Do women simply just dislike Aspie men?

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rick42
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24 Apr 2020, 2:11 pm

In my 36 years of living,not a single a girl/woman have ever showed interest in me at all. Not a romantic way. Not even in a friendship way neither. Every girl/woman I have ever talked to have rejected me before they even get to know me,and within a couple/few conversations,they don't want to talk with me anymore.When looking back on my life,I never made out with a female,never kissed a female,never dated a female,never talked to a female on the phone,never hang out with a female.Hell,I never even went as far hugging or having great/long conversation with a female outside of family before(yea sounds pathetic doesn't it). They have always look down on me and treat me poorly.It's gotten so bad to the point where within the last of couple years, I have pretty much stop trying to talk with women at all,unless they're family and even then, I try to avoid them as much as possible. From my experience ,I feel woman just dislike aspie guys,probably due our social Awkwardness and lacking charisma,which comes with having Aspergers in the first place. Is it hopeless/a waste of time for aspie men to even bothering conversing with women outside of family? Why do women dislike us so much? Is it because we too boring for women? Is because of our Social Awkwardness? For the few aspie men who managed to even get to a friendship level with women,let alone get to date women,what would make you different from other Aspie men to the point where women want anything to do with you?



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24 Apr 2020, 3:07 pm

SOME women may not like SOME aspie men. This does not mean that ALL women do not like ALL aspie men.

If a man has never had a date, then that man should determine the single most common factor of that fact.

Usually, it's just the man himself -- not the women.


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Wolfram87
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24 Apr 2020, 3:33 pm

Possessing, as aspies by and large apparently do, the power of long-range telepathy, I can confirm that "aspie men" are indeed part of an exhaustive and detailed list of things that women, being of a hive-mind comprising slightly more than half the human race as they are, do indeed find utterly repulsive and actively conspire to avoid at all cost.

Or, y'know, the usual response: some do, some don't and obssessing over generalities like this isn't particularly productive. Might be that more women dislike some aspie traits than are attracted by them, but why would you want to attract women who don't find you attractive anyway?

Fnord is right, or at least has a point. Working on yourself is key. You don't even have to go very far with any one aspect. You don't have to become a gym bro, but find a gym routine and work out; it's good for you, it builds confidence and improves your looks (also pay attention to what and how you eat; garbage in, garbage out). Dress well; you don't need to become a fashionista, but find a few outfits that works for you so that you have that in your arsenal. Groom yourself; good hygiene and maybe a cologne or two, no need to go overboard. Cultivate your interests and, this is the part where many aspies seem to fail; learn to take pleasure in challenging yourself. It's easy to get stuck in that comfort zone (it's called that because it's comfortable), but seeing as it contains no women and you would like it to, it's time to sally forth and see what lurks outside of it.


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rick42
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24 Apr 2020, 3:52 pm

Wolfram87 wrote:
Possessing, as aspies by and large apparently do, the power of long-range telepathy, I can confirm that "aspie men" are indeed part of an exhaustive and detailed list of things that women, being of a hive-mind comprising slightly more than half the human race as they are, do indeed find utterly repulsive and actively conspire to avoid at all cost.

Or, y'know, the usual response: some do, some don't and obssessing over generalities like this isn't particularly productive. Might be that more women dislike some aspie traits than are attracted by them, but why would you want to attract women who don't find you attractive anyway?

Fnord is right, or at least has a point. Working on yourself is key. You don't even have to go very far with any one aspect. You don't have to become a gym bro, but find a gym routine and work out; it's good for you, it builds confidence and improves your looks (also pay attention to what and how you eat; garbage in, garbage out). Dress well; you don't need to become a fashionista, but find a few outfits that works for you so that you have that in your arsenal. Groom yourself; good hygiene and maybe a cologne or two, no need to go overboard. Cultivate your interests and, this is the part where many aspies seem to fail; learn to take pleasure in challenging yourself. It's easy to get stuck in that comfort zone (it's called that because it's comfortable), but seeing as it contains no women and you would like it to, it's time to sally forth and see what lurks outside of it.



The problem is I'm not sure if any girls/women are attracted to Aspie male traits.I have talked with hundreds upon hundreds of girls/women(including a couple of aspie women) over my lifetime, and every single last one of them rejected me and wanted nothing to do with me at all. Not because I'm choosing to talk to the wrong women.I have talked to Aspie women,shy women,outgoing women,nerdy women, women who are goths,women who are ether very introverted ,women who are very extroverted and in between,women who are unpopular or popular women.It doesn't even matter if the woman value intelligence over being very charming(is probably very,very few and far between). The results are ALWAYS rejection and never want anything to do with me.

It's also not because of the lack of trying to improve myself.I try keep to keep myself from being overweight.I try to hide/suppress my Social Awkwardness as much as possible without forgetting who I'm am.I have tried to appear less weird over the years.Until Covid 19,I had a job. I also take a shower everyday and put decent clothes on. So I do work on myself,unless you mean "work on yourself" as in being becoming a NT,which is a impossible and pointless task.Outside of a few very mild issues,my only real issues I have are that I'm socially awkward and not very charming ,what is impossible to fully fix if you're a aspie. How many women would really be attracted to men with Asperger Syndrome ?I wouldn't be surprised if number of women who might like aspie men is so small, that it's pretty much pointless for us to even look for these women.Just like it's pretty much pointless for us to really look as aspie women since we outnumber them 4:1 along the fact that many aspie women that are dating NT men anyway.



Last edited by rick42 on 24 Apr 2020, 4:16 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Wolfram87
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24 Apr 2020, 4:07 pm

I've been on dates, I've been in a relationship, I've had sex. There are members here who are married and have children. The pool of women you haven't met and talked to will always be greater than that of which you have.

No, I don't mean work on becoming NT, that's an absurd prospect, and not even slightly viable in the long run. But charm isn't an inherent trait, it's a skill. And like any other skill, they key to mastery is practice.

A word of warning though, because you seem to need it; whether aspie or NT, there are very few things more off-putting than desperation. Learn to relax and take things as they come; I know from experience that attaching too much hope to a relationship too early is a mistake that will leave you crushed if it doesn't work out.


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24 Apr 2020, 4:28 pm

Wolfram already made some good points, other things that helped me a lot were studying body-language and social skills (manners and basic social rules of interaction is what I'm actually talking about) and learning both how to apply some of these things and read the signals I'm getting from others. As Aspies we're naturally blind to such things, but they can be learned, same way you would a foreign language.

There's something I've been meaning to ask you (rick) for a while: what kind of place are you living in? The thing that also turned my life around was moving from a very conformist, uniform and stifling place. When you're different or want different things from the "norm", it's very, very hard to find someone if you're stuck in a place where there's only one (approved) way to live your life and everybody is taught to want the same things. An odd foot needs an odd shoe and it's almost impossible to find one in that type of community.

For reference, I'm (happily) married and had previous relationships, both short and long.


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24 Apr 2020, 4:44 pm

Wolfram87 wrote:
I've been on dates, I've been in a relationship, I've had sex. There are members here who are married and have children. The pool of women you haven't met and talked to will always be greater than that of which you have.

No, I don't mean work on becoming NT, that's an absurd prospect, and not even slightly viable in the long run. But charm isn't an inherent trait, it's a skill. And like any other skill, they key to mastery is practice.

A word of warning though, because you seem to need it; whether aspie or NT, there are very few things more off-putting than desperation. Learn to relax and take things as they come; I know from experience that attaching too much hope to a relationship too early is a mistake that will leave you crushed if it doesn't work out.


@rick42 (married, no children)
Reading a mixture of old fiction (Victorian or slightly older) and non-fiction published by universities can expand your vocabulary immensely and make it easier to put your thoughts & responses over to people without causing too much in the way of problems.
Although blurting our things you shouldn’t remains an issue, they then have the option of finding it an eccentric, forgivable quirk: some, but by no means all, will go with that.

Do you go out in a social way?
(Anything: bird watching club, model railway society, one particular music night at a small bar, anything else)
Can be very useful for practicing “being” with humans, with the benefit of having a shared interest to focus on.

The other problem of high expectations for any situation is you run the risk of increasing your baseline anxiety level, which will make everything harder to cope with and navigate.



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24 Apr 2020, 5:57 pm

***edited because this is all pretty negative & I'm not so sure I want to hang around here***


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Last edited by cberg on 24 Apr 2020, 7:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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24 Apr 2020, 6:22 pm

I know a guy who is short and ugly yet has no trouble finding partners. His secret? He knows his place in the dating scene, and knows who to approach. Fact is, no matter nobody wants to be second or third choice. You can't start off by approaching the prettiest woman, getting rejected, and asking anyone else in room/social circle.



rick42
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24 Apr 2020, 6:56 pm

Wolfram87 wrote:
I've been on dates, I've been in a relationship, I've had sex. There are members here who are married and have children. The pool of women you haven't met and talked to will always be greater than that of which you have.

No, I don't mean work on becoming NT, that's an absurd prospect, and not even slightly viable in the long run. But charm isn't an inherent trait, it's a skill. And like any other skill, they key to mastery is practice.

A word of warning though, because you seem to need it; whether aspie or NT, there are very few things more off-putting than desperation. Learn to relax and take things as they come; I know from experience that attaching too much hope to a relationship too early is a mistake that will leave you crushed if it doesn't work out.



How I'm being desperate? I understand not everyone I interact with will want to date me or even be friends with me.My issue is that I get rejected by every single female I have ever met to this point and also been rejected by most males(except for a few ).Also,I have pretty have avoided myself from talking with women outside of family completely within the last couple of years.I pretty much also have avoid social situation for about 2 years now.I guess you could I have some history about desperate when I was young,but was more of my High School and College years,but since then not really. It's possible I can become more charming overtime if I work on it,which would help to improve my chances. However, I not sure I will become as charming as the average NT man,which still may put me at a disadvantage.



Last edited by rick42 on 24 Apr 2020, 7:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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24 Apr 2020, 6:57 pm

Well my wife is currently on her second Aspie and I am on my third NT wife so my conclusion is that at least three do.


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rick42
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24 Apr 2020, 7:06 pm

BTDT wrote:
I know a guy who is short and ugly yet has no trouble finding partners. His secret? He knows his place in the dating scene, and knows who to approach. Fact is, no matter nobody wants to be second or third choice. You can't start off by approaching the prettiest woman, getting rejected, and asking anyone else in room/social circle.



The difference is that I'm not ugly/fat or short,so it's not the best comparison. Also I have approached "non attractive" women as well and I still get rejected.So I do "lower" my standards to try to help my chances. I will try make a effort to be more charming,along with other self improvement to improve my chances.



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24 Apr 2020, 8:11 pm

rick42 wrote:
For the few aspie men who managed to even get to a friendship level with women,let alone get to date women,what would make you different from other Aspie men to the point where women want anything to do with you?
I'm kinda the opposite of a typical Aspie guy when it comes to romantic relationships. I'm very affectionate, love intimacy(not in a sexual way thou that's nice too), & I think being supportive(or at least trying to be) is one of my biggest relationship strengths. I have various physical & mental disabilities besides Aspergers that make me deemed a loser by society. I know I have more my fair share of faults but I tried to play on my strengths. I sought out women with so-called issues/disabilities/problems & when I got in a romantic relationship, I tried to let my loyalty & affection show. My 1st girlfriend was 15 when I was 20. She had dyslexia, ADHD, & a little OCD. We met on a forum & really connected cuz I'm also dyslexic & have ADDH & OCD. She also never knew her dad & I think because of that & our age difference, there were some daddy issues going on. She had some various issues she was dealing with like drugs & alcohol that she was trying to quit. I fell into a sever depression when we broke up & I started trying to work on my mental health. I believed having someone around who understood, related, & tried to be supportive would help a lot. I tried to seek out women with various things because I hoped they'd be attracted to the fact that I related. I tried various ways to meet women online & offline & I never got so my as a single date. I would of went the mail-order bride route if I would of had the money & resources & I would of taken in a girl who needed a place to stay if I would of had my own place. I got my 2nd girlfriend when I was 28. I met my 2nd girlfriend on this forum by posting aLOT about various things including the way I act within a relationship, the way I treat my partner ect ect. She was kinda wanting similar things within a relationship & she was 19 & was in the process of trying to figure herself out. Shortly after she broke up with me my current girlfriend sent me a PM on this forum. She has lots of various issues she's dealing with & like me she also cant handle living alone. We have a very interdependent relationship. Our relationship is very difficult lots of time but we both know any romantic relationship we'd have with anyone would be difficult cuz we each have more than our fair share of issues & there is no such thing as a perfect person or a perfect relationship.


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24 Apr 2020, 10:24 pm

Fnord wrote:
SOME women may not like SOME aspie men. This does not mean that ALL women do not like ALL aspie men.

If a man has never had a date, then that man should determine the single most common factor of that fact.

Usually, it's just the man himself -- not the women.


Basically this. I don't really have much more to add.


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25 Apr 2020, 5:11 am

rick42 wrote:
How I'm being desperate?


Perhaps desperate isn't the right word, but the thread title and the general tenor of your posts suggests a degree of frustration and hopelessness, which is likely to come across as the same thing to a prospective date. There are a few users around here who have been making this sort of thread every few days for years, with no sign of an epiphany as of yet.


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25 Apr 2020, 7:53 am

Wolfram87 wrote:
rick42 wrote:
There are a few users around here who have been making this sort of thread every few days for years, with no sign of an epiphany as of yet.
I made quite aLOT of posts like this but I sorta lucked out into getting my girlfriend. I think it also helped that I tried to seek out & be appealing to women who were desperate, felt hopeless ect.


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