Dating became my special interest

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Hey wrong planet residents (especially women),

Did anyone have dating/relationship as their special interest?

I took a break from dating for two years due to a massive burnout. During the burnout, I got a diagnosis for ASD. It started making sense to me why I was having so much trouble with relationships.

Recently, I felt better handling my emotions and breakdowns, and felt like I was at a good place to date again. I started going out on dates since May.

Today I had the scary realization that maybe dating has become my new special interest. I noticed I have spent a lot of time on Reddit reading about relationships and studying people’s behavior in dating makes me feel alive (the kind of “alive” feeling I only feel when engaging in a special interest)

Can someone please share their similar experience? I feel like it’s just too scary to have a special interest relating to human interaction, as real intimate emotions and special interests are two separate things. And it would probably make dating more confusing when these two areas are combined.

As I am writing this I feel slightly funny, it won’t change anything because as you guys know, it is impossible to change one’s special interest until it naturally wears off.

Anyways, please feel free to share advice/similar experiences! I’d so appreciate your input since I’m feeling extremely perplexed.

Have a good weekend!

One can develop many special interest during their lifetime. So picking "Dating" as a special interest makes sense. As an Aspie, we might pursue a more analytical approach than a romantic entanglement approach.

For example, one of the primary ways NTs communicate is with their eyes. Most NTs can identify a person as either friend or foe within a second, simply looking at their eyes and the regions around their eyes. Male Aspies tend to be deficit in this area. Eye contact plays an important almost critical role in romance.

When I was in college, I had a girl who took pity on me and showed me how to kiss. She was from South America and the girls there are much more adept in that area. She explained to me all the different types of kissing such as the simple kiss, the French kiss, the truly romantic kiss, the kiss that leaves a mark (Hickey Kiss), the kiss where you lock your jaws together, and we practiced each technique.

But the most important kiss of all was the truly romantic kiss. The secret is that it is all done with the eyes. First you need to be alone and remain perfectly quiet. You need to look deep within their eyes until you can see the shadow of their soul, then you slowly move your faces together without breaking eye contact. And then kiss the girl on her lips. She demonstrated the technique and I could see her point. I would have never known, not in a million years.

This South American lady must have thought you were worth the effort Jimmy. Good things can happen to good people. Lechaim!!

Jimmy, that’s a really great story and now I want to practice a romantic kiss!

I was taught to soul-kiss by a girl named Patricia.

She dragged me into the vestibule of an apartment building and “taught me by example.”

It became like learning how to ride a bike.

Same. I obsessively research dating, relationships, sex, and psychology

As a young adult, I dated a few girls and suffered from a broken heart several times. I guess you could say it was part of the learning curve. I was so distraught the last time, that I did what many Aspies do.

I sat down and made a list.

I made a list of everything I wanted in a mate, my future partner. It was a strange list, maybe even bizarre. But it was logical and analytical. I essentially removed romance and replaced it with Aspie logic.

Then I viewed my search very differently. I found someone who fit the list and that is who I married 46 years ago. I almost literally had to move the world to make this marriage happen. But that is not that hard to do when you possess a strong focus. I am very glad I took this approach.

Here is a secret, an Aspie secret.

I am an extreme introvert, many Aspie males are. But marriage is a blending of souls. Two people join together to form a more perfect whole. I married an extreme extrovert. It is a yin-yang marriage.



Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. In marriage a good balance combines the contributions of each member to form a partnership that is able to weather any storm. I have no social skills, but I do not need them. I rely on my wife completely in this area and utilize her expert guidance. In other areas I am very gifted. Together we raised a family and now our children are grown and have families of their own.

Yes, I've been in this situation! I thought I was the only one. Haha. I think you'll eventually move on to a new special interest, don't worry about it. (:

Thank you for sharing such a big part of your life with us, this is a beautiful story.

It's quite interesting how I have heard about the "list" several times and have made mine months ago- it's not perfect yet and I am refining it.

As a young adult, I dated a few girls and suffered from a broken heart several times. I guess you could say it was part of the learning curve. I was so distraught the last time, that I did what many Aspies do.

I sat down and made a list.

I made a list of everything I wanted in a mate, my future partner. It was a strange list, maybe even bizarre. But it was logical and analytical. I essentially removed romance and replaced it with Aspie logic.

Then I viewed my search very differently. I found someone who fit the list and that is who I married 46 years ago. I almost literally had to move the world to make this marriage happen. But that is not that hard to do when you possess a strong focus. I am very glad I took this approach.

Here is a secret, an Aspie secret.

I am an extreme introvert, many Aspie males are. But marriage is a blending of souls. Two people join together to form a more perfect whole. I married an extreme extrovert. It is a yin-yang marriage.



Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. In marriage a good balance combines the contributions of each member to form a partnership that is able to weather any storm. I have no social skills, but I do not need them. I rely on my wife completely in this area and utilize her expert guidance. In other areas I am very gifted. Together we raised a family and now our children are grown and have families of their own.

I confess to not liking to talk about “relationships” as such.

I’d rather just be in a loving relationship with a person without having to analyze all the time.