All's Fair in Love and War

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A Zambian woman took her beau to court for failing to pop the question after eight years of dating, though the judge ruled that all’s fair in love and war.

Gertrude Ngoma of Ndola got so fed up that her longtime love, Herbert Salaliki, hadn’t proposed — after previously promising they’d get engaged — that she recently took her man to court, Mwebantu reports. The couple have been dating for nearly a decade, and share a child together.

“Your honor, he has never been serious that is why I bought him to court because I deserve to know the way forward and my future with him,” she reportedly complained. In another shot to the heart, Ngoma alleged that Salaliki had been texting another woman, too.

Source: Woman sues boyfriend for failing to propose after 8 years of dating

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The argument could go both ways...On one hand, we have a judge that does not wants to regulate that someone should be legally penalized for failing to commit to a long-term relationship...On the other hand, we have a woman whose youth and time is valuable yet has wasted it with someone who is not capable of commitment...Because of his undecisiveness, her future is uncertain...

As unfair as it may seem to her, i agree with the judge in that to force someone to be with someone they do not want to be with would be something short of slavery...

Two mitigating thoughts.

1. They gave birth to a child.
2. Nalwize, the presiding magistrate, instead advised the woman to sue for breach of marriage contract and further advised her that the court could not do anything because there was no marriage, even though a dowry was paid.

At a minimum maybe she should ask for a refund of the dowry paid? Maybe that is what the judge is advising "breach of marriage contract". I wonder if they have child support in Zimbabwe, South Africa?

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Here, in the US, most states are common law states and recognize common law 'marriages'...So, the woman here would have all protections under our laws...

FACT CHECK: Common-law marriage (also known as: Sui Juris Marriage, Informal Marriage, Marriage By Habit & Repute, or Marriage-In-Fact) is a form of irregular marriage that [b]survives only in nine U.S. states and the District of Columbia (D.C.).  Definitive legislation that permit domestic common-law marriage exists only in Colorado, District of Columbia, Iowa, Kansas, Montana, Oklahoma, Rhode Island, Texas, New Hampshire, and Utah.

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I stand corrected...Yes!! !...Thank you... ...Close ti midnight, when writing my reply, my imperfect memory got these mixed up with community property states which are the minority in the states...

Last edited by Clueless2017 on 11 Dec 2020, 10:19 am, edited 1 time in total.

Post-Script...I stand corrected and common law states are the minority in the States as are community property states...At was close to mid-night when i was writing it, i got those two mixed-up...

She should hopefully be able to get that refund & collect child support if they do that there.


When I started reading this, I had an issue with the fact that she was upset that the guy did not propose. I was thinking that if she really cared she should of tried proposing herself. Us guys can be very dense sometimes & not realize it. I imagine that being taken to court over not proposing would make most guys feel perfectly justified by not doing it. A woman who can not tell her guy that she wants to be married & then blames the guy for not purposing when she never tried herself has serious communication problems & is not ready for a good marriage. However when I got to the dowry part I realized that the guy mislead her. Taking the dowry & not marrying her is very wrong. I hope she decides to sue him for breach of marriage contract if he does not give the dowry back. I also really hope she can get more than just her dowry back like getting back all the court costs & a bit extra for her hassle. Like Clueless mentioned, I do feel sorry for her wasted time but forcing him to marry her would not make for a happy marriage. Plus I imagine that there is not good gender equality there & that the guys would have a lot more rights than the women. Forcing the guy to marry her could cause him to be very angry with her & lead to him being very abusive towards her & getting away with it.


My girlfriend wants me to purpose & we both had the intention of getting married when we moved in together. The reason I/we have not is because we are both disabled & it would majorly screw up her benefits. We live together like we are married & we act like we are married. Neither of us really owns anything other than our personal stuff that we have in our apartment. I'm OK with her using my stuff & she's OK with me using hers. Plus we are both loyal to a fault. There just is not much benefit to us being married rite now. She's told me before that Vermont has common law marriage but I don't really know the details. Thankfully the people doing reviews & paperwork for her benefits never asked if we were boyfriend & girlfriend. She can not really tell lies. She can leave things out & only mention certain things but she can not lie directly.