So-o-o In LOVE with my Aspie Husband

Post Reply New Topic

The purpose of sharing the foregoing with you is not to brag...Instead, i hope to instill HOPE to NTs married to an Aspie...And to ask my fellow WP members on the spectrum, if ever i come to you, upset at my beloved Aspie Husband, determined to leave him...Please, please, please dissuade me...

Lately, he has been working the night shift and extra hours during the daytime, because there are not enough workers and a lot of work...So, i had been complaining about feeling neglected...However, he agreed to dedicate me his day off, which takes place every two weeks...And i was elated with his promise...

Yesterday was his day off, and we couldn't do what i had planned to do with him, because our car broke-down...(I wanted to have a picnic at a local park--just him & i)...Well, a mechanic fixed our car, and today my husband had to do some errands before heading back to work...To my surprise, he arrived carrying a huge gift bag with a huge stuffed animal (a black teddy bear) and a bouquet of PEACH CARNATIONS...My favorite flower!! !...

Ohhh!! !...I wanted to cry tears of HAPPINESS ...I was so touched, because this shows to prove that he is listening when i think he is not...Hardly anyone knows i love PEACH CARNATIONS...

Excellent!

Now you know he thinks of you while he works.

... ... ...
Thank you...

OMG

I feel like playing Hearts now.

... ... ...
Thank you...

... ... ...
LOL...

TBH this sounds a lot like my relationship with my wife but saying so makes me self-conscious.

... ... ...

Feeling self-conscious is not a good feeling...But self-awareness is good, because it motivates us to change in those aspects that make us a better person...A better husband, inclusive...This, in turn, improves all of our interpersonal relationships...

A while back, i remember telling my husband that unlike most women who love red roses, i prefer peach carnations which are quite inexpensive...Apparently, that stuck with him...He was obviously listening, paying close attention, and taking note... Anyway, women in general like these shows of symbolic affection, because these make us feel appreciated and loved...

A long time ago, a studied showed that employees prefer to be appreciated than to be given a monetary raise in their place of employment...How much more true this is the case within the marriage!! !...Wherein both partners need to feel acknowledged, respected, appreciated, honored, and loved...

Furthermore, a different study showed that most people prefer to give a gift than to ask for forgiveness...Why would this be the case???...Because most people have a difficult time, expressing their feelings, especially when doing so requires humility from our behalf...So, in the case of an Aspie, it must be much more difficult to express his or her feelings to his or her loved one...

Instead, the Aspie could gift his or her loved one a small show of affection...Women in general, for example, would appreciate a flower from a garden, a 1 dollar greeting card, a text with cute smilies...Yesterday, my beloved husband spent 20 dollars in the teddy bear, but he could have spent 5 dollars...And still, i would have felt just as happy...Because it is the sentimental value that counts...

So, if you are stuck at home due to this pandemic...And you are typically very good in showing your love to your wife in your own love language...That is commendable ...Maybe you are a practical man like my beloved husband who likes to show his love with small acts of service...But your wife's love language may differ from yours...If you try to learn her love language...Ohhh, how much more she will love you ...

So, go ahead and arrange to have a romantic picnic in your backyard...No words need to be expressed, because these cause misunderstandings, which, in turn, lead to conflict....Just enjoy a simple sandwich with some fruit and your preferred drink...Both of you in silence...Just breathing each others presence...

If your wife is like me, and she enjoys drinking tea (or chocolate or coffee)...Prepare her favorite and invite her outside just to watch the sunset...She will be pleasantly surprise ...And she will feel special...She will feel important in your life ...Again, no words need to be expressed...You don't even have to sit side by side, just close enough to share in the moment...You could tell her in advance that you count with 15 to 30 minutes...At this time, do not bring your cell phone with you...My point being, your meeting her half-ways does not has to be expensive nor complicated...Yet still, priceless

If you are, like many men, and you tend to take her for granted, she may just ruin the moment...By bombarding you with an avalanche of complaints...Please do not get discouraged...Let her vent...Reach out for her hand as she talks...And listen closely to what she is saying...Regardless of what she says to you...Do apologize...Tell her that you will try to make things better...And stay with her until she calms down...Give her a hug, embracing her with both of your arms bringing her close to your chest...That is all that she really needs from you in that moment...Almost instantly, she will forget why she was upset with you...And please do follow-through with your promise of making things better...She will love you more than you know...And she will never part your way...Trust me...I know...

You're two little Sweet Peas in a pod.

Dear Clueless , what you wrote is very touching ..... your dedication feels very strong ...
But after reading what you wrote it’s almost scary that you even entertain the mere thought of separating from him.
He seems to be willing to go the extra mile for you , inspite of him having to spend so much time at work .
Many men often identify themselves with their work . So trying to separate them from their work . Is a almost impossible task .. It was so touching that he remembered your favourite flowers . So many men ask that their wife’s put up with much more than a person should have to put up with , even to the point of asking them to move back into their parents house , when they can’t hold a job . Was shocked when I learned of this actually being a reality . In the neighbourhood I live in . And expecting the woman to be supportive .. And as I have seen this type of behaviour in men , and other misbehaviours in 50 and 60 year old men . Living near me , I easily imagine this type of behaviour
Going on and on . And have seen it Repeated else where .
Please I hope your relationship goes on and on , for I do believe from your writings here that you truly have an exceptional fellow . It is amazing what alittle dedication can do for a mans self esteem and willingness to try
For his wife . There are always good and bad times in every relationship . Make those good memories be the groundwork for the longevity of your relationship . “ For better or worse” are far more than just words in a marriage.
I write this to you based on first hand experience. A smile and a loving little note to him once in a while , that shows up as a surprise to him , can go along ways towards helping him , know you are thinking of him too.

In a loving relationship where I had been asked to accept a few foibles in exchange for a lifetime of love was little to ask of me, Albeit was cut short by a untimely death . But a love that continues.
Wishing you and yours all the best .

... ... ...

Thank you Jakki for your kind words and wise advice...I assure you i take it to heart ...

For the record, just know that most of the time, i don't think of leaving him...Never!! !...I married for a lifetime...It is only when i persistently feel neglected, abandoned, or even rejected that i have come to question the future of my marriage...In our neuro-diverse marriage, we have faced many challenges due to my husband's autistic traits...Still, here in WP, as well as in the real world, i focus on my husband's qualities--not his shortcomings...Because i acknowledge that he has come long ways, and he has made great strives, motivated by me...So, his extraordinary efforts to make me feel loved do not go un-noticed...Quite the contrary, it is cause for CELEBRATION as in this post...

Jakki, i am sorry you lost the love of your life prematurely...My heart bends towards you...I perceive you as an extraordinary woman with much love to give...WP members, including me, are blessed to have your input...Just know that the love of your life not only lives in your heart but in God's perfect memory...Best wishes to you in all of your endeavors...

Post Script: I hardly ever discuss here all that i do for my beloved husband that show my devotion to him on a daily basis...In his own words, "i could not do more"...So, rest assured, my dear Jakki, that Mr. Right is well taken care of...