You can't win arguments with women?

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As long as you’re a good dad in the future, there’s nothing wrong with leaving a woman who uses blackmail like that.

She has the bucks. You would not be “abandoning” her.

Well that's true.

Depending on how bad things are and if they can't be sorted you might be able to be better parents if you did split up. Obviously I know no way near enough about your situation to want to influence you one way or the other. But I will say please don't make any big descisions if you're still angry.

I agree with Outsider. Make your decision when you’re calm.

Do what that sexist woman suggested to me about men...

Plant ideas in her head.

She's too stubborn to be told anything. Too determined to be right to listen to sense. Too determined that you're wrong and she's right when she's actually Ms Always Right...

If she sees it as her idea, she will do it. If you plant wisdom, she will be doing wise things instead of putting the baby at risk.

Hard to do this as an aspie/autistic person and as a guy but - just use words like 'maybe', don't raise your voice, say things as 'I read that...' and 'I don't know but I heard ... what do you think?'

I know this is going off tangent, but..Reminds me of bruce lee once said; something about the best way to win a fight is by not engaging in one in the first place, ya know disarming situation before it escalates.

Now that i think of it not only was he a badass,he was a pretty smart guy. enter the dragon; he said some pretty slick sht in that movie.

I read the same thing in How to Win Friends and Influence People and I've always wondered how to actually do that. I guess I need to start practicing.

It's with stubborn arrogant people. Doesn't work with normal people. With low self confidence people it means something else & I wouldn't advise it morally.

But if someone is full of their own sense of importance and/or has social authority over you...

If you say something with a wavering tone or mention in passing that you heard it from an authoritative place (not in those exact words but giving an example of a place they value) the person will think about it, mull it over in their head and finally arrive at it: claiming the idea was theirs all along.

If you're prepared to lose face - not be seen as the one who is right -, it's worth doing to get the idea across.

For eg my stepdad digs his heels in whenever he's given an idea. Even 'I think you'd like this film'. If you say 'I might watch' in passing then change the subject, he will 'come up with' the idea. If you say 'I heard an interesting film review on Front Row' then move onto other things, he will be determined to see it. If you say 'you should watch', he says 'no' as if it's the worst thing in the world. (Interestingly, this is increasingly not the case between us, I've become that 'source of authority'... )

It works on people who are either important or view themselves in that way. Because they want to be the one coming up with ideas. It's how politics works a lot of the time, advisers planting the ideas/suggesting the ideas in a way that the politician can take ownership of.

And if it goes wrong? They won't take the ownership.
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I strongly advise using this against (and if they're low esteem, it's always against rather than with or for) anyone with low self esteem. It's really easy to do that with them to the point of brainwashing. Difference is there that they won't be arguing with you that much in the first place. They will see any idea as better than anything they could possibly come up with themselves This is for people who see the opposite - people who have to always be right.

Perhaps but I should use it with caution. Even though her English is bad she's good at reading people. If I'm not careful she might see through my ruse.

That's how I know she'll never read this. I already suggested she make an account on WP.

No. Develop charisma and improve communications skills.

No. Caving in only builds resentment. That's self-defeating.

Call 'em how you see 'em.

1)
If she wants to buy something she needs to have her own eBay account. She can get her credit card fixed too, all by herself. In that respect, she needs to grow up. She's a mother and she may be a single mother one day. There's no reason why a person with a good income should be dependent on someone else conducting their financial affairs, like she's helpless. That would stop some of the financial arguments which are related to the language barrier.

2)
Your baby is six months old by my calculation. Not only should she be sleeping in her own crib, she should be learning to sleep through the night at this age. I understand that different cultures have different traditions, but my own two cents' worth, and from OCD reading on the topic when I was a young mother, I know it's healthy for babies to develop some self-soothing strategies from six months onward. What does your paediatrician recommend?

3)
No, the woman is not always right. My genitals don't determine if I'm right or wrong in any situation. Same with yours. I hope you learn to talk through these issues, because they seem cyclical. Most of your arguments are about cultural differences (which boil down to her being right, always, on principle), or to financial disagreements. If she can manage and sell her own business successfully, she can open an eBay account and stop needing you as a punching bag if things go wrong.

Sorry if any of that sounds harsh, but I can't stand when one partner treats the other like they're inferior. This is setting up a dangerous precedent or pattern for your future if your voice isn't heard in the relationship.

She needs to take courses in English. I feel this would solve a lot of things.

My wife fell asleep one night while breastfeeding our child. She woke me up maybe an hour later and asked me where the baby was? I looked over at the bassinet and it was empty. On the floor was where the baby was. This type of experience can be very traumatic on parents, especially new parents. The baby was ok, but it scared us.

Your situation could even scream out a situation where Children's Aid could get involved if things carry on. Not to be alarming, but we did call 911 in our situation and Children's Aid came to our home a week later and everything was ok.

And of course, partners always have to support each other as best as they can. If inlaws have too much of a say, it will cause relationship issues.

Hey, RetroGamer87, off topic comment, I'm more of a retired gamer but have been into the retrocomputing hobby since 2014, mostly on the C64/Amiga side of things, are you into any of that?

It's generally true that men can't win arguments with women - that's why it's the common knowledge stereotype. Virtually every couple argues, even ones that are very good at presenting themselves to others as always getting along.

All the time? Maybe not. Sometimes some topics are too critical or costly in some way to let go. But choose your battles wisely - only bother arguing when it's something critical. Otherwise, the mantra "happy wife, happy life," will serve you well. Even if she's dead wrong don't say a word and just let her calm down. Stuff about a $35-37 purchase etc, whatever - nothing wrong with saying "I misunderstood you, my mistake," or even "Sorry, I misunderstood," and just leave it at that. Who wants to make mountains out of mole hills and argue with their partner for hours or days over something as trivial as a $35 purchase instead of a $37 one? f****n' buy 2 of each and throw three on a fire if it makes her happy.

But as for baby safety.. THOSE are critical arguments. Co-sleeping can be dangerous, and even deadly, especially for newborns. Mothers have accidentally smothered babies to death because they were snuggled up against them and couldn't breathe and mama's passed out cold exhausted. Babies have fallen and been seriously injured or killed. Hard surfaces should have padding etc - common sense stuff to me. These are discussions worth engaging in; the ones that are about actual physical safety and security, where a wrong decision could result in injury or death. These are things to not just let go, but prove your point with actual expert info recommending Not to co-sleep, and to use safety/padding devices etc. Maybe ideal to get the info from a source She trusts and believes. Like if your go to info source is a site called "retro is always right.com," chances are she's not going to be receptive to it.. but if it's from "Chinese study confirms the best way to raise an overachieving kid is to keep them safe in their crib like this.com," then perhaps she'll be more open to listening & learning. (Same applies if it's from your favourite news source that actually exists vs. hers etc. Or if she takes advice from her friend Amanda, maybe Amanda needs to tell her etc.)

But small fries stuff? F it. You'll never win. Not worth the yelling and arguments MOST of the time. I see many married men just bite their tongues and say nothing and just let their wives vent because the ongoing arguments are simply not worth the energy.





Totally different baby sleeping side story that made me laugh: My best friend and his wife are deaf, their two older kids can hear, and their baby boy is deaf but for different medical reasons than more or dad - just won the deaf lottery, I guess. Anyways, for their first born I bought them a colour video baby monitor so they could watch her from their room. They also got a strobe light that would flash in their eyes to wake them if she screamed. Not sure if they still have that, but they def do still have an audio sensor hooked up to a bed shaker - so if their baby boy screams/fusses (not sure if the trigger is audible or movement considering baby boy won't likely have a strong voice hmm dunno? Have only met him twice for a few mins of his 9 months due to covid and never heard him cry.), the bed shaker (typically connected to an alarm clock & shakes deaf people awake) shakes the bed to wake them so they can check the video monitor or go check on him. Anyways, my friend works very long stressful hours running his business And has stepped up big time with taking kids to soccer practice etc etc - he's often just exhausted at night and Needs sleep to restore for the next day's work. So, for months he's been sleeping on the floor so that when their little guy fusses and their bed shaker goes off, it only wakes up mama to go check on him and he can stay sleeping to get rest for work. I was rather amused by this.