First girlfriend, dating for 3 months, not said I love you

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I managed to find a girlfriend finally but now I'm worried that after 3 month's I've told her I love her a couple of times and she hasnt said it at all. All she said about it is that she finds it hard to say that to another person and she needs more time. But how much time should I let pass before I start to worry? I'm a little anxious.

This is better than no relationship but if other men's girlfriends love them then I don't know why mine shouldn't love me.

I guess it's just words but it turns out to be important to me....

Alot of people don't say I love you for nearly a year I think, just avoid putting pressure on her to say it in return and if it's meant to be it'll happen

Give her time. Don’t force the issue.

You may be speeding up the relationship and not know it.

We could use some female input here.

^
Yep! Otherwise, don't use what other guys (allegedly) have as a yardstick, give her time, don't get your hopes too high and generally speaking, try to relax and enjoy the ride - your fist relationship is important, but this is not going to make or break you

I'm a female, but I don't know how helpful my input would be.

I've been in love a few times, but the only men it happened quickly with were ones with similar autistic traits where we could communicate on the same wavelength and enjoy the same things (and avoid the same things) together. These also happened to be the only men I had any natural "chemistry" with as well, and rather inconveniently intense at that, which was usually what prompted the relationship to begin with.

Other men I've had relationships with weren't neurotypical, but weren't autistic either. With them, there was initially interest but not "spark." It took a lot of time (as in many months), effort (near daily correspondence), and commitment (not playing the field at the same time) to build the relationship to a comfortable place for emotions to start kindling. I think the main thing was I had to get to a point of really feeling like were connecting together, not just enjoying being in proximity of each other, for bonding to begin, which meant a lot of bridge-building had to be done when we weren't naturally the same.

Is she also on the spectrum? People on the spectrum tend to have far more difficulty saying that than NTs do.

Whatever the reason, don't try to force it out of her. What's more important is that she displays affection towards you through her actions. Though I love my family, I very rarely actually say it to any of them as I find it hard (and I do feel guilty about it, but this is just the way I was programmed). However, I'm sure that they know that I really do care about them despite not saying it very often.

The less said the better. Give your love freely and unconditionally or move on. There is no obligation for her to respond in kind. When she does say she loves you, you will know its real and not because you forced her into it.

What do you and she actually do together? How often do you see each other? I am asking in case there is something inherently unsatisfying about the relationship that you think can be corrected by hearing her say she loves you. Otherwise I'd say I agree with what others have said.

Ok here is what happened, she dumped me, by text message, on boxing day, because she felt I wasnt attracted enough to her.

I was shocked. I genuinely tried. I woke up and literally said to myself "I am lucky to have her, how can I show I care today" on a regular basis.

She complained that I only initiated sex twice in four months but she knew from the beginning of the relationship that I was shy about this and the thing is, she NEVER initiated and a lot of the time she actually did things to destory the mood like talking about gross stuff when I wanted to kiss her.

She always wore a backpack in public and I tried so hard to hug her but couldnt.

She would make sure there was no opportunity for me to show affection, then out of the blue she dumped me for not showing enough affection. I was so upset because it can all be fixed but ahe didnt talk to me about it.

I now realise I was right to feel the way I did, I felt like she didnt really like me abd the relationship wasnt working.

But we live so close and have so much in common, I'm devastated that she wont overlook our differences.

One of the reasons she dumped me is because I went to an all night dance party fot new years eve and she HATES any kind of nightlife. But I told her you don't have to come, you are welcome, it's up to you.

She dumped me because sometimes I do things she doesn't like!

What we used to do together was go on nature walks and do photgraphy which we both love so much. So why isn't that enough? Why does she want me to only do that and not have my own interests?

What Ive realised is she showed a lot.of double standards. I cared about her friends and family and she never cared about mine. I never pressured her for sex but she pressured me for sex. I never looked down on her life choices but she clearly looked down on mine.

She did not compromise hardly at all. She complained that I invited her to too many resteraunts and cared too much about eating
But I love eating, and I'm not out of shape, we walked miles and miles and miles together.

This really upset me.

A lot of the time she would talk over me as well and I really got the impression she was being disrespectful. I was prepared to overlook it, I thought maybe she just doesnt have the best social skills. But it seems to be deeper than that, and I really think it must be a superiority complex.

Because she has a pattern of exes I told her , this is obviously your problem. I made the mistake of sending her all of these complaints so there's no coming back from this now. I told her she is not nice.

So you got dumped after doing something you wanted to do, but she hates? So if you date her, you're only allowed to do what she wants to do, or else?

'Else' is the correct choice here.

Yes. I was niave to be thinking about love when it seems like I hadn't really found acceptance.

I was blinded by the idea of what the relationship could be.

We've all been there, hoping that there was more feelings on their part than there actually was.

Don't beat yourself up about it. I know it's hard not to, but in time the pain will lessen. It took me about 10 months to get over my last mistake. When I look back I see now how he wasn't fully invested.

You are now free to meet someone better.