Men Want To Hurry Love

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rdos
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31 Aug 2020, 2:16 am

cyberdad wrote:

Focusing on one or two people who happen to be in local vicinity is like accepting your lot that that's all there is to choose from. This is patently not the case.

Well, my experience tells me that I can create a decent relationship with half of neurodiverse women, and so even if I only had two love interests, chances are big it would still work. The big issue instead is to find somebody that is compatible and lives nearby. I don't think online dating is much of a help with that. It's much better to develop a decent "ND radar" so you can find compatible women in real life.

cyberdad
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31 Aug 2020, 2:23 am

rdos wrote:

cyberdad wrote:

Focusing on one or two people who happen to be in local vicinity is like accepting your lot that that's all there is to choose from. This is patently not the case.

That's a level of confidence I rarely see. But for those here who are struggling with percentages need to diversify their target demographic.

rdos
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31 Aug 2020, 2:28 am

Pepe wrote:

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:

Because they want to get a better idea of whether or not you're worth their time. You can't really know for sure that you're compatible until you meet in person. A lot of people pretend to be someone they're not online, both in the catfishing sense and otherwise.

What's your aversion to meeting the guys you're talking to on dating sites?

I assumed it was getting to know someone better.
Aspies are better at communicating online, for a whole host of reasons, mate.

I've heard the "aspies communicate better online" or "aspies cannot handle nonverbal communication", but it is really only true when communicating with NTs. In the relationship area, it is actually the reverse. NTs can use phone calls or video calls to get the emotional content through, but this is NT type communication, and so doesn't help NDs. ND communication cannot be transfered with phone calls or video calls, and they are poor about talking about feelings, so they must meet in real life if emotional context should go through.

rdos
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31 Aug 2020, 2:40 am

cyberdad wrote:

rdos wrote:

cyberdad wrote:

Focusing on one or two people who happen to be in local vicinity is like accepting your lot that that's all there is to choose from. This is patently not the case.

That's a level of confidence I rarely see. But for those here who are struggling with percentages need to diversify their target demographic.

If I was completely blind to ND status, I'm sure I would be struggling with percentages too, but I never used dating as a method, and certainly not online dating. Not only can I detect if a woman is neurodiverse or not, I can also detect if she is interested with the eye contact game, which means I never had to struggle with getting rejected when asking out.

cyberdad
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31 Aug 2020, 2:55 am

rdos wrote:

Not only can I detect if a woman is neurodiverse or not, I can also detect if she is interested with the eye contact game, which means I never had to struggle with getting rejected when asking out.

Brother rdos you have to share your game with others on this forum not so lucky.

Pepe
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31 Aug 2020, 3:58 am

rdos wrote:

However, if we talk about real life, then I think this is a ND vs NT issue. NTs want to force things because their ideologiy is that the more people you date the better. This is generally not a preference for NDs, and that's not just because they have fewer oportunities.

"Practice makes perfect"?
Doesn't it? :scratch:

Pepe
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31 Aug 2020, 4:30 am

rdos wrote:

Pepe wrote:

alex wrote:

Kitty4670 wrote:

I met a guy a day before my birthday, August 25th. He already wants to meet me. Why men want to hurry in a relationship? I want to take my time, the relationship may last longer if you both go slowly.

What if you meet and realize you aren’t right for each other? Then you wasted all that time talking without meeting first.

I don't see it that way myself, though I am, admittedly rather odd.

The way I see it, even if the relationship doesn't work out, the journey in between can be enjoyable.
*Real* feeling can be felt.

Most things in life become stale and die.
One might at least enjoy some aspect of it before it withers.

Having said that, people need to put a deadline on something like a relationship, so if it doesn't work out, someone has time for a potential new victim, errr, I mean significant other, in their life. :mrgreen:

Yes, agreed. The courtship phase of a relationship is very enjoyable and so you don't want to spoil it by advancing too fast. Once people are talking and in a relationship they tend quit many things they do during courtship and things become boring. I think that if you use extended courtship (years) instead, it wil be a lot more enjoyable, and you might even decide you want to continue with the courtship stuff too since you are so used to it. Another important aspect is that attachment (bonding) in neurodiversity mostly happens during courtship, so if you go too quickly over that phase, you end up with a poor connection that easily breaks.

We are in sympatico.

Pepe
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31 Aug 2020, 4:32 am

rdos wrote:

cyberdad wrote:

Focusing on one or two people who happen to be in local vicinity is like accepting your lot that that's all there is to choose from. This is patently not the case.

Well, my experience tells me that I can create a decent relationship with half of neurodiverse women, and so even if I only had two love interests, chances are big it would still work. The big issue instead is to find somebody that is compatible and lives nearby. I don't think online dating is much of a help with that. It's much better to develop a decent "ND radar" so you can find compatible women in real life.

The coronavirus doesn't make that particularly easy.

The_Face_of_Boo
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