I'm in love with a Neurotypical...

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Hi, I’m very new here. So I apologize if anything here is irrelevant.

Almost a year ago, I met a NT (Neurotypical) boy at the new school I was going to. At the time, I was already in a relationship. However, I broke up with him as he was emotionally abusive. I won’t go into that, that’s not why I’m writing this.

After I broke up with him, the ex continued to harass me. This gem of a guy helped me through it. Listening to my ramblings, telling me he would scare my ex off, giving me something to laugh at, and a LOT of reassurance that I never deserved this abuse. He even continues to keep an eye on my Ex’s social media in case he writes something bad about me. If the ex does, he’ll let me know and will give me advice on how to go forward. Unfortunately, the ex keeps harassing me to this day.

At the same time, he’s been helping me to curb some of my impulsivity and give me advice and insights on socialization. He usually will ask me a lot of questions about my Asperger’s. He’s told me that I’m close to normal, but it’s up to me where I go. He’s also told me that he’s never met anyone loyal as me. My friends seem to think he likes me, as he usually smiles at me in the halls or when I walk in the classroom. One friend even pointed out that she figured there was something between us and that he treats me differently.

OK, here’s the juicier stuff, he definitely seems to trust me, as we used to hang out at school at a place he really liked (Pre-Covid of course). He’s opened up to me about things. Sorry, these are things he told me in confidence, so no details. We usually take nightly walks from class to the parking lot, he once had an umbrella over me, and on the last day of school, he spent like, the whole day with me. We split off twice and he came right back to the spot he found me. A couple of times I caught him staring, and I can recall a couple time where he was doing the good kind of stalking. I once tried to ask him to a party but he had work. And after the last time I saw him in person, he sent me a message asking if I was OK. Because he saw that I was sad and he knew how much I like school.

So, I’ve heard that Aspie girls tend to have a “Mother Hen” Friend who looks out for them and gives them advice on social situations. But…no one’s ever told me what to do if I fall in love with them.

I wouldn’t know flirting unless it’s obvious. (He did say I was cute one time.) Not to mention, Covid definitely changed the dating game. I feel like it’s staring me in the face that he likes me, and I might be second-guessing myself. But, I’m REALLY afraid of rejection and losing this person as a friend.

So, Essentially:
What am I supposed to do?
How do I express interest?
How do you know when an NT is flirting with you?
Thanks in advance.

Congratulations on the supportive relationship, and the love is exciting. I don't have answers to your questions since I wouldn't know either. That said, I have a successful relationship with an NT - he married me for my honesty (kin to loyalty). I married him for his calm (and flexibility).

In my case, he had to ask me out directly --- he had been calling my house to talk to my sister (his co-worker) and it was completely lost on me that he actually wanted to talk to me. One time after we'd talked briefly I said, "I'll go get my sister for you" and he answered "she's not there" and after he explained my sister's schedule to me, I asked "why did you call?" and he said "to talk to you..." OMG - so funny, and somehow it worked.

That said, it was I who asked him to marry me. Soooo there's a "hint" I had to give him.

Wishing you well as you manage this relationship. I'm near 30 years advanced of you (in age) and I think fondly of all my guy friends from those times... even my friends today... how we are all trying to get along in our imperfect ways. When it doesn't drive me bonkers, I am gently amused.

Welcome to WP.