My Girlfriend And I Don't Talk Often.

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30 Aug 2020, 9:43 am

Hello, I'm new here as you can probably tell.
I've been looking for a place to talk about my current situation and ask for advice because I currently have no Idea how to solve it.
As you saw in the title, my girlfriend and I spend a lot of time in silence. This week and the week before we haven't talked at all. Whenever we would talk about this, she would always give the same response, "I'm too shy to start a conversation with you." or something along those lines. However, I have talked with a friend of hers and she's very active with them. With most of her friends in fact. We have been together for several months now, since the beginning of this year, therefore I don't understand why she would be shy with me while with her friends she's almost chaotic. We talk on discord and are in the same server so I clearly see her messaging her friend in the lobby even though we haven't said a thing to each other. I know it's supposed to be both of us putting the same amount of effort into this so, of course, I begin conversations as well. Despite that, Isn't it unfair on my side if i'm the only one talking? I mean, she does talk first sometimes but other than that I have to otherwise we just wont talk.

There are times where I don't know what to talk about so I don't say anything which results in complete silence. To me it just seems as if she is putting the minimal amount of effort into this relationship. I feel as though because I don't find her type of humour funny or that we don't have the same interests in some things that she turns to her friends instead and talks to them. She did once say that she got into an argument with one of her friends because they didn't talk about what she wanted to talk about, they are now not friends anymore. She seems to be the type who would talk more often with the people who are more excitable and with those similar interests as her.

The friend I talked about in the first paragraph also mentioned she went through the same sort of silence as their previous partner and she ended up leaving them so that is the only solution i have at the moment, but I would like to keep that as a last resort.
[Hope I didn't give TOO much information here.]

If anyone could offer a little bit of advice, It would be much appreciated.



that1weirdgrrrl
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30 Aug 2020, 2:35 pm

What drew you two to each other initially?

What do you like about each other?

What did you used to talk about when you first started hanging out?


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30 Aug 2020, 3:13 pm

that1weirdgrrrl wrote:
What drew you two to each other initially?

What do you like about each other?

What did you used to talk about when you first started hanging out?


What drew me to her was how caring she was to me, for her though she never exactly told me.

She told me that she likes how I've treated her nicely and that I'm very supportive. For me I love that she's really outgoing [despite being so shy to start conversations] and that she's very adorable.

We used to just talk about random stuff while we hung out on this game we still play. We also hung out with another friend of ours so we all talked a lot. Our conversations were about a variety of topics so it's quite hard to remember. However after a while those topics grew old and we began taking different interests. We have very little similar interests now that I think about it.



kraftiekortie
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30 Aug 2020, 3:14 pm

She seems to be somewhat in awe of you.



quite an extreme
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30 Aug 2020, 4:21 pm

You should care a little bit more about the topics you pick to talk about. Once those fit more her interests then she'll more likely chat with you and more often as well. Beside of this you may pick all topics that are totally fun to everybody and ask her more about her opinion about things while talking because this keeps the small talk alive. What she tries to talk about a little bit more are her areas of interest. If you are on the spectrum then you should care about eyecontact while talking. NT women are totally into that sharing of emotions and that reading each others mind that happens while they do this. :wink: It's sometimes more important to them then the things they are currently talking about. That's why they like to talk about a lot of very emotional stuff. I guess that they do this also for enjoying the emotions in each others face and eyes.

And welcome here at WP! :mrgreen:


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30 Aug 2020, 5:35 pm

quite an extreme wrote:
You should care a little bit more about the topics you pick to talk about. Once those fit more her interests then she'll more likely chat with you and more often as well. Beside of this you may pick all topics that are totally fun to everybody and ask her more about her opinion about things while talking because this keeps the small talk alive. What she tries to talk about a little bit more are her areas of interest. If you are on the spectrum then you should care about eyecontact while talking. NT women are totally into that sharing of emotions and that reading each others mind that happens while they do this. :wink: It's sometimes more important to them then the things they are currently talking about. That's why they like to talk about a lot of very emotional stuff. I guess that they do this also for enjoying the emotions in each others face and eyes.

And welcome here at WP! :mrgreen:


I see. I haven't thought of that, I'll try to do so.
Yes, eyecontact hasn't really been a problem. I'm completely comfortable having more eyecontact with her since we are so close, especially in those moments where she is sharing her emotion with me. It's almost natural to me but I didn't know it was so important.

And thank you! :D



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31 Aug 2020, 10:28 am

Silence is good. Nobody likes a motormouth while you’re making out. Just kiss her a lot. Your problem really isn’t.



that1weirdgrrrl
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31 Aug 2020, 7:27 pm

AngelRho wrote:
Just kiss her a lot. Your problem really isn’t.


:heart: :heart: :heart: :heart:

Also telling her what you like about her, admire about her, enjoy about her, etc... is a good way to bond and feel closer to one another


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01 Sep 2020, 1:33 am

that1weirdgrrrl wrote:
Also telling her what you like about her, admire about her, enjoy about her, etc...

Be carefully with that because not even few people do this to much. Nonverbal things like a warm hug or an emotional kiss which tell that you really like her count mostly more.


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