The_Face_of_Boo
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Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,890
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
23 May 2020, 12:25 pm
hurtloam wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Women might have to deal with more s**t but they're not reminded all of the time about how they fail as women for not meeting certain criteria. With privilege comes expectations.
I dunno. I felt like a failure at being a woman. Especially around NT women.
You feel unattractive, you think you must be too fat, your hair isn't right, you can't do your makeup and look as pretty as other women. I have wild hair that is like a bombsite. No products can fully tame it. I hate wearing nail polish it makes my nails feel weird. I hate high heels, they hurt my feet. I'm too logical to be in pain to look "attractive".
Us aspie women can be too direct and "unfeminine" in a way. We are opinionated, we love to learn facts, so we know a lot and that comes over in our conversation and makes us intimidating to men.
My house isn't as well put together as an NT woman's. I lived with an NT, she hated everything I owned.
Yes, aspie women are made to feel like failures as women. By men who don't find us attractive, or at least find us attractive, but hate our personalities so much they enjoy flirting with us, but won't introduce us to their family or friends. And by women who know how to be feminine better than us.
For what it's worth I'm not suggesting that aspie women can't/won't feel that way as well but at the same time that it's not necessarily as driven by society constantly reminding as (yet again) almost en masse ignoring in the same way some other issues get focused on much more when they involve and impact men.
I might be wrong since I've never lived as a woman that I'm aware of.
(yes, I'm also confused by that last clause)Yes, you're wrong. You have no idea what it's like to be a woman and having society tell you to be a way that you can't be.
You don't have Aunts asking, "have you found a boyfriend YET?" In your 30s like you're failling to meet a goal in normal human life.
You don't have older women telling you that, "you're just too independent", or "if you are a loving person you will draw love to you".
Yes I do have a such aunt too lol.
She literally told me once “when do you want to get married? when’re you’re over 40? What are you waiting for?”
23 May 2020, 2:04 pm
23 May 2020, 2:26 pm
23 May 2020, 5:44 pm
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Women might have to deal with more s**t but they're not reminded all of the time about how they fail as women for not meeting certain criteria. With privilege comes expectations.
I dunno. I felt like a failure at being a woman. Especially around NT women.
You feel unattractive, you think you must be too fat, your hair isn't right, you can't do your makeup and look as pretty as other women. I have wild hair that is like a bombsite. No products can fully tame it. I hate wearing nail polish it makes my nails feel weird. I hate high heels, they hurt my feet. I'm too logical to be in pain to look "attractive".
Us aspie women can be too direct and "unfeminine" in a way. We are opinionated, we love to learn facts, so we know a lot and that comes over in our conversation and makes us intimidating to men.
My house isn't as well put together as an NT woman's. I lived with an NT, she hated everything I owned.
Yes, aspie women are made to feel like failures as women. By men who don't find us attractive, or at least find us attractive, but hate our personalities so much they enjoy flirting with us, but won't introduce us to their family or friends. And by women who know how to be feminine better than us.
For what it's worth I'm not suggesting that aspie women can't/won't feel that way as well but at the same time that it's not necessarily as driven by society constantly reminding as (yet again) almost en masse ignoring in the same way some other issues get focused on much more when they involve and impact men.
I might be wrong since I've never lived as a woman that I'm aware of.
(yes, I'm also confused by that last clause)Yes, you're wrong. You have no idea what it's like to be a woman and having society tell you to be a way that you can't be.
You don't have Aunts asking, "have you found a boyfriend YET?" In your 30s like you're failling to meet a goal in normal human life.
You don't have older women telling you that, "you're just too independent", or "if you are a loving person you will draw love to you".
Yes I do have a such aunt too lol.
She literally told me once “when do you want to get married? when’re you’re over 40? What are you waiting for?”
People at work tell me that.
23 May 2020, 6:14 pm
funeralxempire
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Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 39
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 25,575
Location: Right over your left shoulder
23 May 2020, 6:23 pm
hurtloam wrote:
Well I'm waiting for someone that wants to participate lol.
If you like Muppets you probably have my attention.
23 May 2020, 6:29 pm
funeralxempire wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Well I'm waiting for someone that wants to participate lol.
If you like Muppets you probably have my attention.
Haven't we had this conversation before? I'm very specifically a Fraggle and my favourite food is radishes.
23 May 2020, 6:38 pm
funeralxempire
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Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 39
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 25,575
Location: Right over your left shoulder
23 May 2020, 7:24 pm
hurtloam wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Well I'm waiting for someone that wants to participate lol.
If you like Muppets you probably have my attention.
Haven't we had this conversation before? I'm very specifically a Fraggle and my favourite food is radishes.
We might have. I have the memory of a drunk goldfish with a recent traumatic brain injury.
funeralxempire
Veteran
Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 39
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 25,575
Location: Right over your left shoulder
23 May 2020, 7:27 pm
XFilesGeek wrote:
Whatever.
I'm the talking trash pile from the Fraggles.
I'd totally date men here, but I'm asexual, and these dudes deserve better than some tall chick who forgets to shave, showers every two weeks, and doesn't usually apply deodorant.
Keep on keeping on.
I'm the talking trash pile from the Fraggles.
I'd totally date men here, but I'm asexual, and these dudes deserve better than some tall chick who forgets to shave, showers every two weeks, and doesn't usually apply deodorant.
Keep on keeping on.
Depends, if they're borderline asexual with similar hygiene standards it might be a match made umm... on some sort of incorrect massive, orbiting spheroid body?
Note my wording isn't intended to imply any judgment, I don't want to admit to how many months passed after I found about about Tsioniyeh.
23 May 2020, 9:02 pm
24 May 2020, 2:13 am
hurtloam wrote:
Hollywood_Guy wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
dragonsanddemons wrote:
but I really don’t think there’s such a huge disparity between men and women who aren’t attractive trying to get a deeper relationship as seems to be implied (or in some places, outright stated) by this thread.
There are some disparities that are worth mentioning. The first is that societal expectations is for the male to approach the woman. So in the bar/coffee shop example an unattractive woman merely has sit by herself and will still be approached by men. She does not have to make an effort and she gets to choose if she wants to interact.
An unattractive man has to overcome social anxiety and the prospect of rejection in approaching any woman.
The second relates to mental health. Research suggests that men do worse physically and mentally living single, whereas women who have friends do better alone. This means most single women aren't as desperate for a "deep" relationship with a male as much as their male counterpart.
I realise you are correct that the margin of difference become less important as women become "more unattractive" and it doesn't invalidate their own struggles in finding a soulmate/true love.
That last part. I see many times that men that want to talk about or vent on how they are struggling in dating, both women and other men assume that he is invalidating the other gender's experience. Which is not true and is not fair to judge.
I think the point of making a note of how women have struggles too is to help men realise they're not alone. Also that they don't have to feel resentful of women having it "easy", because we don't. There's nothing to feel bitter about.
Let the bitterness go and move on.
I'm still working on that myself.
I second this.
funeralxempire
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Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 39
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 25,575
Location: Right over your left shoulder
24 May 2020, 2:16 am
24 May 2020, 4:49 am
funeralxempire wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
They tell you that because they think you’re marriageable.
Aunts always tell their sons/daughters "when are you getting married"
I thought your parents are supposed to ask your aunts sons and daughters.
Yeah that too...although my uncles/aunts just thought I was an alcoholic who got into fights who scared women. Imagine their surprise when I got married
Actually, come to think of it, mum and dad were surprised
RetroGamer87
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Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,970
Location: Adelaide, Australia
24 May 2020, 6:08 am
24 May 2020, 6:19 am
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