenstardust on 02 Oct 2019, 4:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It was rough before I was diagnosed with AS. Then we figured it out and had ten good years before my NT partner passed away.

I am so sorry BTDT. I can not imagine how hard it must be. Stay strong! Hugs.
What in particular helped you if you can at all talk about it. Maybe you can share something that could help others
so your pain and suffering would not go in vain. Sometimes one simple advice can go a long way for those who struggle.

AS-BAP marriage, so kind of neither AS-AS nor AS-NT.

Doing... kind of great We struggle with kids, my still recent burnout, poor executive functioning, poor social skills, fatigue - but otherwise we're doing great As I describe it, our relationship is healthier than any of us separately.

We compromised. We had weekend dates so I wasn't so self absorbed. I planned them during the week. We had fun all over New England. Long day trips that got shorter due to circumstances. I got alone time after work, but we spent an hour together every day.

It might help if you also put in there allistic or ND. Quite a few of us here have good relationships with partners that are not on the spectrum but aren't exactly NT either.

I'm like Magz - excellent relationship for a long time with someone not on the spectrum - for the sake of your poll I chose AS/NT.

This is wonderful. Thank you for sharing. If that was the solution then I am assuming.. perhaps wrongly?
that the problem was sense of isolation and loneliness for your partner due to no fault of either one of you,
just you being you and her needing more companionship prior to diagnosis? Where you did not realized fully the needs she had? Just guessing from what you said and what seems to be one of the predominant issues in the NT/AS relationships with time.?

You are right BenderRodriguez, that is a good point. I am yet to learn all the terms. It seems that there are a lot of terms out there that I have not encounter yet or are newly introduced. Thanks for your vote!

No worries - just saying that it has been my observation that a lot of happy/long-lasting couples here seem to be that way: either with "eccentrics", (AS/AD(H)D is fairly common too) or people who aren't on the spectrum but are not really "typical" either .

I posted this in the~ Aspies/Aspies, Aspies/NTs How long is/was your marriage? thread
Me & my current girlfriend would be married by now but we're both disabled & marriage would screw up her benefits. If we were married I would probably have to work a full time Vermont state minimum wage job to break even where we are now. Anyways we're both on the spectrum thou she's probably less on the spectrum than me. We've been living together about 7 years now & have been in a relationship for at least half a year longer. Our relationship is far from perfect. We both have various issues besides Aspergers which can make things very difficult for ourselves & each other sometimes. We both feel the other would be better off without us sometimes but we're both very loyal & committed to trying to make things work. We both need reassurance from the other sometimes. Life & environmental circumstances are playing a major factor too. Things start looking up in one way & then a bunch of sh!t goes wrong which stresses us out.

For this poll I voted for~ We are AS/AS couple and struggling

AS/NT doing well. There was no option for "We are doing well." To me, "We are doing great!" means things are phenomenal all the time. Life is a roller coaster of ups and downs no matter who you are. Great sometimes, not so great other times = "doing well" in my opinion....

HFA wife and ADD husband.
25 years and counting...
Went from "great" to "on the way out" to "great" again. Mainly due to my "NT" spouse finally stepping up to deal with his own issues and growth instead of constantly relying on my masterful pretending-to-be-normal skills to smooth the way for him.

The problems in an AS/NT marriage are NOT always spurred by the AS partner's challenges and do not always rest mainly on the NT partner's shoulders. Aspien women especially suffer from having their hard-won skills at functioning taken advantage of by NT partners who don't bother to address their own psychological/psychiatric issues.

AS married to eccentric NT, I checked “doing great”... bit of an overstatement, but we are doing well

Also like to add that life-changing events can will occur for the NT spouse sooner or later: and then it’s up to the AS one to support them whilst they pick up the pieces and put themselves back together again.