Love, crushes and infatuations

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Pepe
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03 Sep 2020, 4:06 am

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LOVE VS CRUSH AND INFATUATION...HERE'S THE DIFFERENCE


Quote:
Love VS Crush and Infatuation
Original Blog Post Link - https://www.charleneeckstein.com/blog...
I think many people often mistake crushes and infatuation with love. It's easy to see how the two are mistaken for love because the feelings are so intense, but there is a difference. A big difference in fact. In the movies, adorable couples infatuated with each other fall in love and live happily ever after, right? In real life things tend to be a little different.

Crushes and infatuation go hand in hand, and are very similar. Crush is defined as a brief but intense infatuation for someone, especially someone inappropriate or unattainable. Infatuation is defined as an intense but short lived passion or admiration for someone or something.
Unlike crushes and states of infatuation, love truly sees and accepts their object of affection. Love is an intense feeling of deep affection. Love is patient, love is understanding, and love is forgiving. Love desires a deep connection, while infatuation craves physical interactions.

Signs Of Crushes and Infatuation
Feelings Come on Fast
Infatuation hits with an out of this world intensity. You saw them and you knew you had to have them. Love at first sight, so to speak. The feelings didn't grow and develop over time, which is what happens with love, they were almost instantaneous.

Short Lived
Crushes come and go pretty quickly, usually in a matter of months. Love stays, whether the relationship works or not, the feelings are always there to some degree.
Sees Perfection
With crushes and infatuation it is more about the idea of the person, than the person themselves. Maybe you think you would look great together as a couple, or one or both of you have a certain status in the community or a high income. The mind creates and envisions the perfect life together, and the happily ever after with Prince Charming.

Crazy Or Irrational Behavior
Crushes can lead to stalking, intense jealously, and obsessive behavior. Sometimes the intense feelings of crushes can also cause risky behavior, and irrational thinking.

Based On Attraction
Crushes are often based strictly on physical attributes since you really don't know the "real" person, and there is nothing else to go on except what you created in your head. The infatuation begins because you find them beautiful or hot, and strongly desire the person. Usually the crush is someone whom is out of reach for you.

Signs Of Love
Feelings Last
With love, feelings may not last forever, but they do last a while, whether you stay in a relationship or not. Love does not go away after a couple of months, or because you realize they are flawed or look a hot mess in the morning.

Accepts Them, Flaws And All
When we truly love someone, we see their flaws, and we accept them. Maybe he's a little short, or she's a little chubby, but if you are in love you don't care.

Open and Honest
Love is willing to go deep. Love is open and honest. Love wants to share their hope, dreams, and fears, and hear about yours.

Only Eyes For Them
Love only has eyes for you. If the eyes wander, then you are not in love. Love isn't blind to other's beauty, but love's eyes follow their heart.

Their Happiness Is Important
We are willing to sacrifice for those we love and put their wants and needs before our own. Love is willing to be inconvenienced, bored, and patient for the one who means the most.
Their Presence/Or Voice Brings You Comfort
Seeing their face, or hearing their voice can turn your whole day around, and instantly improve your mood. That's a true telltale of being in love
The initial feelings of crush and falling in love are very similar. The rush of euphoria happens in both cases. The butterflies, and the feelings of pure joy at the sight of them happens in both cases. But with love, there are thoughts of a future together, and realistic expectations of each other.
What are your thoughts on crushes and infatuation? Do you believe that infatuation can turn to love? Have you ever thought it was love only to realize it was just a crush? Please share!




rdos
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03 Sep 2020, 8:50 am

I think I need to disagree with almost everything in that text. Maybe it works like that for NTs, but it certainly doesn't work like that for me or many NDs.

First, infatuations or crushes doesn't need to be based on physical attraction, or to people that are out of reach. In fact, I would never get a crush like that, or at least will not allow it to develop. Instead, the pattern I see in crushes is "woman in front of man".

Second, infatuations don't need to be short. I've had a crush for three years.

Third, it's when NDs are infatuated that they primarily bond, and so if you follow the advice not to get infatuated, you will never get a strong bond. For NTs, it works because they bond with sex, and so they don't need to be infatuated to bond.

Forth, without a "distance thing" (infatuation without verbal contact), NDs will not develop mind-to-mind connections, and without those, the quality of a relationship will be much lower. In short, an infatuation will keep things non-verbal and at a distance long enough to build a mind-to-mind connection.

I also object to their definition of love. They should replace "love" with "attachment", and then it would be more reasonable.



auntblabby
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03 Sep 2020, 9:16 am

is limerence between love and crush?



kraftiekortie
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03 Sep 2020, 9:27 am

Limerence, to me, is when you think about a certain person all day....but it's a pleasant feeling about that person, and not quite in the "obsessive" realm.

It's a "longing"----but not something that you have to take aggressive action on.

It's more a romantic than an erotic feeling.



auntblabby
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03 Sep 2020, 9:28 am

^^^thank you :) i'd heard of limerence before but not seen too many examples depicted.



kraftiekortie
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03 Sep 2020, 9:33 am

If you've ever seen the "Little Rascals": Jack, the little kid, having a crush on his teacher, Miss Crabtree. It's sort of a limerence sort of thing veering towards obsession.

There's lots of "sighs"---which is a characteristic of limerence. But there's also the fact that Jack would seek to do anything to prevent Miss Crabtree from getting married.



auntblabby
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03 Sep 2020, 9:37 am

ah, so it is like "if i can't have her then i don't want anybody else to either!"



kraftiekortie
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03 Sep 2020, 9:41 am

Limerence is not quite that....but sort of close.

Limerence is a more tolerant and pleasant sort of "obsession." Jackie of the Little Rascals could have taken it too far if it was allowed.

It's more thought than action-oriented. There's a lot of musing over a person, rather than making enemies with others who like that person.



auntblabby
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04 Sep 2020, 1:21 am

ah so. :) i don't remember the last time i had anything like those three things. i'm old. :bigsmurf:



Pepe
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04 Sep 2020, 1:26 am

auntblabby wrote:
ah so. :) i don't remember the last time i had anything like those three things. i'm old. :bigsmurf:


I have never been in "Limerence".
For me, there needs to be a rational element in the relationship and it has to be reciprocal.



rdos
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04 Sep 2020, 1:30 am

I think Limerence has many commonalities to how NDs naturally handle relationships.



Carpeta
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04 Sep 2020, 7:31 am

I don't think these definitions are correct. They certainly don't sound like what I've experienced.


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Pepe
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04 Sep 2020, 7:33 am

Carpeta wrote:
I don't think these definitions are correct. They certainly don't sound like what I've experienced.


Can you expand on that?



kraftiekortie
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05 Sep 2020, 12:36 am

People experience limerence differently.

What applies for one doesn’t apply for the other.



Kitty4670
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05 Sep 2020, 7:46 pm

I had a two year crush in high school.



Pepe
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06 Sep 2020, 2:32 am

I believe "Love at first sight" is "Limerence" in action.
What else could it be? 8)