6th graders forced to dance when others ask

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18 Mar 2020, 2:00 am

This school's policy does not allow kids to decline when others ask them to dance

https://www.today.com/parents/sixth-gra ... ce-t174793

School Policy Forbids Kids From Saying "No" When Asked To Dance

Quote:

Alicia Hobson’s 11-year-old daughter, Azlyn, was counting down the days until the Valentine’s Day dance at her Utah middle school.

“She was so excited she could barely sleep,” Hobson told TODAY Parents, noting that the sixth grader picked out her outfit a week ahead of time.

"It was supposed to be the best day ever," Hobson, 37, said.

But it wasn't.

That afternoon, when Azlyn got home, she had an "emotional explosion" in the kitchen, while recounting how a boy who makes her uncomfortable had asked her to dance.

“She politely said, ‘No thank you,’” Hobson revealed. The problem? At Rich Middle School in Laketown, Utah, it's against the rules to say "no," and principal Kip Motta allegedly intervened when he heard Azlyn decline the invitation at the dance.

“He said something like, ‘No, no. You kids go out and dance,’” Hobson revealed. “He basically shooed Azlyn and the boy off onto the dance floor.”

Azlyn told her mother she “hated every minute” and was “so relieved” when the song finally ended.

Motta and Rich School District Superintendent Dale Lamborn did not immediately respond to emails seeking comment. But Motta stood by the school’s policy in a letter to Hobson.

“We do ask all students to dance. It is the nice thing to do and this will continue to be our policy,” Motta wrote on Feb. 15. “There have been similar situations in the past where some students have felt uncomfortable with others, and, as stated prior, the issues were discreetly handled. This allowed all students to feel welcome, comfortable, safe, and included.”

Motta added that Hobson always has the option to check Azlyn out of school during dances, which are held in the daytime.

Hobson isn't satisfied with Motta's response — she wants the policy revised and will go to the Utah Board of Education if it isn't.

“Girls HAVE to learn that they have the right to say no and that those around them have to respect that,” Hobson wrote on Facebook. “I’m not going to quietly stand by while my daughter and all of her classmates are being wrapped up in rape culture. No way.”

Dr. Rebecca Schrag Hershberg, a New York City-based clinical psychologist, agrees with Hobson and believes the rule is "dangerous."

"Policies like this one not only overlook, but completely fly in the face of, what we need to be teaching young children — of all gender identities — about the importance of consent," Schrag Hershberg told TODAY Parents. "Essentially, it is saying that a child needs to say 'yes' no matter how they feel, as a blanket rule. I don't think it's a stretch to say that such a message is very much in alignment with rape culture and, therefore, very dangerous if perpetuated."

Kanesville Elementary School in West Haven, Utah, changed its policy saying kids must accept dance requests after a parent complained in 2018.

I think the school is worried about kids getting upset about being rejected but being rejected is a major fact of life that people need to get used to. I would much rather get rejected than be forced to dance with someone I don't like. I had zero romantic interest in girls when I was that age & I never had an interest in dancing or other things related to school dances. Besides kids shouldn't be forced to do something as intimate as dancing with others they're uncomfortable with.

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shortfatbalduglyman
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18 Mar 2020, 4:01 am

If this allegedly occurred recently, then maybe they did not :evil: social distance and quarantine :heart:

closerlife
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18 Mar 2020, 7:30 am

Interesting, never have something like this

shortfatbalduglyman
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18 Mar 2020, 7:54 am

The policy of rejecting dance invitation could be good for autistics.

How about, you can't refuse a date or marriage proposal

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18 Mar 2020, 8:19 am

I can see where being forced to socialize with others could lead to calling people "selfish" or "stuck up" simply because they do not want to be touched, groped, or sexually assaulted.

Since when is one person's "right" to not feel rejected a higher priority than another person's right to be left alone?

Personally, I would rather be rejected and be done with it than to be forced to dance with someone who steps on my feet, pinches me, scratches me, and whispers insults to me while we're dancing, just to satisfy some politically-correct social-justice warrior in the school's administration.

BenderRodriguez
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18 Mar 2020, 9:03 am

You're right, Nick, since rejection is an unavoidable part of life, it's much better to teach them how to deal with it instead of avoiding it.

Fnord is also spot on, of course.

This principle knows nothing about children - forcing them to play (or in this case dance) with others will only increase their resentment. His so-called good intentions are bad for kids on both side of the issue :roll:

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Fnord
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18 Mar 2020, 9:23 am

BenderRodriguez wrote:

This principle knows nothing about children - forcing them to play (or in this case dance) with others will only increase their resentment. His so-called good intentions are bad for kids on both side of the issue.

He should be forced to marathon-dance with his mother-in-law.

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18 Mar 2020, 1:35 pm

This isn't love and dating, it's news. There's nothing loving about rape.

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graceksjp
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18 Mar 2020, 2:30 pm

Im not that surprised really. I experienced stuff like that all the time growing up.
Like for example: partner work at school (especially in gym class- sometimes its reallllly uncomfortable when you're forced together), dances like the one above (and other instances of dance circles/practices. monitored dance stuff was a lot of 'adults shoving you out onto the floor with someone bc they think u like "cute" together'), and of course- <shudders> cotillion (aka the worst thing ever)
Plus like actual dance class, altho i guess that doesnt count as much. still, almost having to have your first kiss with a random ass boy bc ur dance teacher wanted a "big finish" is all kinds of awkward.

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Krogoth
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27 Mar 2020, 8:12 am

Thank you for the thread, interesting one

Last edited by B19 on 27 Mar 2020, 5:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.: spammer trying to worm his way into threads

Fnord
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27 Mar 2020, 8:28 am

Krogoth wrote:

Thank you for the thread, interesting one

Thank you for your contribution. Please elaborate.

nick007
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01 Apr 2020, 1:50 pm

BenderRodriguez wrote:

Exactly. Either way kids will be upset. Upset if they get rejected or upset for being forced to dance so it's much better to upset some by preparing them for the real world by letting them set their own boundaries & getting rejected.

AnonymousAnonymous
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02 Apr 2020, 1:48 pm

modernmax wrote:

This isn't love and dating, it's news. There's nothing loving about rape.

Not only that, but also abuse of authority given where this happened. This principal should IMO, be put on administrative leave although IMO, putting him on administrative leave would not be much other than an understatement.

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06 Apr 2020, 8:44 pm

I think it's very wrong to force kids to dance with people that they feel uncomfortable around.

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16 Apr 2020, 1:19 am

In a discussion about this article on Facebook a couple months back someone brought up the point that this is some serious rape culture s**t to start reaching 12 year old girls that they’re not allowed to say no.

I agree. Slippery slope.

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16 Apr 2020, 1:26 am

Rejection is part of life, that they should learn.

I have a better alternative solution to them: no dancing classes in schools.

It is a niche activity and in school environment it makes the awkward one prone to resentment, mocking and bullying; and few humans are natural in it anyway. So leave it out of school.

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