Very deep thoughts on why I am how I am today

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Recently, there was yet another girl who didn’t show any interest in me, even though there’s no indication that she has a boyfriend. Knowing that it appears to be easier for guys who played sports in high school to get girls, or if you’re my age, are at the very least pursuing a degree and have a plan for life, I have started to think more about my past and that even though I have matured drastically, there are still some things about how I was back then that have shaped how I am now.

I started playing organized baseball when I was almost 7. Then a couple years later, I got into football and basketball. 2010 was the first year in which I played baseball with players pitching(before that the coaches pitched)and it was not pretty. Sometimes when something didn’t go well I would behave poorly. I know of one particular video that I think my dad still has to this day of me stomping my feet after striking out(which I did a lot that year). There were quite a few other things that happened in baseball, football and basketball between 2009 and 2011. In 2011 my dad was recording another at bat of mine in which I looked back at the umpire in disgust over a strike 3 call.

5th grade was the first and only year in which I played tackle football. I was technically a “wide receiver” but they hardly ever ran any plays for me. This showed that somehow, everyone else on the team was better than me and therefore I stopped playing. I continued playing the other two sports for the next 4 years but even then there was a bunch of crap that happened that suggested that a lot of my peers were better than me despite my ambitions. I still can’t exactly figure out why that was. Maybe those other guys were taught to train more? I have other thoughts and theories, I just can’t really put them all into words.

I decided not to sign up for basketball in my freshman year and I stopped playing baseball after 9th grade because I had a really bad experience.

I feel like that maybe there’s a correlation between my behavioral problems and why I wasn’t very good at sports, and that everything that has happened has led to why I have trouble finding a girlfriend. When I think about it has much as I have, it feels really sad that I have aspergers. Now I gotta find a way right the ship for the future. Not that I know how to do that.

The way to “right the ship” is to not let the past impact the present and future.

I went through almost identical things with sports that you did.

Even if you decide against getting a full blown college education, auditing just one class at a community college / junior college / two year college will put you near women who are close to your age (should be around a lot of 18-20 year olds, with outliers around 16-17 or 21-22).

Most women (and men) that young are in unstable relationships. Meaning even if a cute 19 year old girl in your class had a boyfriend, it likely won't last very long and she'll start looking for someone else to date.

Once you are past 25 or so, it gets more difficult (but not impossible) to meet people your own age, because as far as I can tell, college and university are the last universal "grouped by age" activities that the majority of people participate in.

A lot of people in college also feel pressured to find a life mate before they graduate (maybe less so in junior college and more so in university), so they are on the hunt.

(This was my experience 20 years ago anyway)

Edit: FWIW I've also noticed that a lot of breakups happen right around Valentines Day, especially with the college crowd, and also around winter holidays (Christmas and Thanksgiving). So those might be good times to be getting to know more platonic female friends (not to be creepy, but you can usually pick up on if there's tension with the BF around those times)

This is sounding a lot like my experience. I quit all sports by high school. I would try to disconnect from those past experiences TBH like Kraftie said. I tried to fit in conventionally so hard for the longest time with no luck. Part of “righting the ship” for me was letting go.

Or maybe they were just more socially connected. Some coaches seem to be in the habit of discriminating against kids that don't fit in/aren't friends with their son (also on team). [biasedopinion]Many coaches were probably bullies back when they were in school[/biasedopinion]

1. That’s what I was thinking. I just don’t know what classes I would want to sign up for yet.

2. Some people my age are in relationships that have lasted for years and/or will probably last for years. That hypothetical 19 year old girl would probably go on to marry and have kids with the guy she’s currently with, based on the way things go for me. It’s certainly not like middle school anymore for me.

3. I don’t really understand the whole “after you’re 25 it’ll be harder to find someone” thing. People get married at different ages. People of different ages are on dating sites. Based on your logic, there was very little chance my mom would’ve ever met my stepdad, or my dad meeting his girlfriend.

Why didn't anyone tell me this when I was that age?


Yes. I found it almost impossible. (I was asked out once or twice but I said no because I was scared to date as at the age of 16 I went to date a girl and upset her badly as I went to go on a first date that never happened due to my faceblindness. For something like 45 minutes I was looking round her to try to find her as I did not realize that it was actually her! So I refused to date anyone else incase I upset another young lady...
Believe it or not, my first date was when I was in my mid 30's when a young lady convinced me that I was worth dating and as she knew me she said she would make sure I did not mess up. [/quote]



Is that the same with older ladies too?

Sorry for diverting this thread.

It's hard for me to tell if this trend also affects older women to the same degree as teen/young women.

While in college, I had many opportunities to observe girls getting angry at their boyfriends for not wanting to meet their parents over the holidays or for not making extravagant enough plans for Valentines day.

Girls often fought with their boyfriends publicly around the campus; it was hard to miss....

As a middle aged adult in the work force, I don't see the same public displays of emotion, no. But if the women at work / on the bus aren't happy, they probably hide it better than young girls do (at least publicly).



I meant organically. Yes, online dating can match same aged people. online dating was not a thing 20 years ago (or it was not super big back then?). So online dating does make it easier to find people your own age, regardless of your age.

I'm not sure how or when your step parents found each other, so I can't comment.

They were between ages 35 and 45. Don’t wanna say their exact age because of the impoliteness of asking/talking about an adults age.

Funny thing, the head coaches son was the QB on that tackle football team I was on. Although it's true that I wasn't really friends with anybody, I don't think that's THE reason why I was literally pushed to the side(meaning I was a WR on a team that hardly passed the ball). During the first game, a couple of plays were ran for me and I didn't catch either ball. And I think they did that a few times in practice as well. They didn't run any plays for me in-game for me anymore.

Besides that, another reason why I stopped playing football was because it really irked me that we were having practices 5 times a week;Monday-Thursday nights and then on Saturday mornings. I liked sports, but I didn't like it THAT much. And now that I think about it, since I wasn't friends with any of my teammates at the time, I couldn't do any training with anybody. No one in my ear saying "hey man, we want you to play next year. I want to help you get better". When I had moved to a different school district, well, idk, maybe I could've signed up for football with a clean slate. But mentally, I couldn't bring myself to do it at the time. I did sign up for basketball, however even though that meant that I would have practices 5 times a week. They had an A team-B team-C team system. Despite my ambitions, I was put on C team both of those years. I actually found out in 7th grade that a lot of the basketball players played in this other league and I did try to talk to a friend about wanting to get into it. I don't remember everything. Either it was a private league or I just lost interest. Either way, that never materialized.

After 8th grade I had moved to yet another school district for reasons I don't wanna talk about, only to day that I heavily regret it. I was going to play basketball my freshman year but I found out that practices would start at 5:30 in the morning. No, that is not a spelling error. Even during the thanksgiving break! And looking back, I probably would've gotten exposed by much better players. Which what happened when I played baseball for the last time the following spring/summer. I had a baseball coach who didn't liked the way I swung and pretty much made me change it. It was a way that worked in the leagues I had played in before, but not when they're throwing much faster. I still hate that guy for it because it messed things up for me and I struck out like 80% of my at bats. Also, you can't just change your swing instantly. It takes some time to develop a new swing. At least with the type that he was making me do.

Regarding the previous years I had played baseball, I think that a lot of my classmates were in a different league than I was which better prepared them for HS ball. I don't know why I wasn't told of it.

Along with the bad experience the last year I played baseball, I had decided that getting a job and making $ was more important than sports. So bagging groceries was my out of school thing after that. Although, I'm sure there were some kids my age who had had a job, played sports, did a bunch of HW at home and got good grades all at once. All I did was work and get passing grades, but more like in the 60%-80% range.

I am almost crying thinking about all those things that had happened because of the naive and delusional mentality I had for a long time and the behavioral problems I had in my earlier years, especially between the ages of 9-12. Idk how I'm gonna be able to right the ship for the next 10 years of my life and beyond.

Perhaps I had behavioral problems before age 9 as well. I remember one instance in 2nd grade where I was playing a board game with a few people, and this girl made me go last. I asked her why and she said "because". That same girl ended up being the first girl I tried to get to be my girlfriend in 6th grade. She wasn't interested of course, 'cause I was crazy.

I was probably one of the few kids who were ever thrown out of Little League merely for sucking at baseball. I was THAT bad . I never threw a tantrum during my one month in Little League at age 9

I was a fat, roly-poly kid. I should have went out for Pop Warner football instead.....

You sound like you were actually decent at sports....but the athletic bureaucracy screwed with you.

Wow.
I now see a calculating side to you I haven't seen before.

The brain fully develops around 25.
Many people younger than that don't know who they are or what they want out of life, so drifting apart wouldn't be surprising.

Also, many young people want to experience different relationships for the, errr, experience, which they "should" do, imo.

The weird one made perfect sense, to me.

There's probably a combination of factors like you've stated about the sports stuff. I remember there were 'private' leagues and I think other boys were pushed harder on the sports front. Small towns are cliquing, moved to one for 1-12 grades. Outsider from the start. My dominant hand also (ironically) has a poor grip due to a slightly deformed bone so I'm sure that was a contributing factor. My thumb can't close fully.

I think there are very few, if any, that do all three. Usually just one or two out of three and those that succeed at all three probably live miserable highly regimented lives and are under constant pressure from their parents. I started working at 14 as (you guessed it) a grocery store bagger. They also scheduled me for early morning 'truck' three days a week. 6:30-7:30 am. Meh should have quit that stupid job in hindsight, focused entirely on school. Not coincidence, but I hate that grocery chain now. They have a smaller selection than the other major Iowa chain anyways. And that's enough of Feyokien hating on his surroundings.



Identifying issues from your past is good, but I wouldn't fixate on them endlessly. What you did as a child has no bearing on your future (not talking about in society/job sense, but how you view yourself).

If this sounds like a pep talk, its because it is. I tell myself these kinds of things everyday to keep myself on the path. You can 'redefine' yourself now on your own terms.

that1weirdgrrrl gives some good advice. Connecting with someone at college requires more than proximity though (just expanding on thoughts). Pretty much need some kind of social connection or connect through some kind of dating app. I thought I might meet someone through my program (I did not). That was a (good) mistake in my case because I met my now wife outside of school.

I feel like you should, at least, give community college a try.

Or perhaps get a certificate in being a X-ray technician or something like that.