03 Oct 2020, 5:34 pm
03 Oct 2020, 5:39 pm
funeralxempire
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03 Oct 2020, 7:20 pm
naturalplastic wrote:
Sometimes my mind helps out by just spontaneously fixating on a celebrity as a harmless stand in for my real life crush. I just spontaneously transfer my obsession to the celeb. Like methadone treatment for heroin addiction. That until I can find another real life person... to obsess about.
The frustrating thing is when that doesn't work because celebrities aren't comparable to the object of one's attention. Imagine a fire that can simply suck the oxygen out of any competing fires. What if she's that fire?
FleaOfTheChill
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03 Oct 2020, 7:52 pm
03 Oct 2020, 11:05 pm
StewartMango wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
I try not to.
I still have crushes that seem to last forever.
I still have crushes that seem to last forever.
Ah...yes, I do too, one of my crushes lasted over 10+ years, even after not seeing or hearing from him for many years. For some reason, I always have to think about a guy, I never understood how people can not having feelings for anyone. I wish I was normal.
The good thing is you are aware that it is something you need to work on.
Have the police ever gotten involved?
03 Oct 2020, 11:09 pm
greenmm37 wrote:
A little bit, although I've never physically stalked someone. But I relate to the general concept of becoming fixated on an individual - I tend to check people's social media posts somewhat obsessively, which I have worried about (regarding my own behavior) in the past. I, like you, have never had a boyfriend...I went on what might have been called a 'date' in high school with a boy I was really uninterested in - I feel like I have to concede that, but I didn't want it to be a date, he did.
Anyway! Yes, I am curious about whether this is ASD-related or not...my issue is I develop crushes rarely and quite strongly when I do, so I become kind of obsessed, you could say, with who that person is, what they like, what they have to say about things, and whether they might like me back. I think I'm too afraid of the adverse reaction that could result from physically coming on too strong (i.e. stalking, flirting openly in person, etc) so I wouldn't do that...the distance of following online posts is nice but again, I worry about obsessive behavior coming from myself.
Anyway! Yes, I am curious about whether this is ASD-related or not...my issue is I develop crushes rarely and quite strongly when I do, so I become kind of obsessed, you could say, with who that person is, what they like, what they have to say about things, and whether they might like me back. I think I'm too afraid of the adverse reaction that could result from physically coming on too strong (i.e. stalking, flirting openly in person, etc) so I wouldn't do that...the distance of following online posts is nice but again, I worry about obsessive behavior coming from myself.
I enjoy flirting, but I pretty much flirt with "everyone", so I'm hoping people know that I'm not being serious, just playful.
naturalplastic wrote:
I am prone to getting hyperinterested in particular members of the opposite sex- individuals whom I cant have a relationship with for one of any number of reasons. In real life, and lately even online aquaintences. But it doesnt interfere with my life.
Sometimes my mind helps out by just spontaneously fixating on a celebrity as a harmless stand in for my real life crush. I just spontaneously transfer my obsession to the celeb. Like methadone treatment for heroin addiction. That until I can find another real life person... to obsess about.
Sometimes my mind helps out by just spontaneously fixating on a celebrity as a harmless stand in for my real life crush. I just spontaneously transfer my obsession to the celeb. Like methadone treatment for heroin addiction. That until I can find another real life person... to obsess about.
EEP!
Don't look at *me*, dude.
03 Oct 2020, 11:16 pm
03 Oct 2020, 11:20 pm
FleaOfTheChill
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04 Oct 2020, 7:01 am
Pepe wrote:
FleaOfTheChill wrote:
*raises hand*
I've been obsessed. I dont often like and be attracted to someone often, but when it happens it grabs me and won't let go. I've had the same thing, a crush on someone living on even years after the last time I saw them. I have no idea why I do this. I've never stalked anyone I've been obsessed with. I'm currently divorcing someone I used to be obsessed with though. Oddly enough, during this marriage, I have been obsessed with two different people at different points In time. The first happened well over ten years ago and lasted maybe two years? The next one started up maybe seven years ago and clung on for a good five years. As messed up as it sounds, sometimes I miss having those obsessions. It was a nice escape, to think on them.
I've been obsessed. I dont often like and be attracted to someone often, but when it happens it grabs me and won't let go. I've had the same thing, a crush on someone living on even years after the last time I saw them. I have no idea why I do this. I've never stalked anyone I've been obsessed with. I'm currently divorcing someone I used to be obsessed with though. Oddly enough, during this marriage, I have been obsessed with two different people at different points In time. The first happened well over ten years ago and lasted maybe two years? The next one started up maybe seven years ago and clung on for a good five years. As messed up as it sounds, sometimes I miss having those obsessions. It was a nice escape, to think on them.
Was there a sexual component to your crushes?
Yes? No?
There was with my ex, certainly. The relationship with one of the others was a typical casual acquaintance interaction with nothing physical beyond my attraction. With the other one, we had been friends years ago, and both were attracted to the other. Timing was off so nothing more came of that relationship. For the life of me though, I had a hard time getting him out of my head. I was very much obsessed. It wasn't so much wanting/imagining a sexual type relationship with him though, it was more me swooning over his near perfection. He really was an impressive person, a seriously cool guy who was a nice distraction for awhile there. Fortunately, I got past I told though. Despite his awesomeness, I know it's not healthy for me to obsess and I'm glad I stopped thinking about him all the time.
04 Oct 2020, 7:28 am
FleaOfTheChill wrote:
Quote:
Was there a sexual component to your crushes?
Yes? No?
There was with my ex, certainly. The relationship with one of the others was a typical casual acquaintance interaction with nothing physical beyond my attraction. With the other one, we had been friends years ago, and both were attracted to the other. Timing was off so nothing more came of that relationship. For the life of me though, I had a hard time getting him out of my head. I was very much obsessed. It wasn't so much wanting/imagining a sexual type relationship with him though, it was more me swooning over his near perfection. He really was an impressive person, a seriously cool guy who was a nice distraction for awhile there. Fortunately, I got past I told though. Despite his awesomeness, I know it's not healthy for me to obsess and I'm glad I stopped thinking about him all the time.OK,
The thing I'm trying to work out is whether the crush was a good thing in your life, at the time.
What sort of crushes have you had?
Quote:
Realize that there are different kinds of crushes. The term ‘crush’ gets thrown around a lot. It can mean that you simply have a passing infatuation with someone, or that you really like them.
The Friendly/Platonic Crush (sometimes called a "squish"): It is important to remember that not all strong feelings are romantic, some of them can be platonic as well. Letting yourself trust someone and become really close to someone, without necessarily having romantic feelings for them, is a really special thing. Wanting to be around a person all the time may just mean that you have gone from friends to best friends. It's totally normal to have a friend crush - you should want to hang out with your BFF as much as possible and have a platonic relationship with them.
The Admiration Crush: When you idolize a person (like a celebrity, teacher, or classmate who has done something really cool) you may realize that you have really intense feelings about that person and what they have done. These feelings might be mistaken for romantic feelings simply because they are so intense. Feeling slightly awed in the presence of someone who has done something amazing or can teach you great things is natural. Often, it's best to let a bit of time pass before really thinking too hard about these feelings. Generally once you have spent a lot of time with this person, you will have learned a lot from them and may begin to feel like you can stand on equal ground. You may find that your crush-like feelings simmer down once the initial awe of being in their presence wears off.
The Passing Crush: It is human nature to be attracted to other people. Even if you are in a great relationship, you still might find that you feel attracted to someone other than your romantic partner. This attraction is what we call a passing crush-- this new person may seem new and exciting, and they probably are, but that doesn’t mean you should reconsider the relationship you are in or, if you’re single, drop everything to try to be with him/her. Often times, passing crushes are spiked by being attracted--most often physically--to someone.
The Romantic Crush: Sometimes having a crush on someone really does mean you really, really like them--and in a romantic way at that. Having a romantic crush means that you want to be with that person in more than just a friendly way--you want to be their romantic partner. If you fantasize about kissing, holding hands with, or cuddling with that person, you probably have a romantic crush.
https://www.wikihow.com/Recognize-That- ... on-Someone
The Friendly/Platonic Crush (sometimes called a "squish"): It is important to remember that not all strong feelings are romantic, some of them can be platonic as well. Letting yourself trust someone and become really close to someone, without necessarily having romantic feelings for them, is a really special thing. Wanting to be around a person all the time may just mean that you have gone from friends to best friends. It's totally normal to have a friend crush - you should want to hang out with your BFF as much as possible and have a platonic relationship with them.
The Admiration Crush: When you idolize a person (like a celebrity, teacher, or classmate who has done something really cool) you may realize that you have really intense feelings about that person and what they have done. These feelings might be mistaken for romantic feelings simply because they are so intense. Feeling slightly awed in the presence of someone who has done something amazing or can teach you great things is natural. Often, it's best to let a bit of time pass before really thinking too hard about these feelings. Generally once you have spent a lot of time with this person, you will have learned a lot from them and may begin to feel like you can stand on equal ground. You may find that your crush-like feelings simmer down once the initial awe of being in their presence wears off.
The Passing Crush: It is human nature to be attracted to other people. Even if you are in a great relationship, you still might find that you feel attracted to someone other than your romantic partner. This attraction is what we call a passing crush-- this new person may seem new and exciting, and they probably are, but that doesn’t mean you should reconsider the relationship you are in or, if you’re single, drop everything to try to be with him/her. Often times, passing crushes are spiked by being attracted--most often physically--to someone.
The Romantic Crush: Sometimes having a crush on someone really does mean you really, really like them--and in a romantic way at that. Having a romantic crush means that you want to be with that person in more than just a friendly way--you want to be their romantic partner. If you fantasize about kissing, holding hands with, or cuddling with that person, you probably have a romantic crush.
https://www.wikihow.com/Recognize-That- ... on-Someone
FleaOfTheChill
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04 Oct 2020, 8:10 am
Quote:
The thing I'm trying to work out is whether the crush was a good thing in your life, at the time.
What sort of crushes have you had?
What sort of crushes have you had?
Is escapism a good thing?
for two of them, I think it was an escape technique. For my ex, it ended up effectively blinding me to things that would ultimately end in this divorce im in now entering. I put the ex honey on a pedestal due to my obsession with them. the ex was also obsessed with me and we moved too quickly into the relationship because of that. It wasnt a good thing, it was dysfunctional. Still, we tried to be better as years went on. Therapy and all. But it didn't work out. I don't like it,but I accept it.As for types of crushes. I've had all of those types of crushes on people over the years. Not many people,but still, it happens now and then. Thankfully I dont end up obsessed with most of them. The few I've been obsessed with were romantic in nature. I've just not been in romantic relationships with them for the most part, for one reason or another. It's not like they we're ex's I couldn't move on from. But had I been given the chance to have a romantic relationship with either of them, hell yeah I would've.
Crushes in general I dont terribly mind. Love scares me, but crushes, for me, are not love, so they're safe enough. I usually laugh at myself when I have one. Obsessions are different. They are things I should mind, but usually I can't make myself mind enough to try to stop. Now and then I think, "you should really stop this now", but my brain has another agenda.
Does that help clarify? I'm not sure.
04 Oct 2020, 8:42 am
FleaOfTheChill wrote:
Quote:
The thing I'm trying to work out is whether the crush was a good thing in your life, at the time.
What sort of crushes have you had?
What sort of crushes have you had?
Is escapism a good thing?
for two of them, I think it was an escape technique. For my ex, it ended up effectively blinding me to things that would ultimately end in this divorce im in now entering. I put the ex honey on a pedestal due to my obsession with them. the ex was also obsessed with me and we moved too quickly into the relationship because of that. It wasnt a good thing, it was dysfunctional. Still, we tried to be better as years went on. Therapy and all. But it didn't work out. I don't like it,but I accept it.As for types of crushes. I've had all of those types of crushes on people over the years. Not many people,but still, it happens now and then. Thankfully I dont end up obsessed with most of them. The few I've been obsessed with were romantic in nature. I've just not been in romantic relationships with them for the most part, for one reason or another. It's not like they we're ex's I couldn't move on from. But had I been given the chance to have a romantic relationship with either of them, hell yeah I would've.
Crushes in general I dont terribly mind. Love scares me, but crushes, for me, are not love, so they're safe enough. I usually laugh at myself when I have one. Obsessions are different. They are things I should mind, but usually I can't make myself mind enough to try to stop. Now and then I think, "you should really stop this now", but my brain has another agenda.
Does that help clarify? I'm not sure.
Well, it is like this: If you meet one FleaOfTheChill, you meet one FleaOfTheChill.
I have a better insight into you.
Essentially, it seems your crushes/infatuations didn't affect your emotional state negatively, with the exception of the situation you are going through now.
I was half expecting to hear about emotional distress because of the unrequited aspect.
I don't get the feeling that happened in your case.
Interesting.
FleaOfTheChill
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04 Oct 2020, 9:26 am
04 Oct 2020, 10:05 am
Crushes come in 3 kinds...
1 Celebrity crush. Like mine with KT. I fancy a fictional image of himself* he put out onto the camera/social media/media in general etc. It's not him. I don't know him, he doesn't know me. I'd link 'crush on a fictional character' in with this too. Nothing is going to happen.
2 Unrequited crush. A bit sad but it's a fact of life. I'd advise anyone dealing with this to realise there's probably someone out there with one on you, too. Just cos you fancy someone, doesn't mean they're obligated to fancy you back. It also doesn't mean it would have worked out.
3 Mutual crush. These have the chance to lead to romance. Don't have to, you could just admit your feelings for each other and move on. But they could.
I think we have type 1 more often and from a younger age because it's safer. Doesn't risk heartache (the heartache of type 2's rejection or even the 'had a nice relationship but it didn't last' heartache type 3 might have) and doesn't really require much in the way of skill. It just requires liking someone. Only social skill you need is please don't stalk anyone to the point of them knowing that you're a stalker, that's creepy. Obsessing over celebs can be fine but there's still a 'line'. Obsessing over fictional characters can be fine but realise they're not real or you're stepping into 'delusion' territory.
You have to be more careful with type 2 and type 3. Cos they're real people in your life. If someone I knew irl who wasn't family or in a relationship with me had pictures of me (like posters) on their bedroom wall, I'd be a bit creeped out. If I was a famous singer, for eg, and a bunch of strangers did that, I'd think 'comes with the territory I guess'.
I've had type 2 and type 3 crushes. But they only became obsessive once and even then, it was a fictionalised version of him I fancied (absolute acquaintance that I had a brief flirtation with - so it was type 3 but we both decided it was a bad idea to pursue anything). I coped with that by keeping the level of obsession to myself. Still prob not a good idea.
I think most relationships start with two type 3 crushes. The moment you fancy someone, you don't know they like you back. Or it might be that one likes the other first then the other likes them back etc.
* He seems to have totally changed his image since he moved to Arsenal too and this new 'bad boy/ned' image he's putting across isn't my type
08 Oct 2020, 1:57 pm
Pepe wrote:
StewartMango wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
I try not to.
I still have crushes that seem to last forever.
I still have crushes that seem to last forever.
Ah...yes, I do too, one of my crushes lasted over 10+ years, even after not seeing or hearing from him for many years. For some reason, I always have to think about a guy, I never understood how people can not having feelings for anyone. I wish I was normal.
The good thing is you are aware that it is something you need to work on.
Have the police ever gotten involved?
Out of the 5+ guys I've obsessed on throughout my 31 years alive I have never dealt with the police, but I have been reprimanded by my school administrators. Only 2 of the guys I would ride my bike past their house or even sit in front of their house and then run off when they came out of their house. I thankfully grew out of that before I turned 17. I mostly just stalk their social media profiles, but then again doesn't everyone do that nowadays? The current guy I'm obsessing on I'm trying to get over him, but it's very difficult, which is why I'm going to see a therapist on the 16th of October.
08 Oct 2020, 8:32 pm
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