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NatureLoverNT
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10 Aug 2020, 3:52 pm

Hi! I'm brand new here; I have lurked occasionally.
I'm an NT girl. :)
I know a guy who was diagnosed with Aspergers as a child.
I think he likes me, he always talks to me and asks how I am. He smiles at me A LOT, too. And once he gave me a flower when we were all walking with our friends.
The trouble is I don't know if I like him back enough.
I think he wants to ask me to date him, but I'm not sure.
He's extremely good with music, and a really deep thinker. He's the 'fun uncle' with his niece and nephew. He's great with babies even!
He talks a lot, and I enjoy talking with him.
For some reason I feel nervous around him ever since he gave me the flower.
I know that probably sounds silly!
I like him a LOT as a friend. I can't understand myself. I'm not sure how I feel about dating him, but I don't know why.
Can anyone give some advice?
I would hate to hurt him either way!



Fnord
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10 Aug 2020, 4:36 pm

Only YOU can tell what your feelings really are, and if your feelings are strong enough to enter into a relationship.  But if you have any doubt, don't; it is better to bruise his heart a little now than to completely shatter it later.


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Wolfram87
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10 Aug 2020, 4:45 pm

Step 1: become sure.

Step 2: sit down with him, one on one, and clear the air.

Step 3: accept the outcome.

Step 4: there is no step 4.


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kraftiekortie
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10 Aug 2020, 4:47 pm

Do you feel a physical desire for him?

If not, I would just remain friends with him.



eyelessshiver
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10 Aug 2020, 5:12 pm

It can be hard to really know in the grand scheme. Even if you have physical desire (which is obviously important) in addition to these other feelings, the relationship could go south in a month, a year...(or five, or ten). And how it will turn out is sometimes hard to gauge early on...but generally, the less doubt about your feelings for one another, the better. I've had not that much dating experience, but I can say that of the three people I've been with, I fell in love with all of them...one relationship lasted 2 years, the next 5 years, and the next became a marriage (together now 3 years, and I think this one will last). But yes, I would first figure out if you have the physical part...and if you do, then try to move forward (because it sounds like the other ingredients are there).


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NatureLoverNT
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10 Aug 2020, 5:37 pm

Thank you ALL so much for your advice.

Yes! I truly think that I like him enough.

I just wanted to be REALLY sure before I let it go any further, and you all have helped me. :)

Actually I was pretty sure before, but recently someone close to me wondered if he was right for me. Then I felt confused. But ultimately, I get to choose, not them. And I have decided to choose yes! :D :heart:



kraftiekortie
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10 Aug 2020, 6:25 pm

Good luck! :)



jimmy m
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10 Aug 2020, 6:36 pm

This is a list of some of the Positive Aspie Traits

* They are usually loyal and dependable. Competing to get ahead is less important than solving problems and meeting challenges. Conscientiousness, faithfulness and devotion to duty matter more than ambition, especially if that ambition would cause others to suffer.
* Adults with Aspergers pursue ideas they believe in without being deterred by what others say. They are not easily swayed by others’ opinions, nor do they give up because someone tries to convince them otherwise.
* They are good at recognizing patterns and in classifying things. They are comfortable with order, precision and categorization, which make them successful in following rules, allocating resources and solving problems.
* They tend to be sincere, positive and genuine, which make them loyal and dependable friends. * Speaking their minds regardless of the social context is true of many adults with Aspergers. They are much more interested in someone’s skills and expertise than whether that person is viewed favorably by others.
* Adults with Aspergers are especially good at noting and recalling details. They are helpful at work that requires knowledge of facts, details, and memory. They are often exceptional at the recall of details forgotten or disregarded by others. They have a passion for gathering and cataloging information on a topic of interest.
* An acute sensitivity to specific sensory experiences and stimuli, including touch, vision, and smell is common and having such unusual sensory experiences gives them a different perspective on the world.
* Adults with Aspergers tend to be trusting of others, even charmingly naïve. They are compassionate and caring, and many maintain the belief in the possibility of positive relationships.
* They are often direct, speak their mind and are honest. Many have a strong sense of social justice.
* Because they don’t mind being alone, they are often willing to engage in solitary work that others avoid, which puts them in the position of making tremendous contributions at work and school.
* They are able to comprehend multiple levels of meanings of words and ideas and can form connections that others miss.
* They are persistent, and when they set their minds to something or make a promise they can usually be trusted to follow through.
* A relationship with someone who has Aspergers tends to be free from bias and discrimination based on race, gender, age or other differences. They judge people based on their behavior not the color of their skin, socioeconomic status or political influence.
* They are not inclined to be bullies, con artists or social manipulators.

So I would suggest that you be direct. In general Aspies do not understand the use of gestures or sarcasm. When you engage in conversations with him say what you mean and mean what you say. Written communications are better than oral communications.


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Minuteman
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10 Aug 2020, 10:36 pm

Guys on the spectrum are usually very awkward when it comes to knowing what to say to a girl they like (God knows I was). I may be in the minority here, but I say take charge and ask him out. You'll take a lot of the guesswork out for him -- and if he's like me, he'll appreciate it.



SharonB
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10 Aug 2020, 10:56 pm

NatureLoverNT wrote:
Yes! I truly think that I like him enough.

I just wanted to be REALLY sure before I let it go any further, and you all have helped me. :)

Actually I was pretty sure before, but recently someone close to me wondered if he was right for me. Then I felt confused. But ultimately, I get to choose, not them. And I have decided to choose yes! :D :heart:

Yea!! Congrats on your new "very much in like" (or budding love).

I hear ya. For many years I doubted my relationship. Before we got married, I marched us into a marriage counselor's and asked "should be marry?" The counselor paused thoughtfully and responded slowly "you are very different, it will be challenging---" I don't know what he said after that, but clearly it must have been: and rewarding! (actually I think it was something much more mundane) ;) It has been... all three (challenging, mundane, rewarding). I'm the AS, my husband is the NT. He loves nature also.

Wishing you well in this new adventure!



that1weirdgrrrl
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Yesterday, 12:38 am

I hope you guys share many fond times together :heart:



quite an extreme
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Yesterday, 1:26 am

He seems to like you. Either you are liking him as well and strong enough that you wan't to get more in touch or let it be. There should be no pressure - it's your life. A relationship without strong feeling towards each other from the beginning doesn't goes really well. For this become sure regarding your feelings towards him.


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Citymale
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Yesterday, 2:51 am

NatureLoverNT wrote:
Hi! I'm brand new here; I have lurked occasionally.
I'm an NT girl. :)
I know a guy who was diagnosed with Aspergers as a child.
I think he likes me, he always talks to me and asks how I am. He smiles at me A LOT, too. And once he gave me a flower when we were all walking with our friends.
The trouble is I don't know if I like him back enough.
I think he wants to ask me to date him, but I'm not sure.
He's extremely good with music, and a really deep thinker. He's the 'fun uncle' with his niece and nephew. He's great with babies even!
He talks a lot, and I enjoy talking with him.
For some reason I feel nervous around him ever since he gave me the flower.
I know that probably sounds silly!
I like him a LOT as a friend. I can't understand myself. I'm not sure how I feel about dating him, but I don't know why.
Can anyone give some advice?
I would hate to hurt him either way!


I know a guy who I thought was a decent guy, but he gave a secret admirer gift to a girl and that scared her. And her getting scared, that scared him back. Girls don’t generally like gifts or flowers when they come off as too serious or presented without explanation.

It’s not fun to be friends with someone who wants you to date them.



Pepe
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Yesterday, 2:58 am

Fnord wrote:
Only YOU can tell what your feelings really are, and if your feelings are strong enough to enter into a relationship.  But if you have any doubt, don't; it is better to bruise his heart a little now than to completely shatter it later.


Total rubbish. :P

*I* know what the OP needs to hear and think.
*I* know what is best for her and her friend.
*I* am in control.
*I* am cupid's apprentice and will handle this.

Step aside, amateur. 8)


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Pepe
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Yesterday, 3:07 am

NatureLoverNT wrote:
Thank you ALL so much for your advice.

Yes! I truly think that I like him enough.

I just wanted to be REALLY sure before I let it go any further, and you all have helped me. :)

Actually I was pretty sure before, but recently someone close to me wondered if he was right for me. Then I felt confused. But ultimately, I get to choose, not them. And I have decided to choose yes! :D :heart:


Glad to hear it.
There are no guarantees in life.
Don't miss a possible opportunity, but also maintain some perspective.
Keep your relationship on probation until you get to know each other better.

Best of luck. ;)


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Brehus
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Yesterday, 7:08 pm

As a NT guy who is married to AS girl and has some AS guy friends People with AS have a tendency to be very loyal and dedicated as described and always be there for you but I recomend just getting to know the person exceptionally well first check out how they live some of them have some really annoying traits that take a lot patients to deal with for a example the AS person in my life for some reason struggles to put trash in a trash bag she manages to put two pieces of trash in the bag a day it mostly takes over a week to fill up a single trash bag and she makes trash faster then she force herself to throw it way so I have to go behind her and throw away stuff or it will pile up. she will several times a week get so caught up on an obsession she forget I exist I actually like this trait because I dont like to be bothered.
She also suffers from bad case of sensory overload I can be on the phone on the other side of the house and it will wake her up while sleeping and has to come running to see who I am talking to my chair can sqeak and she will wake up and ask what is that noise .
I also had to learn how hard a push her when I trying to help her as she will have a melt down of I push her too hard.

The good traits that make it worth while she is pretty enough to be a model 5ft 5 100lbs extremely athletic material artist only girl I have even know with a six pack real good at softball. Never controlling let's me do whatever I want no questions asked never tries to tell me how to spend my check and I still consider her better then Most NT girls.

I highly recommend giving a AS person a chance just be observant is all and make sure the good out weighs any bad If any they have.
In my case I think the good out weights the bad.


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