Board index › Coping in life › Love and Dating

parents bad attitude towards my romantic life!

Page 1 of 2 [ 20 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

Previous topic | Next topic

Jamesy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,529
Location: Near London United Kingdom

22 Mar 2020, 11:33 am

My parents rarely discuss my romantic life (or lack of) with me these days. When I do bring up the topic of me meeting up with a girl they just seem to get really embarrassed for me.


Do you think it’s unfair that my parents still hold these negative attitudes/outdated views about autistic people and there ability to find love? If I could have children I would love to have a daughter but not a son though.

Granted when I was 17 and in college my mom was a lot more enthusiastic about my ability to get a girlfriend. But nowadays she’s a lot pessimistic.



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 May 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 60,939
Location:      

22 Mar 2020, 11:36 am

You are 30 years old. Why do the opinions of your parents still matter to you?



Jamesy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,529
Location: Near London United Kingdom

22 Mar 2020, 11:38 am

Fnord wrote:
You are 30 years old. Why do the opinions of your parents still matter to you?



Well it would be nice if they could give me some encouragement to find love. Admittedly I am very shy/awkward when talking to women



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

22 Mar 2020, 11:47 am

You’re not that short. You are almost 5 foot 8. You go to venues which are very Asperger’s-unfriendly.

If I relied on bars and gyms to find women, I would have stayed a virgin.



Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 35,157
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

22 Mar 2020, 11:48 am

Jamesy wrote:
My parents rarely discuss my romantic life (or lack of) with me these days. When I do bring up the topic of me meeting up with a girl they just seem to get really embarrassed for me.


Do you think it’s unfair that my parents still hold these negative attitudes/outdated views about autistic people and there ability to find love? If I could have children I would love to have a daughter but not a son though.

Granted when I was 17 and in college my mom was a lot more enthusiastic about my ability to get a girlfriend. But nowadays she’s a lot pessimistic.


Well when is the last time you had a girl to go meet up with?...Perhaps if you haven't in a while they are just rather skeptical that you will be meeting up with a girl anytime soon.

Not sure it means they are holding negative attitudes or outdated views about autistic people per say. I mean did they say they doubt it because you have autism? or no?


_________________
Metal never dies. \m/


Jamesy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,529
Location: Near London United Kingdom

22 Mar 2020, 11:52 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
My parents rarely discuss my romantic life (or lack of) with me these days. When I do bring up the topic of me meeting up with a girl they just seem to get really embarrassed for me.


Do you think it’s unfair that my parents still hold these negative attitudes/outdated views about autistic people and there ability to find love? If I could have children I would love to have a daughter but not a son though.

Granted when I was 17 and in college my mom was a lot more enthusiastic about my ability to get a girlfriend. But nowadays she’s a lot pessimistic.


Well when is the last time you had a girl to go meet up with?...Perhaps if you haven't in a while they are just rather skeptical that you will be meeting up with a girl anytime soon.

Not sure it means they are holding negative attitudes or outdated views about autistic people per say. I mean did they say they doubt it because you have autism? or no?





My dad has said before that people with Down syndrome should not be allowed to have sex because they will have Down syndrome babies. And also we should protect people with Down syndrome from romance because they might give there condition to someone else.



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 May 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 60,939
Location:      

22 Mar 2020, 11:53 am

Jamesy wrote:
Fnord wrote:
You are 30 years old. Why do the opinions of your parents still matter to you?
Well it would be nice if they could give me some encouragement to find love. Admittedly I am very shy/awkward when talking to women
Are you implying that it is somehow your parents' fault that you do not have a girlfriend?



Jamesy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,529
Location: Near London United Kingdom

22 Mar 2020, 11:56 am

Fnord wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
Fnord wrote:
You are 30 years old. Why do the opinions of your parents still matter to you?
Well it would be nice if they could give me some encouragement to find love. Admittedly I am very shy/awkward when talking to women
Are you implying that it is somehow your parents' fault that you do not have a girlfriend?




Well my parents have made a massive effort to find me jobs in the past....they could also perhaps also make the effort to set me up on a date with someone? Lol



Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 35,157
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

22 Mar 2020, 11:59 am

Jamesy wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
My parents rarely discuss my romantic life (or lack of) with me these days. When I do bring up the topic of me meeting up with a girl they just seem to get really embarrassed for me.


Do you think it’s unfair that my parents still hold these negative attitudes/outdated views about autistic people and there ability to find love? If I could have children I would love to have a daughter but not a son though.

Granted when I was 17 and in college my mom was a lot more enthusiastic about my ability to get a girlfriend. But nowadays she’s a lot pessimistic.


Well when is the last time you had a girl to go meet up with?...Perhaps if you haven't in a while they are just rather skeptical that you will be meeting up with a girl anytime soon.

Not sure it means they are holding negative attitudes or outdated views about autistic people per say. I mean did they say they doubt it because you have autism? or no?




My dad has said before that people with Down syndrome should not be allowed to have sex because they will have Down syndrome babies. And also we should protect people with Down syndrome from romance because they might give there condition to someone else.



Ok well in that case you can dismiss his opinions on the topic as being useless...

However, that comment shows negative attitudes and outdated views about people with downs syndrome not autism. But I suspect he is not any more knowledgeable about autism.


_________________
Metal never dies. \m/


Karamazov
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Mar 2012
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,979
Location: Rural England

22 Mar 2020, 12:04 pm

Jamesy wrote:
Fnord wrote:
You are 30 years old. Why do the opinions of your parents still matter to you?



Well it would be nice if they could give me some encouragement to find love. Admittedly I am very shy/awkward when talking to women


I gave up on the idea that I’d ever have a girlfriend.
Oddly enough, once I stopped worrying about it I felt much less anxious around women: it didn’t matter as much if they didn’t find me likeable.
Except, a few of them did find me likeable: once I’d stopped self sabotaging by adding desperation-anxiety to my other communication issues.
A few dalliances, a train-wreck relationship* and a bit of self reflection as a result and I’m now happily married.


* I’ve said this somewhere before here: a relationship will solve none of whatever problems you may, or may not, have; it’s a different situation within which to deal with them... or fail to do so.
I don’t know what hopes/dreams/expectations of a relationship you have, but thought I’d better state that little lesson of experience :wink:



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 May 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 60,939
Location:      

22 Mar 2020, 12:07 pm

Jamesy wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
Fnord wrote:
You are 30 years old. Why do the opinions of your parents still matter to you?
Well it would be nice if they could give me some encouragement to find love. Admittedly I am very shy/awkward when talking to women
Are you implying that it is somehow your parents' fault that you do not have a girlfriend?
Well my parents have made a massive effort to find me jobs in the past... they could also perhaps also make the effort to set me up on a date with someone?
Have you spoken with your parents about this? Have you asked them to set you up on a date?

Be careful what you wish for ... you may find out exactly what kind of woman they think you deserve ...



Jamesy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,529
Location: Near London United Kingdom

22 Mar 2020, 12:09 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
My parents rarely discuss my romantic life (or lack of) with me these days. When I do bring up the topic of me meeting up with a girl they just seem to get really embarrassed for me.


Do you think it’s unfair that my parents still hold these negative attitudes/outdated views about autistic people and there ability to find love? If I could have children I would love to have a daughter but not a son though.

Granted when I was 17 and in college my mom was a lot more enthusiastic about my ability to get a girlfriend. But nowadays she’s a lot pessimistic.


Well when is the last time you had a girl to go meet up with?...Perhaps if you haven't in a while they are just rather skeptical that you will be meeting up with a girl anytime soon.

Not sure it means they are holding negative attitudes or outdated views about autistic people per say. I mean did they say they doubt it because you have autism? or no?




My dad has said before that people with Down syndrome should not be allowed to have sex because they will have Down syndrome babies. And also we should protect people with Down syndrome from romance because they might give there condition to someone else.



Ok well in that case you can dismiss his opinions on the topic as being useless...

However, that comment shows negative attitudes and outdated views about people with downs syndrome not autism. But I suspect he is not any more knowledgeable about autism.



Yeah true he might also think that people with autism should not have sex or children.

I remember way back in 2007 my dad said “please don’t even think about asking a girl out in one of your classes” and I asked him why and he said “because they will probably say no” and also “i am trying to protect you”. The protect you quote goes back to what I saying about what my dad said about “protecting Down syndrome people because they might give it to someone else”





Oh yeah I forget to mention back when I was in school my younger brother said to me “maybe we could get you some deformed girl” 8O



Jamesy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,529
Location: Near London United Kingdom

22 Mar 2020, 12:33 pm

Hmmm this threads gone a bit quiet all of a sudden :?



Karamazov
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Mar 2012
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,979
Location: Rural England

22 Mar 2020, 12:41 pm

^ there are many threads to attend to, and one must take time-zones and routines into account as well. :wink:

Also: I’ve spent up to forty minutes composing posts to make sure I’ve covered everything and done so with clarity before now.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

22 Mar 2020, 2:30 pm

Autism does not preclude anyone from romance.



Jamesy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,529
Location: Near London United Kingdom

22 Mar 2020, 2:42 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Autism does not preclude anyone from romance.



i think down syndrome can though