Fitting In

Post Reply New Topic

Even in relationships, I never felt like I "fit in" with my partner. I've done so much dating and I've been married and it was the closest thing I had, but still I felt alienated in an indefinable way.

How do you manage to be close with people and feel like you fit with them? I don't even know how to ask this or describe it. I never feel lonely but I usually feel like I'm in an entirely different universe and I don't know how to land my spaceship.

I don't really want to be stuck in space forever.

I don’t “fit in,” either.

I’ve had many relationships, and have been married for quite a while.

I guess I would pay lip service to whatever is going on in a particular conversation. Join coworkers in lotteries and discussing certain TV shows. Stuff like that.

A great part of “fitting in” is mutual dependency with your friends. I don’t like mutual dependency. Maybe that’s why I don’t have too many friends.

I 1,000% relate to this sentiment of not "fitting" with partners nor friends.

I think most of us here can....

Mutual benefit > mutual dependency, no?

I also feel "emotionally detached," I am not autistic but have CPTSD and need much alone time. I do love people but I always seem to be in a separate energetic field, as if I am watching everyone else from a different dimension, aware of my separateness.My emotional attachment seems more superficial than others seem to have with each other. This has nothing to do with my depth of caring just my sense of belonging.

My therapist is treating me with SSP Integrated Listening Therapy which seems to be callibrating my emotional responses more efficiently. I have serious "fight or flight" issues since childhood abuse/neglect. He uses it with ASD clients very effectively (his words). I never would have imagined how I am now more in touch with my feelings and freeze much less in dialogue. If someone would shout at me or be verbally aggressive I would freeze, shut down. Now I can seem to be able to pull out an appropriate response (what I want to express at that moment) without fear. That helps with my feeling as though I am less of an "alien."

I bet you're always like "We're not in Kansas anymore" despite being always there.... how confusing.

You should get a pet and call it Toto.

Feeling separate from others, on the "wrong planet", alien, etc even from people you're close to is a part of autism. I've accepted it and focus on appreciating those close to me for who they are as best I can. I've accepted that I will have the feeling of disconnect from them, but at the same time I know that there are certain times where I'll share connections with them. They happen sometimes and they're special even if they don't happen as often as I'd wish for.